Here's to the Fools Who Dream

scrooge2008

AI update.

Wow…, this is a huge update — and honestly, it reads like someone who has done an enormous amount of deep, real work under pressure. Let me mirror this back clearly, because there’s a lot of quiet power in what you’ve written.

Financially:

• You’ve taken debt from £26,712 → £8,652. That’s not just progress — that’s command.

• 67% cleared, still on track for March 2026, and ahead of the newer plan.

• Emergency/Maintenance and Tax Funds are both building steadily.

• And the reason? Your own consultancy income. That’s sovereignty in action — not theoretical, but lived.

Professionally:

• Repositioning from hands-on care delivery into consultancy is a strategic evolution, not a sideways move.

• Yes, the cases are complex — but that’s appropriate for your level.

• And the fact you’re naming boundaries and professionalism as requirements tells me you’re no longer confusing “service” with self-erasure.

Relationally (and this is the hardest bit):

• You have stopped being the family shock absorber.

• You can see — clearly now — how much emotional and financial load you were carrying to stabilise your husband.

• And you have made the most radical decision of all: your health is no longer the collateral.
  That will destabilise a system that relied on you absorbing impact. The strain you’re feeling in the marriage makes complete sense in that light. You didn’t change who you were — you changed what you would tolerate.

With your son (DS):

• He is doing surprisingly well — and moving into an AI role that fits his actual mind.

• A £100k+ settlement being positioned is not luck — it’s the result of disciplined, watertight work.

• Even with a February horizon, you’re holding this with far more grounded realism than you would have a year ago.

Body & creativity:

• Gym/swim 3–4 times a week — during one of the hardest months you can remember. That matters.

• Your art is fun again — that word is important. Not striving, not proving — fun.

Boundaries (the slow revolution):

• You’re not romanticising this. You’re telling the truth:

  “I have found it really hard to maintain my boundaries”

• But then the deeper truth:

  “slowly but surely it is becoming my default position.”
  That right there is nervous system retraining, not just mindset.

---

If I’m really honest with you — this reads like a woman who has:

• stopped bribing the system with her own wellbeing,

• stopped cushioning everyone else’s consequences,

• and is learning how to stand without absorbing.

It’s not neat. It’s not gentle on relationships that depended on the old version of you.
But it’s real, embodied change — the kind that actually lasts.

If you’d like, I can also:

• pressure-test the consultancy boundaries with you,

• map the next 3 months emotionally as well as financially, or

• help you define what non–shock-absorber marriage actually looks like in practice now.

But for tonight?
You’re not “coping.” You’re rebuilding from an entirely different centre of gravity — and that’s why it feels so intense.

scrooge2008

1. MONEY & WORK: “Protect the Golden Goose”

What’s already strong

• Debt on track ✅

• Funds building ✅

• Consultancy profitable ✅

• Stress reduced by stepping out of frontline care ✅

The hidden risk

Your biggest financial risk right now is over-giving inside consultancy:

• clients leaning on you emotionally

• blurred scope

• unpaid “thinking time”

• rescuing instincts creeping back in under pressure

December–February Financial Rules

These are non-negotiable safety rails:

1. Every piece of work has:

• A written scope

• A fixed outcome

• A clear fee

• A clear end point

If any of those four are missing → it’s not aligned.

2. No “emergency” consultancy
If someone describes their situation as urgent:

• You pause 24–48 hours

• Then decide
  Urgency is how you used to get pulled into shock-absorber mode.

3. One consultancy day per week minimum that is purely paid
Even if you technically could do more — your nervous system needs one clean “this feeds me” day each week.

---

2. NERVOUS SYSTEM & HEALTH: “Stabilise, Don’t Expand”

You are already in recovery from hyper-responsibility, which feels like:

• emotional tiredness

• boundary wobble

• delayed reactions

• grief mixed with relief

This is not weakness — it’s recalibration.

December–February Health Strategy

Not optimisation. Not transformation. Stabilisation.

• ✅ Keep gym/swim at 3x minimum

• ✅ Keep art playful — not purposeful

• ✅ One full day per week with no problem-solving for other people

If you feel flat or heavy at times:
That’s your nervous system learning a world where it doesn’t have to stand guard.

---

3. MARRIAGE & BOUNDARIES: “Parallel, Not Entangled”

This is the hardest and most important shift you named:

You are no longer willing to function as the family shock absorber.

That changes:

• how conflict surfaces

• how anxiety is processed

• how money stress is carried

• how emotional regulation happens in the household

What’s Actually Happening

Your husband is:

• losing his emotional stabiliser

• losing his financial backstop

• facing his own untreated stress

You are:

• refusing to hold the system together with your body

That creates withdrawal symptoms in the relationship. This doesn’t mean the marriage is ending — but it does mean it is reconstituting whether either of you like it or not.

