Shuffling My Feet

Debt_Overload

Hello, Internet. You can call me Detty. I am starting this diary in the hope it will let me one day look back and see my progress. That, and I have found other peoples' DFDs to be so helpful to me, so perhaps some parts of my journey might help someone else.

My debt journey starts in 2017. I am exceedingly frugal but on the flipside far too optimistic so I make dumb decisions with borrowing money. I bought a dump of a house. Then it needed structural repair. Then the car completely died... then I needed medical treatment not covered under NHS... it all came to a head at around Christmas when my brother was dying, and flying home cleaned me out financially and maxed all my available credit. By then, I was £33k in the red.

I had resisted getting debt help because I wrongly thought I would have to lose my home. There's now a Small Person involved so I did not want to uproot them from the only home they have ever known. So I kept struggling and somehow kept up with £1000+ of debt repayments every month while only bringing in £850, for a year. I know, it's insane, but my whole life became the pursuit of side hustles and I couldn't see any other option. I never missed a repayment and we never missed a meal! Finally when I was in an absolutely complete mess I began reading other people's experiences and I learned about Debt Management Plans. And here we are.

I made the decision in early February and put in my application with StepChange. It's due to begin 1st April but I quickly learned that I jumped the gun and should have let the debts default. So I stopped paying and so far the result has been... not much. The banks have only contacted me with either "breathing space" letters or statements. It turns out that SC has not been especially helpful with my enquiries either, I feel like I'm a naughty child ignoring a teacher's directions, so I am just waiting for the last creditor to agree to their proposed monthly payment and then I will cancel the DMP and DIY.

Thank you to anyone still reading and not asleep!
 - Detty

Debt_Overload

Hello, Internet. These are my balances.
Personal Loan: £13k
Overdraft: £500
Nine credit cards: just over £20k
Total owed: £33,700

Based on my budget, SC believed I had £150 left to repay debt. I went along with that. The reality soon dawned that I had underestimated my food budget and things like clothes for Small Person. It was when I tried to increase these amounts by £30 in total that I first clashed with SC and they began to say that a DMP was not possible anymore.

I disagreed because (1) most of my credit cards had been offered £5 and only the two biggest creditors were going to get a big chunk, and (2) I knew many people in here have £5 arrangements for bigger debts than my biggest one of £13k. But it was an impasse and they wouldn't budge. Fine, I said, leave it how it is. Then they wouldn't even agree my previously agreed budget.

So I have my arms folded like a petulant child and I am just not paying anyone, all Direct Debits have been moved to my new unrelated current account and I am just waiting for my next work payday to correctly land in the new account. Then I know all the ducks are in a row and I will wave bye bye to Stepchange and start waiting for defaults.

Talk soon
 - Detty

Take_a_hike_Elon_and_Jeff

Hi welcome to the forum wishing you all the best on your new journey!  google the following article in the papers:

‘My partner’s crazy spending ruined me’: the ugly truth about coerced debt.

Sorry it's so large but copied and pasted it, might be worth a read before contemplating the next move.

Debt_Overload

Hello Take_a_hike_Elon_and_Jeff thank you for stopping by and thank you for the info. I am really fortunate in that there isn't an ex in the picture and nobody else that Small Person needs to have a relationship with. Well, it goes both ways, since there also isn't anyone to share the parenting with. The debt is all mine. Because I don't do things by halves! A large chunk of why I'm stuck with it is that my place is still unmortgageable (no central heating, decrepit bathroom, makeshift kitchen). These things were from an old historic event and the reason my place was so cheap to buy "in cash". So somewhere up in cloud land is my hope to get the minimums done to make a mortgage possible.

But you know what they say, Rome wasn't built in a day, so it will take time.
 - Detty

Debt_Overload

The List™

A. Personal Loan (Neverwide) £13,100

B. Overdraft (NoWhere Bank) £500

C. Credit Card £5200

D. Credit Card £4200

E. Credit Card £3400

F. Credit Card £3000

G. Credit Card £1300

H. Credit Card £1200

J. Credit Card (Zorba) £550

K. Credit Card (BonkleyCard) Interest & fees frozen until paid out. £240

L. Credit Card £190

Priority Debts & Big Expenses

Maintenance charges arrears on property £800

Child care up-front expense in June £350

Car Hire Purchase £4400 (2.5 years to go @ 140/m)

HMRC £1500 @ £25/m

Coming: Further known maintenance work (building maintenance) £1800, hoping it isn't soon

I-Hope

Top up NI year for 2016, £634 saved!

