Any help or guidance welcome

Trebor2013

Since about 2015, I've convinced myself that I can resolve my debt issues and have been a textbook case of spiralling into more debt, trying to clear the previous. 

Here is my SOA if anybody can perhaps offer some guidance. I've already been bailed out once by my dad, but after a period of unemployment, I found myself back at square 1.

I don't consider myself to have any unnecessary spending habits like gambling, holidays, pointless memberships and with 2 kids I try manage to make any time spent with them as cost effective as possible. Our plan is to move house from October 2026, when our current fixed rate mortgage enters into it's last year of the deal, so where I can be best prepped for that would be ideal - though I accept I am in a deep hole with debt and my partner will likely have to know by then, but damage limitation and all that...

My partner doesn't know about this and I'm 99% sure if this comes to the forefront then the marriage will be over. I'm not proud of it and I know there is that 1% chance it wouldn't but I am so desperate to deal with this myself, I just want to explore this option first, with the many expertise in the virtual room, per se. The numbers below reflect my outgoings and only reflect my contributions towards joint bills.

Household Information[/b]

Number of adults in household........... 2

Number of children in household......... 2

Number of cars owned.................... 2[b]

Monthly Income Details[/b]

Monthly income after tax................ 2600

Partners monthly income after tax....... 0

Benefits................................ 0

Other income............................ 0[b]

Total monthly income.................... 2600[/b][b]

Monthly Expense Details[/b]

Mortgage................................ 310

Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0

Rent.................................... 0

Management charge (leasehold property).. 0

Council tax............................. 105

Electricity............................. 43

Gas..................................... 10

Oil..................................... 0

Water rates............................. 70

Telephone (land line)................... 0

Mobile phone............................ 35

TV Licence.............................. 7.5

Satellite/Cable TV...................... 30

Internet Services....................... 30

Groceries etc. ......................... 200

Clothing................................ 20

Petrol/diesel........................... 150

Road tax................................ 16

Car Insurance........................... 34

Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 20

Car parking............................. 0

Other travel............................ 0

Childcare/nursery....................... 80

Other child related expenses............ 0

Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 5

Pet insurance/vet bills................. 32

Buildings insurance..................... 10

Contents insurance...................... 10

Life assurance ......................... 25

Other insurance......................... 0

Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 30

Haircuts................................ 17

Entertainment........................... 50

Holiday................................. 0

Emergency fund.......................... 0

Memberships ............................ 50[b]

Total monthly expenses.................. 1389.5[/b]

[b]

Assets[/b]

Cash.................................... 0

House value (Gross)..................... 280000

Shares and bonds........................ 1000

Car(s).................................. 9000

Other assets............................ 0[b]

Total Assets............................ 290000[/b]

[b]

Secured & HP Debts[/b]

Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR

Mortgage...................... 46500....(310)......4.27[b]

Total secured & HP debts...... 46500.....-.........-   [/b]

[b]Unsecured Debts[/b]

Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR

Admiral Loan...................12507.....260.......0

M and S Loan...................8675......542.......0

Zopa CC........................1166......18........25.38

Bank of Dad....................16400.....250.......0

Paypal.........................567.......13........23.9

Very ..........................140.......8.........44.9

Barclaycard....................2844......102.......21.19

Lloyds CC......................2313......75........0[b]

Total unsecured debts..........44612.....1268......-  [/b]

[b]

Monthly Budget Summary[/b]

Total monthly income.................... 2,600

Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,389.5

Available for debt repayments........... 1,210.5

Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 1,268[b]

Amount short for making debt repayments. -57.5[/b]

[b]Personal Balance Sheet Summary[/b]

Total assets (things you own)........... 290,000

Total HP & Secured debt................. -46,500

Total Unsecured debt.................... -44,612[b]

Net Assets.............................. 198,888[/b]

[i]Created using the SOA calculator at www.stoozing.com. 

Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.[/i][/font]

I thank those in advance who take time to read and especially those kind enough to reply. I will not be able to read posts until later this evening, so will reply to any questions as timely as possible  

ManyWays

What is your partners income and how do you split paying the various bills?
For example £20 for clothing is barely adequate for you and hopeless for you plus 2 children, or for you plus half the costs of the childrens clothes...  Similar point for groceries. 

Our plan is to move house from October 2026, when our current fixed rate mortgage enters into it's last year of the deal, so where I can be best prepped for that would be ideal - though I accept I am in a deep hole with debt and my partner will likely have to know by then, but damage limitation and all that...
There is zero chance you will be able to move house without your partner finding out about these debts. It is better to talk to them now and get a plan that will actually work to improve the chance of you being able to move at some point..

If you have been unemployed, surely your partner must have realised either you had to pay nothing to the bills or you would be getting into debt? 

RAS

This looks like half a budget? Your income is very low for this level of debt.

Forget moving; when the current deal ends you can renew with your current provider without a credit check. Try and move and they'll do a credit check which will take into account those debts. 

You've plainly been digging holes of a long while and some of these debts look like consolidation loans? The debt to dad is also scary.

Your spouse has to have been living in cloud cuckoo land if they haven't noticed that you've been spending £400  a month that your don't earn. 

They certainly can't begin to modify their expectations and spends unless they know the full situation. It'll be like trying to stick your finger in the dyke whilst watching the flood overtop it.

The best bet is to halt payment and allow defaults, save for an emergency fund and make affordability claims.