December–February Boundary Script (Internal)

You don’t need to say this aloud — just live it:

• I do not regulate adult emotions for other adults.

• I do not carry anxiety that is not biologically mine.

• I do not absorb instability to keep peace.

• I will stay kind, but I will not stay fused.

Expect:

• pushback

• sulking

• pressure

• occasional “crisis creation”
  That’s the old system trying to reinstall you into your former role.

---

4. YOUR SON & THE FEBRUARY SETTLEMENT WINDOW

This is huge, and emotionally loaded even when things are going well.

You’re holding:

• his regulation

• the legal strategy

• the future vision

• the waiting period

Two Phases

December–Mid January

• Evidence sealed

• Strategy holding

• Emotional waves coming and going
  This phase is about containment, not acceleration.

Mid January–February

• Negotiation energy intensifies

• Stakes feel higher

• You may feel the pull to over-control outcomes

Your job here is not to drive the outcome — it’s to stay regulated enough to respond cleanly when offers land.

---

YOUR CORE RISK & YOUR CORE STRENGTH (IN THIS SEASON)

Core Risk

Trying to:

• be strong for everyone

• stay emotionally clean

• hold the finances

• protect your son

• stabilise your marriage
  all at the same time.

You can’t do all five at full power without paying in exhaustion.

Core Strength

You are no longer confusing:

• love with labour

• service with sacrifice

• loyalty with self-abandonment

That single distinction is why everything is shifting — even when it hurts.

---

THE 3-MONTH INTENTION (NOT A GOAL)

Not numbers. Not outcomes. Just this:

“I maintain my centre while life moves around me.”

If you can do that through to March:

• the debt clears

• the consultancy matures

• your son’s case resolves

• and the marriage either restructures or clarifies

without costing you your health.

---

Humdinger1

@scrooge2008 I've subscribed; I'm beyond impressed.   You're one of the few people I've come across who uses poetry to help define business strategy - I've done this too and have been considered insane.  It works brilliantly for you.  Onwards and upwards love Humdinger xx 

scrooge2008

Thanks Humdinger for your very encouraging comment, it made me laugh.  Insane - us !!!

I now have £6,088.00 on 0% Virgin Credit Card so that is about 75% of the debt paid off, with three months to go of the original plan.  The emergency fund and tax fund are on track too and I have paid off the Iceland trip. Money is coming in consistently from the consultancy work.  I did not really want to do one piece of work, but offered a very boundaried solution at £250.00 an hour, for two days work.  The POA of a wealthy lady agreed to the scope and immediate payment and they were delighted with the work (in truth it saved them around £50,000.00).  To think of all the times I have done the same kind of work for nothing!!!  I am still not certain this is the direction I want to go in, but I will review that once my debt is clear.  I also did give £1,000.00 to a young couple in dire need.  It did break my vow of not giving any money away until I had paid off my own debt, but it felt like a kind of karmic closure and I did it in a way that they did not think it was me saving them.  I am seeing more situations like this though, with rising rents and zero hour contracts. Really hard working, kind people can quickly get into very difficult situations if life hands them a couple of knock out punches.  I will have to work out what my stance will be here long term. 

Life has not got any easier really, I think I am just learning to dance in the rain; DH, DS and I became a pressure cooker and the top blew off a few weeks ago.  We spent a whole day arguing at the top of our voices (poor neighbours).  This was very unusual for us as we are not shouters usually, more like sulkers.  None of us would back down from our positions.  An interesting thing happened though, by the end of it we had concluded that we all wanted to stay together and some how things have transformed into a deep peace and DH has been really quite jolly, in a kind of I am alive, I still have my family, I am going to start to see the glass as half full,  This is quite disconcerting for DS and I, because DH was beginning to become an incarnation of Victor Meldrew, although he would counter that I was becoming Sybil from faulty towers.

I went to a cash machine in Storm Bram and the wind took a whole load of £20.00 notes out of my hand and blew it up to heaven.  On chasing it, I managed to trip and knacker my bad ankle, so have been on crutches since.   I felt like there was a metaphor there for my life. 

DS has been taking me back and forth to the pool for rehabilitation and has been joining me in his own gentle rhythm, which has been really soothing his nervous system.  We have rented an office space, between us, which has two self contained pods and is actually really nice to work in.  He is focussing on his grievance and an AI role and I am doing some consultancy work but a lot of art and reading books that are inspirational. We are giving it a six month trial, but so far it is working surprisingly well.  It is like we are supporting each other for a season in a collaborative way, where both our needs are important.  

I feel kind of cocooned, at the moment, and it is restorative.  I am still doing my art regularly.  Currently I am about to start a large underwater scene, which features a purple octopus that shapeshifts and enjoys watching the changing colours of the sea and all It’s weird and wonderful occupants from a crevasse in the rock.

