One Day More...

LostOnMyWay

...another day to becoming debt free

I want this diary to be my accountability mirror and to inspire others who find themselves in the darkness and grip of debt, wandering the abyss as they drowning in struggles to find hope and solace in the knowledge that they're not alone and that there is a way to get their life back and fight the battle ahead. This isn’t just my battle this is anyone and everyone’s who have debt and are ready to fight those pirates that prey on the vulnerable.

 

So, this is where the journey begins. It pains me to do this, but I must do this. I’ll break this down in segments and how I’m going to fix this mess I’ve created. 

 

The start of this journey

 

This journey goes way back initially. Up until the age of 27 I had never had a credit card in my life and only had one loan for when I moved home to help fund some furniture. I had almost paid that off before I found myself drawn into the temptation of credit cards.

My salary wasn’t anything to shout about and even to this day it’s not where I expected it to be by my age. For clarity, I’m pushing 40 in a few years.

Anyway, I got one. It was mostly to help pay for a trip abroad, my first one with the intentions to pay it off straight away (that didn’t happen). Then as months passed on from that trip more and more card companies came to me, and my credit rating was skyrocketing. However, a dark side to me begun to emerge. I love to gamble and the fact credit cards were allowed to be used, I begun to build up some debt chasing that one big win and the buzz of the small wins. I mostly had it all under some control and when the ban on credit cards came in, I found some relief and begun paying them off.

Let me just rewind a little. The origins of gambling came about from the people I surrounded myself with. I was never much of a gambler in my younger days, but I was in a highly stressful career, working long hours, surrounded by almost everyone with some form of addiction (drugs, alcohol, gambling). Unfortunately, the industry I was in was known to be a hive full of addiction, it wasn’t uncommon, and I ended up with gambling.

I made the first big step away from that when I finally was given the chance to change career, but that wasn’t the solution to a much greater problem that was still simmering away.

 

Losing my father

 

2020 hit and along came Covid and all the problems that came with those dark days. Sure, the first few months were fun in some strange way. Spending a lot of time doing what I wanted to do around the house, learning, and meeting people online. But soon after, my own world fell apart.

The day after Father’s Day my dad died suddenly at the age of 56. It hit me hard, not initially, that was to follow. Over the next year I had no support from family as I didn’t live close to any of them. I was constantly playing the phone call my mother made to me as it all unfolded, the moment still fresh today, but it doesn’t affect me like it did. The thing is, with no emotional support from loved ones made it incredible difficult to process it all. I didn’t seek help, perhaps I should have been brave and done that.

Delayed depression

Over the year of him passing I carried on as normal, not realising that it was all building up for a collapse. That day came 14 months later when I returned home for a holiday.  It was a good break until the final day. I returned to the home where my father died, where I saw him on that fateful day. My mother was moving out of the family home and going somewhere else so it was the last time I would step foot in the family home. It hit me and after leaving I spiralled into some terrible depression.

It begun affecting my work, home life, and saw me gambling more and more. I signed up to Gamstop but that didn’t help. There were ways around it and it got worse. Despite my credit rating being awful, having a personal loan and loads of credit cards, I was getting payday loans, and other loans to pay for life and gambling. This endless cycle of self-destruction has continued until recently. These gambling companies are the devil and the prey on the vulnerable. Adverts are everywhere despite changing cookies and selecting irrelevant or show less, they still appear. But not only online or TV, but sports teams are sponsored, and grounds are named after companies, it’s nearly impossible to escape it.

 

The first steps of fixing my life – stage one

 

This year I’ve begun working on myself. I’m hitting the gym a lot, tracking my progress, running weekly, and listening to a lot of audio books. I’m studying and trying to better my life, but still, gambling is there, and that addiction is crippling my finances. But there was hope. I had changed quite a bit and seen the light, but something was still holding me back.

 

The second steps of fixing my life – stage two

Who would have thought a trip to the theatre would be the catalyst of change. I went to London’s West End and saw Les Misérables. How one show could inspire me and drag me from the clutches of darkness amazes me. I stopped gambling, blocking myself from ever possible website I could find, I’ve now gone over 30 days without gambling and haven’t missed it or thought about it. Am I fixed? It’s far too early to say, but I don’t need it. Why couldn’t I feel this five year ago? No point living in the past, it’s time to move forward and fight this. That is where I am now. I joined this site after lurking for a while. Reading and learning, before asking for advice. There are so many wonderful people on here that I’ve been inspired and realised that there is hope, so I want to be testament to that. Most importantly no one is judging and they only want to help.

 

The current situation

 

So, this is where the debt lies. I’ve seen worse numbers, but I haven’t seen as many creditors in one hit. Thankfully the numbers are relatively low for most other than two. This is a huge war, and I will win.

 

Nationwide CC..................1500

Nationwide OD..................1200

Santander CC...................1034

Tesco..........................250

Capital One....................450

Klarna.........................997.5

Monzo OD.......................250

Barclaycard....................100

Zable..........................1200

Zopa...........................1500

Fluid CC.......................650

Marbles CC.....................2845.92

Very CC........................200

Very...........................1040.59

Salad Money Loan...............689.05

Moneyboat Loan.................818.99

Reevo Loan.....................556.75

Quid Market Loan...............918

Updraft Loan...................4941.39

Drafty Loan....................920

Mr Lender Loan.................898.17

Santander OD...................300

Total unsecured debts..........23260.36

 

 

Step one

Own this huge F**k up. I have; I will make amends and pay it all off.

