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Time for Change
Cat_Queen
Posts: 7 Forumite
Hello everyone,
Since taking out a DMP with PayPlan last year I've been observing on these boards and I thought it was about time I took the plunge and shared my story in the hope that it might help someone else that may be in a similar situation to mine. Apologies it's a long story.
I used to be that person that was great at managing money, saving, stoozing and making the most out of the opportunities that came my way. This was until I ended up in a very toxic, co-dependant and financially coercive friendship over ten years ago.
This woman was my best friend and my ride or die for several years, she was also a spender not a saver and she had the mentality that life was for living and that you could always earn more money. At the time of meeting her she was paying off an IVA so she was very constricted in what she could and couldn't spend and trips and things that we did together were affordable and managed within my budget. I allowed her to move into my rental property at slightly below market rental value. We had an agreement in writing that she would cover minor maintenance in return for a small rent reduction.
As the years went by, our friendship group started getting married and having families and eventually it was just the two of us. By this point, she was pretty much controlling most aspects of my life, she would book multiple trips away, theatre shows, experiences etc without really asking me if I wanted to go and instead tell me that I owed her X amount for what she had booked. If I couldn't go or had to cancel due to work commitments she would then demand that I cover her share of the trip or ticket price. To make matters worse, As the cost of living increased, I started relying more and more on credit cards and loans in order to meet my living expenses and to service her need to be entertained. I had fallen into the trap of consolidating my debt and then running up the cards again and then needing to take a bigger loan.
Things came to a head on a group holiday in 2023 and I decided that I needed her out of my life so I accepted an overseas move with my job and told her that I was putting my rental property with a management company as I would no longer be around to manage it. I knew that she would likely withhold rent and trash the place but I decided that my mental health was more important than the amount of money it was likely to cost me.
She was very unhappy with this and proceeded to stop paying rent for several months, she refused to reply to the management company and moved out without telling anyone. The cost of putting right the damage she had caused and all the associated costs of getting the property back onto the rental market were approximately £15,000 - Thankfully, my parents were able to loan me the money for these costs otherwise I would have been forced to sell my property.
This, coupled with my existing debt has left me with approximately £52,000 worth of unsecured debt. I genuinely didn't realise how deeply I'd gotten myself in the red as I was always refinancing debt and moving it around in order to pay very little interest. I was managing but when she stopped paying rent, I was up the creek without the proverbial paddle and it all came crashing down around me.
In September last year, I was told I'd have to pay an extra £2500 share for roof repairs on the building in which my rental flat was located. it was at this point I knew I was was in serious trouble. I spoke at length with PayPlan who were absolutely brilliant and they set up my payment plan for me. The only thing I wish I'd done differently was save up an emergency fund beforehand but thanks to the advice on this board I was been able to tweak my budget slightly in order to get that fund in place.
I feel massively ashamed that I let myself get into this situation and that I owe so much BUT I am determined to get a hold on it and get my life back. I've always been that person that pays everything on time and had an excellent credit score but I've learnt over the last few months that its not the be all and end all.
Starting Figures Oct 24:
Unsecured debt: £37,608
Parents: £15,000
Figures as of Jul 25
Unsecured debt: £32,565 - £5043 paid so far
Parents: £12,500 - £2500 paid so far
Thank you if you've made it this far. I'd be grateful for any advice and to know that I'm not alone in this marathon.
Since taking out a DMP with PayPlan last year I've been observing on these boards and I thought it was about time I took the plunge and shared my story in the hope that it might help someone else that may be in a similar situation to mine. Apologies it's a long story.
I used to be that person that was great at managing money, saving, stoozing and making the most out of the opportunities that came my way. This was until I ended up in a very toxic, co-dependant and financially coercive friendship over ten years ago.
This woman was my best friend and my ride or die for several years, she was also a spender not a saver and she had the mentality that life was for living and that you could always earn more money. At the time of meeting her she was paying off an IVA so she was very constricted in what she could and couldn't spend and trips and things that we did together were affordable and managed within my budget. I allowed her to move into my rental property at slightly below market rental value. We had an agreement in writing that she would cover minor maintenance in return for a small rent reduction.
As the years went by, our friendship group started getting married and having families and eventually it was just the two of us. By this point, she was pretty much controlling most aspects of my life, she would book multiple trips away, theatre shows, experiences etc without really asking me if I wanted to go and instead tell me that I owed her X amount for what she had booked. If I couldn't go or had to cancel due to work commitments she would then demand that I cover her share of the trip or ticket price. To make matters worse, As the cost of living increased, I started relying more and more on credit cards and loans in order to meet my living expenses and to service her need to be entertained. I had fallen into the trap of consolidating my debt and then running up the cards again and then needing to take a bigger loan.
Things came to a head on a group holiday in 2023 and I decided that I needed her out of my life so I accepted an overseas move with my job and told her that I was putting my rental property with a management company as I would no longer be around to manage it. I knew that she would likely withhold rent and trash the place but I decided that my mental health was more important than the amount of money it was likely to cost me.
She was very unhappy with this and proceeded to stop paying rent for several months, she refused to reply to the management company and moved out without telling anyone. The cost of putting right the damage she had caused and all the associated costs of getting the property back onto the rental market were approximately £15,000 - Thankfully, my parents were able to loan me the money for these costs otherwise I would have been forced to sell my property.
This, coupled with my existing debt has left me with approximately £52,000 worth of unsecured debt. I genuinely didn't realise how deeply I'd gotten myself in the red as I was always refinancing debt and moving it around in order to pay very little interest. I was managing but when she stopped paying rent, I was up the creek without the proverbial paddle and it all came crashing down around me.