Stateofart

In terms of cutting your SOA, I would start by getting rid of the TV package and just stick with broadband.  Your Gas seems really low and your water way too high so think about addressing that as well.  Looks like you've got a possible 10K to throw at this during the next year but like you say I think it's too big not to be discovered soon.  Do a debt snowball and get rid of some of the small ones.  Perhaps ask Dad to have a year off payback while you knock a few others out.  In 12 months time it should look a lot better.  What loans does your partner know about?  Pay off the ones they don't know about first.

Trebor2013

ManyWays said:

What is your partners income and how do you split paying the various bills?
For example £20 for clothing is barely adequate for you and hopeless for you plus 2 children, or for you plus half the costs of the childrens clothes...  Similar point for groceries. 

Our plan is to move house from October 2026, when our current fixed rate mortgage enters into it's last year of the deal, so where I can be best prepped for that would be ideal - though I accept I am in a deep hole with debt and my partner will likely have to know by then, but damage limitation and all that...
There is zero chance you will be able to move house without your partner finding out about these debts. It is better to talk to them now and get a plan that will actually work to improve the chance of you being able to move at some point..

If you have been unemployed, surely your partner must have realised either you had to pay nothing to the bills or you would be getting into debt? 

My wife typically pays for the kids clothes, as i pay for other bits for the children already highlighted. I have a pretty solid wardrobe so don't tend to buy clothes very often; mostly get bought clothes as gifts for birthday and Xmas. As mentioned in my post, the groceries is half as we spend from a joint account we both pay into, which is in totally £900/month.

Yes she knew and at the time picked up some of the slack. I was still able to contribute by cashing in bonds which was just about enough to tie me over at the time. 

Trebor2013

RAS said:

This looks like half a budget? Your income is very low for this level of debt.

Forget moving; when the current deal ends you can renew with your current provider without a credit check. Try and move and they'll do a credit check which will take into account those debts. 

You've plainly been digging holes of a long while and some of these debts look like consolidation loans? The debt to dad is also scary.

Your spouse has to have been living in cloud cuckoo land if they haven't noticed that you've been spending £400  a month that your don't earn. 

They certainly can't begin to modify their expectations and spends unless they know the full situation. It'll be like trying to stick your finger in the dyke whilst watching the flood overtop it.

The best bet is to halt payment and allow defaults, save for an emergency fund and make affordability claims.

Yes this refers to my contributions in what we have to pay only. I have been putting off house moving for a long time now because of my situation.

Yes consolidation loans do form part of this. I wouldn't say she is in cloud cuckoo.

Trebor2013

Stateofart said:

In terms of cutting your SOA, I would start by getting rid of the TV package and just stick with broadband.  Your Gas seems really low and your water way too high so think about addressing that as well.  Looks like you've got a possible 10K to throw at this during the next year but like you say I think it's too big not to be discovered soon.  Do a debt snowball and get rid of some of the small ones.  Perhaps ask Dad to have a year off payback while you knock a few others out.  In 12 months time it should look a lot better.  What loans does your partner know about?  Pay off the ones they don't know about first.

I have enquired about cutting the TV packaged but was told i couldn't until June 2026 or pay an exit fee.

We have low gas, as we have solar panels which came with the property when we bought it, and this is linked to our hot water. Water is high because we had an unnoticed leak in our toilet which was dribbling into our pan. This is why we pay so high, but in the next couple months this should come back down. Though we both contribute £900 into our joint account, which covers household bills for the month and leaves about £50-75 spare.

I am going to speak to my dad about this and see if he can give me at least 6 months breathing space, ideally to pay off the smaller debts.

I have 14 months of my M and S loan still to go, but obviously this is my biggest unsecured debt, so will make a big difference when that is gone.

Smudgeismydog

Have to agree with @ManyWays, your debts are pretty much the same as (your share of?) the mortgage. Coming clean to your partner with a detailed plan on how to tackle this, is the best way forward. 

You noted that for the last 10 years you have been trying to resolve your debt issues and do not feel you have any unnecessary ‘spending habits’. Without wishing to sound harsh, something has been going wrong, and you have been spending more than your means. Until whatever has caused this is addressed, it will continue.

If you are able to demonstrate to your partner you understand, and accept how you got into debt, and a plan for getting out of it, before your partner finds out, then I really believe this is your best option. 

in_need_of_direction

I know most people advocate having an emergency fund but given your need for a remortgage next year, I would say a good payment history is important.  I would cash in the £1000 you have and clear very, PayPal and put the remainder towards zopa. If your dad could even give you three months off repayments, that would clear zopa and get you close to covering outgoings.  Anything you sell could speed things up as could doing the nightmare surveys, etc.  also make sure you get cash back where you can.  Even if it’s only pennies off, it mounts up.  Given that you only have 14 months left on m&s, if your dad could increase the no repayment period to a year, and you diverted those funds to the loan, you could have it close to cleared by Oct 26. If your dad got those amounts cleared, you could afford to pay your dad extra each month to keep the repayment period the same.

Also, what happens to funds left in joint account at month end?

I truly believe that you should share the situation with your partner, they may appreciate a draft plan to which they could provide input.  I was the partner who knew that there was something awry but didn’t know what.  All scenarios were played out from health to affairs.  Hearing about the debt was actually a relief.  They are bound to have noticed that you are stressing over something.

anyhow, well done for sitting down and quantifying things.  I hope it all works out. Take care of yourself.