Step two

Default the loans and the largest credit card. I’m running a deficit of around £400. I can’t afford to live so in the interim, I will default and build an emergency fund. I’m now in the process of writing complaints to each company. The fact is, most of the loans are recent and I’ve been living with 95% of my credit being used up for years with a poor credit rating. I should never have been given the loans. The credit card companies haven’t helped either, for the last two years or so almost all of them go over the limit and I’m only paying minimal before using whatever is available again to pay of priority debts.

Step three

Snowball the Credit Cards. I want them all paid off in a year. I will be earning additional money where possible, but I want to knock each card out of the park. Small wins leading the big win of being debt free. Stopping the loans will help with those.

Step four 

Pay of the loans. I have no idea what damage will be done over the next few months or what the balances will remain after my complaints, but I will work through them over the next 6 years. I would love to see myself debt free two years from posting this. It’s not impossible, but my mindset needs to be right.

Step five

Become debt free. This is the big step, the dream. I want it and I need it.

Step six

Invest and enjoy my life. I will build wealth and look back on this nightmare as a learning curve and a tool to ensure I never slip back into the darkness. How soon I can reach this step will be unknown, but I make a vow that I will do it as soon as I can.

 

So that is it. In the coming posts I will drop books and even songs that have helped start me on this journey but the biggest step for now is posting this online for strangers to see. My accountability mirror is up and there is no going back. I’m armoured up and ready to fight this battle, and thanks to Les Misérables, I have seen the darkness and found the light and there is a battle to be won.

FlorayG

Interesting story and amazing that all those CC and loans were allowed when you were clearly already in a financial mess, so I hope your complaints are successful. I assume if you win your complaint then that debt would be written off? Best wishes

LzzyIsGod

Welcome @LostMyOnWay - lots in your story resonates with me (especially Les Mis - Love this show. I'm also very partial to a song title! 

I am absolutely no expert at all but things/advice that have helped me:

- A really honest and realistic SOA - Always worth revisiting at reasonably regular intervals 
- having systems/support in place for mental resilience (there will be Javert/Valjean like moments of doubt - well certainly I have found that)

Lovely @warby68 often reminds me it's like turning a tanker around - needs a combination of effort, consistency, patience, resilience and occasionally a bit of creativity.

I shall follow for moral support (and song references)

LostOnMyWay

FlorayG said:

Interesting story and amazing that all those CC and loans were allowed when you were clearly already in a financial mess, so I hope your complaints are successful. I assume if you win your complaint then that debt would be written off? Best wishes

Thank you. If not, I will manage my own DMP and take each one down as fast as possible. Now it's all about ownership. 

vampirotoothus

Hi, welcome
It is probably worth doing a statement of affairs, an audit of all your pockets (for spare money) and an audit of your food cupboards and freezer. Then you can work a plan. As you have a relatively low amount of debt, I would be averse to going to default route because that will affect you for 6 years. Is there any way that you can move some of your debt around so that you have less creditors to service, because that is what is causing you the hardship, not the total amount. Good luck V x

LostOnMyWay

LzzyIsGod said:

Welcome @LostMyOnWay - lots in your story resonates with me (especially Les Mis - Love this show. I'm also very partial to a song title! 

I am absolutely no expert at all but things/advice that have helped me:

- A really honest and realistic SOA - Always worth revisiting at reasonably regular intervals 
- having systems/support in place for mental resilience (there will be Javert/Valjean like moments of doubt - well certainly I have found that)

Lovely @warby68 often reminds me it's like turning a tanker around - needs a combination of effort, consistency, patience, resilience and occasionally a bit of creativity.

I shall follow for moral support (and song references)

Yes, it's such a great show isn't it? Since watching it I've been obsessed. 

Yes definitely, I've done my initial one on the other forum page so I have my starting point. 
I like that, no doubt these Javerts will keep hunting me.  

Thankfully I'm a creative person so I have that down, just need to work on the rest, especially patience, something I can lack, but the analogy is perfect. 

Thank you. I will be updating as often as I can, with references.

LostOnMyWay

vampirotoothus said:

Hi, welcome
It is probably worth doing a statement of affairs, an audit of all your pockets (for spare money) and an audit of your food cupboards and freezer. Then you can work a plan. As you have a relatively low amount of debt, I would be averse to going to default route because that will affect you for 6 years. Is there any way that you can move some of your debt around so that you have less creditors to service, because that is what is causing you the hardship, not the total amount. Good luck V x

Thank you. I have done the SOA on the other forum, default and building an emergency fund has been recommended. I'm around -£400 at the end of the month at the moment with little wiggle room and no way of moving things around as all cards are maxed out. The overall number isn't huge (compared to some numbers on here and those that Dave Ramsey deals with), but the amount of creditors are a bit eyewatering.