Shopping addiction? :(

mcrfan

Just wondering if you guys believe in shopping addiction? Apparently it is known as oniomania.

I know it's not a recognised addiction like gambling, booze etc. but I definitely feel it's a condition. It sounds silly saying it "shopping addiction" but I have got myself into a real mess because of my love of shopping, carrying on spending even when I know I shouldn't and I have lots of debt. I can't even admit to anyone how much debt I have as it is such a shocking amount and I genuinely can't believe how it has built up over the years.
I keep thinking I need to chop up those credit cards and close the catalogue accounts but something stops me. I never knew I had an addictive personality but I totally do, with this and I've become addicted to food too, I have put on over 2 stone in 2007.

Does anyone know of any shopping addiction support out there? I tried googling it but didn't really find anything.

I have drawn up a budget now and can just about make my minimum repayments, but it leaves me with not much leftover, I just worry that it's going to be very hard as shopping cheers me up and I'm not going to have money left over to do anything to cheer myself up!

The only thing that's stopped me now is that my credit cards are up to the limit and I'm up to my overdraft so can't buy stuff anymore! I can't get any more credit as I already have so much (I've never missed a payment so don't have bad credit but think it is the amount that I have)
So my plan is to try and lose lots of weight in the first half of this year and then hopefully I will achieve my wl goal and then I would have a bit of spare time (and confidence) to get a second job like in a pub or something? I just don't know how I messed up my life so much!

Anyway rant over I feel really stupid!
:eek:

chevalier

Okay no you are not stupid.

Second yes great about losing weight, BUT only if you DON'T use it as a justification for buying more clothes! And also you don't need a second job you need help with your problem. I would suggest you ask your DR to put you in contact with a cognitive behavioural therapist who will be able to help you break the link between shopping and happiness, and help you to get better coping mechanisms, than shopping.

good luck
chev

pandapaws

Hi!

Sounds quite comical, but I think I know exactly what you mean - I reckon if it is a clinical condition I've probably got a dose of it myself.

I just love buying stuff! I don't need it and have nowhere to put it, but I still want it. I'll buy stuff, and it'll sit in the car boot for months on end because as soon as I've bought it, I've lost interest.

I think that since LBM I've made significant improvements, and I've changed the way I shop, but the reason I'm here is because I just can't afford to fall off the wagon. I still shop and spend, I just do it differently.

Here's a few things I've started doing in the past months which might help you too mcrfan:

I don't take credit cards out - if I can't pay it by Switch I can't afford it.

I return loads of things for refunds! Still the buzz of the purchase, but none of the expense!

If I see an irresistable bargain that I have to buy, I buy it and either put it away as a future gift, or I sell it on Ebay for a profit (but beware tax implications!)

I hang around here all the time - amazing how much you get a dose of reality when you've just spent £100 on a handbag and realise other people are struggling to buy a 30p bag of pasta to feed their kids - handbag straight on Ebay or back to the shop!

Just started mystery shopping - buying stuff and getting paid for it!

Love that there's a name for it - I'm an oniomaniac, which is quite amusing as long as it's under control which I think mine just about is, but full sympathy to anyone who really has a spending problem - I can see exactly where they're coming from. Let us all know if you find any more info, I think a lot of people here are in a similar position and it might help.

painted_lady

I believe shopping is an addiction, its the feeling you get when you have made a purchase that makes you feel good, then you feel down you have spent money and therefore go shopping again for a rush. It is just like A few years ago, I was very unwell, mainly with a medical problem but alos depression. I felt good about myself when I went shopping, I ended up with lots of expensive clothes, as buying clothes made me feel good. I have a friend who does similar, she feels she was deprived during childhood and therefore makes up for it now by "treating" herself to nice expensive clothes, she is also unhappy about her weight and buying nice things makes her feel good.
I have stopped spending now, bought a couple of essentials over last 12 months but mainly because I have had a baby. I also saw a counsellor who helped me deal with a few issues in my past and now I dont feel the need to go shopping to make me feel good, I have other mechanisms in place.
Think how good you will feel if you manage to not buy what you dont need and manage to pay some debt off? I find not going in the shop in the first place helps, or maybe begin by treating yourself to one item a month, or a set amount of money? I used to think nothing of spending £250 a month on clothes, now I limit to say £10, so usually charity shop bargains or one or 2 items from a cheaper store. I dont even do this every month.
If you got a a part time job now maybe you wouldnt have the time to go to the shops in the first place, as well as having more money to throw at your debts?

pandapaws

I should add as well, that when I was at the very lowest point financially (borrowing money from one card to pay min payments on another and so on), I shopped more than ever. So I really do know where you're coming from. Good luck.

poorandindenial

Yup, count me in with you and pandapaws!

