Money Moral Dilemma: Should we return the furniture we thought we'd been given for free?

FrugalThrills

The furniture was given to you as a freebie which was kind. You donated money which was also kind. If they expected you to give the value of the furniture to their son what was the point of them giving it to you? I'd be inclined to give it back as they seem to want to inhabit the moral highground, but they just come across as unpleasant. You are in the right.

FrugalThrills

In addition, they wanted to give you the furniture and I would guess that was because they wanted to get rid of it. If you hadn't taken it they would have had the hassle of selling it or arranging collection for donation.

Saturday_is_for_football

My parents' friend is a house clearance / auction "guy". He had a nearly new 3 piece suite the owners were looking to rehome after a relatives death so he alerted my mum/dad who was looking to replace theirs. Nearly new, barely used, cost over £1500. Dad viewed it, offered £500 and was told "oh no, it's worth more than that, we'll send it to the auction". No hard feelings - dad went to the auction to bid on it. No one else was interested and he got it for £10 plus auction taxes. Second hand furniture goes for a song .... 

JainEm

Give the furniture back, as your mum may be affected by bad feeling coming from the greedy neighbour if this is not resolved. Whether you also ask for the sponsorship donation back is up to you - the son running the Marathon doesn't need to be out of pocket because his parent is selfish. And get your furniture secondhand - at least to start off with - it's easy to revive pre-owned items and you will be proud of your efforts.

liselle

I’ve been in a similar situation but a friend who was a solicitor suggested that I use one phrase: Past consideration is no consideration.

teresa54

I'd be careful how to deal with this - it's really unpleasant to live next to a neighbour who feels wronged - even when or especially when they haven't been wronged at all!

I'd be inclined to offer to give it back, in a very friendly way, saying you didn't realise it was a sale. Then asking for the hundred back, or minus whatever your donation would have been anyway - if anything! Stay friendly throughout - any frostiness will give them ammunition to build a resentment towards you. If they weren't next door neighbours I'm not sure how I'd handle it - but veer towards exactly the same. It's unpleasant to have to bear a conflict over something which needn't flare up into a big argument.

FrugalThrills

Saturday_is_for_football said:

My parents' friend is a house clearance / auction "guy". He had a nearly new 3 piece suite the owners were looking to rehome after a relatives death so he alerted my mum/dad who was looking to replace theirs. Nearly new, barely used, cost over £1500. Dad viewed it, offered £500 and was told "oh no, it's worth more than that, we'll send it to the auction". No hard feelings - dad went to the auction to bid on it. No one else was interested and he got it for £10 plus auction taxes. Second hand furniture goes for a song .... 

How perfect

amysquie

I would ignore the neighbour if you can, they sound like you won't get any sense out of them either way. The donation goes to the charity, not to them so the value of the furniture is immaterial. Presumably they gave the furniture to you knowing it was to help you save money, so why would you donate the full cost of the furniture? If you can't ignore them, I'd tell them it's rude to want the value of a gift back, but if they want to come and pick it up they're welcome to!

jedav

[Deleted User] said:

I am so sorry to hear that your mum has the misfortune of living next to such a singularly unpleasant individual! If you are happy with the furniture he gave you and wish to keep it, you are completely within your rights to do so with no further contribution or discussion on the matter. If the neighbour mentions it again, I would write him a letter along the following lines and hand-deliver it through his letterbox, to ensure he receives it.

”Dear [Bob],

[John] and I wish to thank you once again for donating the furniture to us. It was such a kind gesture and we wanted you to know it is very much appreciated. As you know, this is our first home and we are just setting out in life. As you can also imagine, we have very little spare cash, so it has been a real help to us and obviously very much needed at this time. It is comforting to know that there are thoughtful people like yourself who think of others first.

In turn, we hope you will also come to appreciate the donation we voluntarily made for your son’s recent London Marathon run. Incidentally, what a kind and thoughtful son you have, raising money for charity in this way. You must be very proud of him!

With best wishes,

[Sign both your names]”

If he should dare to pursue his request for more money after this, simply blank him completely and do not in any circumstances enter into any further discussion on the matter.

Very diplomatic!

Jami74

I bet there was a conversation that went like this:
Son: Your neighbours kid donated £100 to my charity!
Father: Yeah I gave them all that old furniture
Son: What? If you didn't want you should have sold it, it's worth much more than £100.

Personally I don't think you can ask for a charity donation back. Who would pay it? Don't think the charity will, son might not have £100 to give you and the Father might not either.

As for the furniture, I'd probably say "Really sorry we misunderstood. We can't afford to pay for it or pay another donation so you'll have to take it back to sell." I bet they'd decide that it would be too much hassle.