Small steps clearing debt with paws by my side

teacats

I’m writing this before I think about it too much and chicken out. It’s terrifying laying everything out and even more terrifying posting it. I’m just trying to remember that even though my situation feels completely awful, I’m sure other people on here will have been in similar situations and worse. 

Disclaimer: I am very anxious about getting ‘found out’ by posting on here. I may not be able to go into details about some aspects which could be identifying.

Now I’ve got that out the way, hi to you all. I’m here because I’m in debt and I don’t see a way out. Everything feels hopeless. I will give you a general picture (not brave enough for a full SOA yet). 

I live with my partner in a council house with my dog and cat. I have been unable to work since 2018 and even before that it was a part time minimum wage job. I’m hoping that my health will improve in the future which will allow me to try to get back into work, but as things stand at the moment I don’t see that happening in the foreseeable future. I am currently awaiting a social care needs assessment (over 2+ years so far). My partner is my carer (he gets carer’s allowance).

It’s a long story on how I got into debt and it’s been a gradual downward spiral. Care leaver, financial abuse (not current), health problems, autism/adhd, furnishing a house, car problems, I could go on but it’s nothing you won’t have heard before. My money management is awful at the best of times without taking other things into account.

I don’t feel brave enough to post a full SOA yet but I’ll post income and debts. It’s a bit confusing because (and this is my biggest issue with money management) universal credit is paid as a joint claim into my bank account, my partner gets carer’s allowance which goes into his and gets deducted from UC, then I get PIP into my bank account. I have never been able to work out how to split finances and pay for things. And monthly/4-weekly payments confuse me. My partner is also pretty private about finances - I know he has a CC but I don’t know details. I’m not including his carer’s allowance on this SOA for that reason. So it’s going to be kind of mixed up between a joint SOA and an individual one. If I don’t say its joint then it’s mine.

Income:

UC: £1218 (joint, monthly)

PIP: £441.60 (4 weekly)

Debt:

Sainsburys CC: £857.21, 26.9% APR, monthly payment £77 (this month is £77 because I missed payments, it’s not normally this high)

Virgin CC: £4250.46, 23.29% APR, monthly payment £43

Paypal credit: £469.42, 21.9% APR, monthly payment £20

TSB OD: £3000, 0% APR, will be trying to arrange repayment with them

Monzo OD: £500, 29% APR, in talks with them to arrange repayment plan, hoping they may freeze interest

TSB loan: £1370.59, 21.47% APR monthly payment £106.06 

Total debt: £10447.68

Factors affecting spending:

Health - currently paying privately for two medications. No alternative option there.

Pets - dog and cat. They are my reason for living and even though I am very depressed they brighten my days endlessly.

Smoking - I know, I know. I don’t need the lecture. I need to quit but it genuinely feels like the only thing that helps me get through the day especially bad days. I don’t actually ‘want’ to quit, I feel forced to which obviously isn’t going to help going forward. But needs must and I’m dreading it. I don’t know whether to try to taper down or just go cold turkey. I’ve tried patches and gum before, didn’t work for me. 

To end on a positive note, here are some small wins:

⁃ I have put rent money aside for this month so it’s ring fenced

- I have opened a basic bank account with no overdraft facility, when I get the card I plan to use that as my bank account to allow me to begin paying back the other overdrafts

⁃ I’m going to do my best to limit my smoking starting tomorrow. I can have a smoke in the morning and in the evening, and not outside those times. I felt like going cold turkey was setting myself up to fail but needed more discipline than just saying oh I’ll cut down.

Hoping I don’t forget about this thread (I’m very good at going all in at the beginning then forgetting or losing interest). Please don’t lecture me I already know I’m a failure.

itsthelittlethings

Good luck! You have made a good start just putting it all down and facing it. I’m sure other people who are more knowledgeable than me will be along with suggestions.

teacats

itsthelittlethings said:

Good luck! You have made a good start just putting it all down and facing it. I’m sure other people who are more knowledgeable than me will be along with suggestions.