A friend of mine has the same problem but linked to her bipolar disorder and she rates cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) as the best type of therapy for her (I have also had CBT for a phobia and it worked).

My friend has also developed many coping strategies, in addition to some that pandapaws has covered, when she returns home from a shopping trip, before she opens the bags, she tries to remember what she has purchased, if she can't remember it then back it goes. I think the self humiliation of not being able to remember what she has bought is the thing that works.

I love that oniomaniac sounds so much like an onion-addict (my preference is pickled silverskin)

Incidentally - check out my signature - nearly all of that is my compulsive shopping on shoes, handbags, make-up and clothes (the rest is probably boozy nights out with the girls)

mcrfan

Thanks all, it feels better to know that other people feel the same. Plus I'm not the only one to have racked up the debts on girlie shopping I always think it's just me and everyone else's debt is on meaningful things like house, kids etc.!!!
I think the main thing I have to do is cut out the temptation - so the credit cards need to be chopped up and the catalogue accounts paid off and cancelled. Sadly I need to keep one of my credit cards for this month as I am up to my overdraft limit with direct debits so will need a cc for buying food and petrol etc.
Have been naughty and went shopping in the sales last weekend but promised myself that is it now!

But it's a new year and I've got my budget so hopefully I can get myself sorted. Not sure on what to do with the depression/addiction angle I guess I should go to the doc but I'm going to see how things go for now.

I'm already v unpopular with my local clothes shops as I am always buying things and taking them back! (I used to work in one so I know how annoying it is!)

I would love to buy a new wardrobe when lose weight but hoping to do it in a guilt free way and save a small amount of money out of my budget each month and then with some birthday money I will hopefully be able to buy some new clothes in my teeny new dress size!!!
In the meantime trying to think of any ways I can up my income that isn't too time consuming as going to be spending alot of time at the gym!!

I've just got to get out of the habit of shopping and stick to my budget!!! Sounds so simple doesn't it...?!!

arbroath_lass

I feel the same - there is something about shopping that lifts my spirits.

Last year I started looking for freebies on the net when I felt a bit low you know samples and stuff. It's not the same as shopping but it does help a bit.

pandapaws

Mcrfan, I've honestly found that the thing which has helped me the most has been this website. I started spending a lot of time on here in the summer, and started my own debt (and everything else!) diary in Aug. Since then, I get on here most days, read loads of other people's diaries, and keep updating my own. It doesn't matter so much whether anyone's reading it or not, although it's fab that people do, but the thought of writing that I've spent money on something ridiculous does make me stop and think. I've just started getting right into the challenges as well, which gives great motivation.

In that time I've had 2 fairly long breaks away, and both times I've fallen completely off the spending wagon, probably somewhere in the region of £2-3k (which thankfully came out of money rather than credit as it would in the past, but that's still wasted money that could have reduced my debt). I'm now keeping much tighter track of what I'm spending. It might sound sad to some, but the support you can get here is absolutely amazing, and the knowledge that you're potentially telling the whole world about things makes you think more carefully about them in the first place. It's actually a bit of an addiction in itself - I'm sure loads of other MSE/DFWs would agree, but a much healthier one than onion-mania!

Why don't you try posting a full SOA (income, outgoings etc) with a bit of history and see if anyone has any other ideas to help? It might just help: if not, it hasn't cost anything and there's no tricky returns policy to deal with!

southernscouser

Have you thought about counselling? :think:

There was a programme on last year about a woman who was addicted to shopping and she didn't know why.

Anways she had therapy and the end result was when she was a child she lived with her folks and grandparents. At the time the family were quite well off and never went without.

Her grandparents died some time after and so did her parents in a very short space of time. The reason she was spending now was it subconciously reminded her of her childhood. Basically her spending came down to her missing her parents and grandparents.

I'm not suggesting this is the same for you but there is almost certainly an underlying reason for your addiction. Maybe low confidence/self esteem. I don't know really but something to consider!

pandapaws

I think there's possibly something in that SS. Counselling would probably work for some people but I'm afraid I'm a bit skeptical - I think I just like having nice things - whatever the root of that need is, I don't think it's going to change.

The way I see it, there are loads of recognised addictions: from fairly innocent things like chocolate, caffiene, sex or exercise to harmful things like overeating, alcohol, tobacco, drugs, and even things like violence and child abuse. So when you think about it comparitively, those of us with addictive personalities could be doing a lot worse than buying shoes we didn't need but had to have because they were in the sale! So long as we can keep the spending under control at least we're not harming anyone. It's just the control part that's hard to master. I think that's the root of it - I don't actually want to stop enjoying shopping, I just want to keep it affordable. That's why I'm here.