In September last year, I was told I'd have to pay an extra £2500 share for roof repairs on the building in which my rental flat was located. it was at this point I knew I was was in serious trouble. I spoke at length with PayPlan who were absolutely brilliant and they set up my payment plan for me. The only thing I wish I'd done differently was save up an emergency fund beforehand but thanks to the advice on this board I was been able to tweak my budget slightly in order to get that fund in place.
I feel massively ashamed that I let myself get into this situation and that I owe so much BUT I am determined to get a hold on it and get my life back. I've always been that person that pays everything on time and had an excellent credit score but I've learnt over the last few months that its not the be all and end all.
Starting Figures Oct 24:
Unsecured debt: £37,608
Parents: £15,000
Figures as of Jul 25
Unsecured debt: £32,565 - £5043 paid so far
Parents: £12,500 - £2500 paid so far
Thank you if you've made it this far. I'd be grateful for any advice and to know that I'm not alone in this marathon.
1
Comments
-
Dear me, couldn’t just read and not comment.
I’m so sorry someone who was supposed to be your friend treated you so badly. Thank goodness you were finally able to see her for what she is.
You sound strong and focused, now is the time to put yourself first, tackle this head and you will get there.
It may be helpful to share further details of your debts (including APRs), a SOA, and your plan to get everything back on track, as I’m sure there will be people who can provide some insights to help you.I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Pension, Debt Free Wanabee, and Over 50 Money Saving boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the Report button, or by e-mailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.2 -
Thank you so much for your kind words, I set up my initial DMP with PayPlan in October last year and have been trying to live within my means without relying on credit for the past nine months and it has not been easy. This, coupled with moving overseas and my pay being all over the place hasn't helped me get a clear picture on how much extra I might have. Thankfully, since entering the DMP, almost all of my accounts have defaulted and I am no longer paying interest.
I am due to get a pay rise at the end of this month and then I will sit down in August and do an updated SOA as I will have almost a years worth of spending to go through with realistic amounts of what I need to put aside for stuff like car emergencies or repairs in my rental property.
My plan is to stay with PayPlan for the next six months or so and then look to go self managed but I wanted to start this thread to keep myself accountable and to hear from people who have managed to get themselves out of situations like this.
2 -
Here is my very rough Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet - I am in a very fortunate position where my employer covers the majority of my housing costs and pays me a cost of living allowance (I am currently living and working in The Netherlands).Household InformationNumber of adults in household........... 1Number of children in household.........Number of cars owned.................... 1Monthly Income Details[/b]Monthly income after tax................ 3100Partners monthly income after tax....... 0Benefits................................ 0Other income............................ 1250Total monthly income.................... 4350Monthly Expense Details[/b]Mortgage................................ 1168Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0Rent.................................... 120Management charge (leasehold property).. 235Council tax............................. 0 - Costs covered by employerElectricity............................. 0 - Costs covered by employerGas..................................... 0 - Costs covered by employerOil..................................... 0Water rates............................. 0 - Costs covered by employerTelephone (land line)................... 0Mobile phone............................ 30TV Licence.............................. 0 Not required in EuropeSatellite/Cable TV...................... 35Internet Services....................... 35Groceries etc. ......................... 400 - For me and 3x catsClothing................................ 35Petrol/diesel........................... 200Road tax................................ 0 Not Required in Europe, paid as part of my insuranceCar Insurance........................... 100Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 40Car parking............................. 10Other travel............................ 100Childcare/nursery....................... 0Other child related expenses............ 0Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 25Pet insurance/vet bills................. 163Buildings insurance..................... 0 - Property is leasehold so covered as part of the service chargeContents insurance...................... 20Life assurance ......................... 6Other insurance......................... 8Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 25Haircuts................................ 25Entertainment........................... 130 - Pays for yearly subscriptions to a snowdome/choir subs and 1x meal/night out per month - Again this could be cut but its beneficial for my mental health and fitnessHoliday................................. 50 - Probably not needed but is currently going into my EFEmergency fund.......................... 100Tax Bill................................ 100Estate Agents Fees/insurance............ 180Device Plan............................. 34 - Paid off in OctMeals at Work........................... 50Total monthly expenses.................. 3424AssetsCash.................................... 0House value (Gross)..................... 200000Shares and bonds........................ 0Car(s).................................. 1000Other assets............................ 0[b]Total Assets............................ 201000Secured & HP Debts[/b]Description....................Debt......Monthly...APRMortgage...................... 101900...(1168).....5.1Total secured & HP debts...... 101900....-.........-Unsecured DebtsDescription....................Debt......Monthly...APRPayPlan DMP....................32600.....478.......0Credit Spring..................689.......194.......28 - Paid off in Oct, not part of DMPMum............................12500.....250.......0Total unsecured debts..........45789.....922.......Monthly Budget SummaryTotal monthly income.................... 4,350Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 3,424Available for debt repayments........... 926Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 922Amount left after debt repayments....... 4[b]Personal Balance Sheet Summary[/b]Total assets (things you own)........... 201,000Total HP & Secured debt................. -101,900Total Unsecured debt.................... -45,789Net Assets.............................. 53,311I am aware I am in a more privileged position than most and I have slightly inflated some of my expenses above to add to my emergency fund as that's something that PayPlan doesn't really allow.
My DMP review is in Sep/Oct time. Question is, do I put the £194 credit Spring payment and the £34 Device plan payment towards the DMP amount or do I use it to start building a settlement fund for later on down the line.0
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