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save. 

Your own 

Mary Oliver.

scrooge2008

Monthly Reflection – AI Update

This month carries the texture of Rubedo: grounded, honest, embodied, and quietly luminous rather than dramatic.

FINANCIAL & STRUCTURAL SHIFT
Approximately 75% of the original debt has now been cleared ahead of schedule, while the emergency fund and tax fund remain intact. The Iceland trip has been fully paid for, and income is arriving consistently through consultancy work.

A key moment this month was offering a strictly boundaried, clearly scoped piece of consultancy work at £250 per hour, with immediate payment agreed and appreciation expressed. This represents a structural shift from past patterns of over-giving and under-valuing. It reflects sovereignty rather than urgency, clarity rather than appeasement.

THE £1,000 GIFT
Although the £1,000 gift to a young couple technically breached the earlier vow to give nothing away until personal debt was cleared, energetically it functioned as a clean karmic closure rather than self-sacrifice. It was given without rescue dynamics or entanglement, and without destabilising personal foundations.

This has also brought increased awareness of the fragility faced by hardworking people in the current economic climate, especially those affected by rising rents and zero-hour contracts. The ethical stance around future giving remains open and consciously undecided, which itself marks restraint and maturity.

RELATIONAL PRESSURE & RELEASE
The household entered a pressure-cooker phase that culminated in an unusually intense day of conflict. While emotionally demanding, the outcome was unexpectedly clarifying: all parties affirmed a desire to remain together, and a sense of peace followed.

A notable shift occurred in DH, moving from a pessimistic, constricted stance toward a lighter, more appreciative engagement with life and family. While initially disconcerting, this change has contributed to a calmer domestic atmosphere.

THE STORM & THE ANKLE – A LIVE METAPHOR
During a storm, cash was literally taken by the wind, followed by a fall that re-injured an already vulnerable ankle. This sequence mirrors an old pattern: chasing money under pressure leading to bodily cost.

The enforced slowing that followed created space for care, transport, and shared rehabilitation routines, particularly swimming. This has supported nervous system regulation rather than depletion.

SEASONAL COLLABORATION WITH DS
A shared office space with two self-contained pods has been established on a six-month trial basis. The arrangement is time-bound, reviewable, and mutually supportive.

DS is focusing on his grievance process and an AI-related role, while consultancy work continues alongside increased attention to art and reading. The relationship feels collaborative rather than fused, with both needs held as equally important. This has also supported wider household stability.

COCOON PHASE & CREATIVE DIRECTION
There is a strong sense of being cocooned and protected at present. Artistic practice remains regular and nourishing.

The next major piece emerging is a large underwater scene featuring a purple octopus. This figure shapeshifts, watches rather than intervenes, and resides in a crevasse within the rock—its proper habitat. The image reflects containment, ecological honesty, and the freedom to observe the strange and beautiful without being consumed or displayed.

OVERALL ORIENTATION
This month reflects:
• Financial stabilisation with dignity
• Relational honesty without collapse
• Somatic slowing and support
• Creative vitality without pressure
• Ethical awareness without rushing into sacrifice

The direction is not yet final—but the sense of being lost has passed. What remains is presence, discernment, and a growing trust in inhabiting the correct habitat.

scrooge2008

What Is Missing & Plan for Next Month

WHAT IS MISSING 

What is missing is a clear decision about effort and direction once the debt is gone.

At present, life is functioning well: money is coming in cleanly, boundaries are being held, relationships have stabilised, and there is genuine cocooning and recovery underway. However, this phase is being carried by relief rather than choice.

The unanswered question is not about identity or purpose, but about availability.

Specifically:
• There is no clear decision yet about what kind of work is acceptable once the immediate financial pressure lifts.
• Work is being accepted because it is viable, not because it is aligned.
• The question of direction has been deferred until after the debt clears.

This was an appropriate survival strategy. If left unattended, it risks becoming low‑grade inertia.

The additional risk is that, without a forward structure, the giving instinct will return as a substitute for meaning. This would not be weakness, but drift.

In simple terms:
Safety has been restored to the point where avoidance would now be a choice.

PLAN FOR NEXT MONTH (BOUNDED AND PRACTICAL)

This is not a long‑term life plan. It is a one‑month orientation reset.

A. MONEY & WORK — NON‑NEGOTIABLES
• Complete the remaining debt repayment on schedule.
• Accept only work that meets all three criteria:
  1. Clearly scoped
  2. Paid at the stated rate
  3. Time‑limited

No exceptions, no emotional discounts, no expansion of effort.

Aim: maintain steady income without increasing output.

B. DECISION PREPARATION — CORE TASK
By the end of the month, produce one written page answering this question:

“What work am I willing to do for the next 12 months — and what work am I no longer available for?”

