In desperate need of help and guidance please!

Andyjflet

A quick point, any debt arrangements would be hard to hide from your husband in the long run, and when its time to re-mortgage or linked address checks may show up your situation. Therefore the people on here usually advise that this is a conversation you may both need to have.

Going forward a DMP may work for you, particularly if you think your marriage may not last then you are going to need some funds or breathing space to keep yourself afloat. 

enthusiasticsaver

You need to let your husband know if you intend to default and I cannot see you have much option other than to do that.  If you have any joint accounts or mortgage then he will be financially associated with you so that may impact on his decision to continue 50/50 with household bills in spite of the fact he earns twice as much as you. 

RAS

I understood from Headisspinning18's earlier post that she and husband no longer use a joint account, but if they still have one open, that needs closing. 

With respect to the mortgage, they will need to renew to the best option using their provider's offers rather than whole of market. That does not require a credit check.

Whilst the OP plainly had some debt before this marital strife, it looks like some additional debt has been incurred, possibly as low rates ended? The OP does need to look at what additional debt has been incurred recently and isn't on her SOA?

Again, I'd urge the OP to speak to Women's Aid and research the benefits situation. She could end up separated from her husband but living in the same house and entitled to some benefit support.

thelibrarian11

Hi, I just wanted to say I'm so similar to you! I'm in my early 40s and have been in debt my whole life, and I've got 2 kids and a pain in the bum husband as well that I keep my finances separate from. The difference is that he earns less than me, I handle all the bills and get him to pay me a set amount each month. It's about a 70/30 split and I know what his income is. Could you ask him what his earnings are, show him calculations, percentages etc and work out what percentage of the family income you bring, and then work out what that percentage of the bills is? What would his reaction be to that? Does he know about these debts?