Thank you so much for your kind message. Even if there are no suggestions, just being able to find comfort in people who ‘get it’ will be enough.

RedFraggle

Pets are a sanctuary in hard times. 
Smoking or any nicotine addiction is hard to quit 
Domestic abuse is hugely damaging #survivor
Wishing you the very best of luck

FootyFanDan

Wishing you the best of luck. The most difficult step is taking time to sit and write everything down and acknowledge that changes are needed. This forum is full of very helpful people too, so sure they will be able to help you along 

PestoPasta

Best of luck. You’ve got this. The hardest part is starting, soon you will be as excited about no spend days as you were about buying the latest ‘whatever’. And pets are a form of medicine right there.

Sponge_pudding

Hi, I'm knew here too.  Wouldn't give up my pets for all the tea in china. 
Giving up or cutting down on the smokes is going to be harder with all the extra financial cutting back you're going to do.  We only do things that benefit us and smoking gives you a physiological calming reaction - hence seen as a benefit.  Maybe look at a back up plan of 'benefits' that also give a calming reaction such as lavender aromatherapy candles, epsom salt baths, meditation, just so when the going gets tough and you fancy a smoke, you have other options you can try.  Good luck we are only a failure if we stop trying.

Emmia

I'm a fan of gamifying goals, currently I'm aiming to do a daily weights workout, and I have an app on my phone (Loop habit tracker - android) where I "tick" when I've done my workout.

I also have "goals" of going to the gym 10x a month - every time I go it's another tick. 

No alcohol days... Another tick (I'm aiming for 5 days out of 7)

I could also use it for no spend days, days where I've swerved the biscuit tin.. 

Could you perhaps try this for smoking? i.e. start with a goal of twice a day and tick if you achieve it... 

It relies on you being "honest" with yourself, but when it comes to this stuff, the only person we have to be honest with really is ourselves.

OopsIdiditagain1

Hello teacats, it's a big step to share your story so that is a big win. I also have pets on which I spend a large proportion of my income, but they are my family and I have to make debt management work around them. They are a great source of comfort and a distraction from troubles.

I think the suggestion of gamifying goals is good. I have recently started using a free app called Finch. Basically you have a little critter to take care of and you set daily goals - anything from just getting out of bed to having a conversation with a stranger. When you tick off your goals your critter grows and you get rewards. There are daily affirmations and other "quests" to also boost your confidence. 

Sounds a bit childish and I have never been into things like that, but I'm finding it quite motivating to become more focused and present. I lost my sense of playfulness when I was a child and I think it could be therapeutic to get in touch with that again.

On the financial side, I would recommend completing an SOA for your own benefit. You may find it helpful to set out a realistic budget you can stick to, to help you feel more in control of your money.

teacats

RedFraggle said:

Pets are a sanctuary in hard times. 
Smoking or any nicotine addiction is hard to quit 
Domestic abuse is hugely damaging #survivor
Wishing you the very best of luck

They really are - I don’t know where I’d be without them.  
Thank you so much and I’m very proud of you for being a survivor (I’m just an internet stranger but still) x

teacats

Thank you all for lovely comments and good ideas. 

Will reply individually later on when I’m more awake - currently writing this in bed with a cup of tea and I’m half asleep.

Food shop day today. Partner and I have made a list and it doesn’t seem unreasonable but everything has gone up in price so much that I’m dreading getting to the checkout. My aim is under £50, but we do need things like kitchen roll, toilet roll etc which will push up the cost a bit. 

I have added up what I need for my debt repayments this month and set it aside in a Monzo ‘pot’. 

Of course this is the first day where I’m going to seriously try to cut right back on my smoking. None during the day. I’m awful for smoking when bored! I’m actually dreading it so much but I don’t have another option, it needs done! I did ask my GP for stop smoking medication but she wasn’t able to prescribe it unfortunately. 

Going to try to get some details from partner about his CC and other outgoings from his account because it’s very hard to manage money when I don’t really know the full picture. 

Happy Wednesday all and I hope you all have a lovely day xx