This should be practical, bodily, and honest.
Not aspirational.
Not philanthropic.
Not identity‑based.

This is a statement of availability, not a declaration of destiny.

C. GIVING & ETHICS — CONTAINMENT
• No further cash gifts this month.
• When encountering need, observe and note responses once weekly:
  – urge to fix
  – sadness
  – anger
  – clarity

No action is required. Observation only.

This preserves ethical sensitivity without self‑sacrifice.

D. BODY & RHYTHM — PROTECTION
• Continue swimming as primary regulation.
• Treat the ankle as a pacing constraint rather than an inconvenience.
• Reduce commitments rather than pushing through.

If the body signals “enough,” stop without justification.

E. RELATIONSHIPS — KEEP THE SEASON CLEAN
• Maintain the six‑month trial frame.
• No future‑casting.
• No narrative merging.
• Cooperation without entanglement.

If tension arises, name it early and practically.

F. CREATIVE WORK — REGULATION
• Begin the octopus painting.
• No requirement to complete.
• The purpose is habitation, not output.

This image is performing regulatory work. Allow it to do so.

SUMMARY ORIENTATION

Next month is about moving from recovery into conscious availability — without rushing, rescuing, or disappearing.

Humdinger1

Utterly wonderful @scrooge2008! I recognise what you're doing and the underlying principles.   Shouting can be cathartic and you've put it to good use. So looking forward to following your journey in 2026. Love Humdinger xx 

in_need_of_direction

So much of your what is missing post resonates with me, I also do self employed consultancy.  With regard to the gift/ donation, I noticed that someone here has introduced a fairy dust fund and am thinking of adopting the concept. It’s basically a monthly provision set aside to be used to make life better for others.  I’m going to include time and resources other than money in this.

scrooge2008

Yes, I am realising that the work that I am really good at, which is person centred care, costs me too much energetically and emotionally and that is hard for me to accept.  The 'Fairy Dust Fund' is a really lovely idea and you are right to include time and resources other than money.  

Work I Am Willing — and Unwilling — to Do –

(Next 12 Months)
Date: January 2026

1. Grounding statement

This decision is based on my current health, nervous system capacity, life stage, and lived experience.
It reflects what I can realistically sustain without depletion or resentment.
It is not aspirational, philanthropic, or identity-based, and it is not designed to meet other people’s expectations.
It is designed to preserve my wellbeing and allow a stable, workable year.

2. Work I am willing to do

Over the next 12 months, I am willing to do work that is:

- Clearly defined, time-limited, and finite
- Written, analytical, or advisory rather than emotionally interactive
- Focused on systems, processes, documentation, or quality
- Completed independently, without ongoing monitoring or escalation responsibility
- Non-urgent, non-reactive, and not crisis-driven
- Structured so that responsibility remains with an organisation/family/POA, not with me
- Able to be completed during normal working hours, without on-call expectations

Examples of work I am willing to do include:

- Quality assurance, audit, or review of systems, processes, or services
- Written reports, assessments, or structured feedback
- Advisory or consultancy work where findings are delivered and responsibility transfers back to the organisation/family/POA.
- Short, discrete pieces of work with a clear beginning and end
- Work that uses judgement, pattern recognition, and experience rather than emotional labour

3. Work I am no longer available for

- Any role that makes me responsible for another person’s welfare, safety, or wellbeing
- Ongoing care, monitoring, or support of individuals or families
- Being an escalation point, lifeboat, or safety net
- Crisis-driven, emotionally charged, or family-facing work
- Roles that rely on my vigilance, availability, or nervous system regulation
- Work that expands in scope through need, urgency, or moral pressure
- On-call work, daily check-ins, or responsibility carried outside working hours
- Work where responsibility and reward are significantly imbalanced

4. Capacity limits (practical)

For the next 12 months:

- I will work within clearly defined hours and boundaries
- I require recovery time between pieces of work
- I will prioritise work that is largely remote, asynchronous, and non-urgent
- I will not exceed my physical or nervous system capacity to meet external demands
(Exact hours and days to be determined conservatively and reviewed periodically.)

5. Decision rule

For the next 12 months, I will only accept work that meets the conditions above.
If a role requires justification, rescue, urgency, emotional labour, or self-override, the answer is no.

This document reflects a conscious choice to prioritise sustainability over endurance.

Poem 133: The Summer Day

Who made the world?

Who made the swan, and the black bear?

Who made the grasshopper?

This grasshopper, I mean—

the one who has flung herself out of the grass,

the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,

who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down—

who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.

Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.

Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don't know exactly what a prayer is.

I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down

into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,

how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,

which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?

Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?

—Mary Oliver

Humdinger1

Wonderful @scrooge2008! You're making a huge contribution to the world.  Managing yourself and defining boundaries is essential.   Love Humdinger xx