Unmanageable debt - starting a DMP

Grumpelstiltskin

Yes you are correct don't pay them anything until the debts have defaulted, this could take many months, some default faster than others.

Debt_Overload

Perhaps you could tell your partner that you are entering a payment arrangement so that the interest stops, and to protect their credit score, you need to close the joint bank account. I know you don't want to but which is worse - gently telling them you're taking control of things, or staying connected and ruining their credit too? Rehearse what you plan to say many times so that you feel more comfortable with the words.
I am sending good thoughts your way because we don't owe the same amount but like you I had to get used to the idea of not even politely calling those creditors. Stay strong.