Repair Kitchen and Bathroom to minimums £3000

I-wish: Other house repairs and basic upgrades £6000

Debt_Overload

Hello, Internet. Here is the latest news from creditors. One of the smallest, Bonkleycard, wrote to say it has accepted SC's proposal of £5 per month and all fees and charges are permanently stopped until I pay off my balance of around £240. Thank you Bonkleycard, in the past they've been doodoo heads, so I suppose it's only fair they started being slightly human to me.

Inny moneys coming soon: £35 from TopCashBack, £6 from survey sites, £50 from YouGov, and £10 came from my cousin for Small Person because she loves us.

Current Emergency Fund £950, of which about £650 is earmarked for HMRC for missing NI credits. Gotta build me some kind of pension! As for all the other bills... well one day I'll find the cash for everything (can you win lotto without a ticket?)! Incidentally I have realised that Revitup, which has convenient pots to do your saving in, like a pot for the car, a pot for a holiday etc, well it's not good because then it doesn't pay interest. So back into the main savings section for my moolah.

Speak soon, Internet, Love Detty

Debt_Overload

Hello, Internet. I have a few bits of news.

NoWhere bank's account number is incorrect in StepChange (oops). This is a pantomime. They accepted my Zorba Credit Card repayment account number by email but not my NoWhere current account number because you can't do these things over email. What? They posted instructions which do not work. They won't fix this in chat. Will they let me sort this out? Oh No They Won't! But whatever, I don't care because I'm leaving soon (flips hair and spins away dramatically).

Excitement: I managed to sign up to a £100 market research project. This is Very Exciting and also involves three free food items we eat in this house anyway (woo!). The money will be a nice addition to my emergency fund.

Inny stuffs: I took Small Person to a regular kids' stuff swap meet, run by a local church. We found shoes, toys, and a couple of other useful bits and pieces. Last week I gave them two bags of good quality clothes and toys and two small pieces of furniture. I heart this place.

Speak soon,

 - Detty

Debt_Overload

Hello Internet. SC told me they had fixed the incorrect account number and written again to NoWhere bank proposing £5 per month to repay the overdraft. Huzzah! Except that when I logged in to SC, the account number has not been fixed.

Knock me over with a feather: super-quick BonkleyCard will shortly default. I was prepared for how the letter would look so I am not alarmed, and actually I was pleased as punch. Their cover note was actually kind and pleasant, and when you understand what it means, it is not as intimidating. I am just remembering that it's all part of the process. 

This morning I ran out of sugar for my coffee ☕ so today, dear Internet, I have been drinking my coffee with icing sugar. Heaven knows when I would have used it again anyway. 

Inny money: £10 Sainsbury's voucher from THX app (third time I've been paid). Their surveys are short, never ever screen out, and I have it installed on an old phone sat in my living room. 👍

Take_a_hike_Elon_and_Jeff

Hello again :-) I realise not many have commented on your diary but I have followed you as I can relate to certain things and have had similar experiences in the past. Firstly well done on getting to this stage it's a bloody nightmare but each day it gets better and the ultimate result will be so worth the journey the important thing is we have acknowledged the situation and are addressing it.
I am not debt free but sherbet sherbet  slowly learning to take back control. I have to say for me education is key!!! I am making it my task to learn something new everyday and my best friend is the "UTube"  the subject of finance is not just about numbers but also psychology and I rewatch things to keep myself motivated. I try to watch more British orientated stuff vs majority American not saying it's wrong but I feel the British stuff is more relevant as we have a similar but equally a different system. 
I'm not here to tell you what to do because it is your life and your individual circumstances I might question the rationale behind a decision just to understand why and maybe suggest something but ultimately our decisions are our own to make but as much as I can share my own experiences, we all help each other here and no doubt I can learn from you as well. 
I don't profess to be the expert because I am not, but am happy to share some of the things that are helping me here.
What I can say is I too have had experience with being on a DMP with SC the difference is, it was in about 2008 and I was on it until 2014.
 Things may be different now with how they deal with things but reading other posters on DFD is the realisation some things are not. The main benefit for me was the alleviation of stress and whilst I might be shot down on here by other posters I wasn't 100% honest with them and there are areas where exaggeration with the budget is worth it. As I agree with other posters although they are a charity so at least they are not making a profit, but they support a lot of people and are relying on sponsorship to function so they are going to encourage one to have a tight budget so it means more money is paid back to their sponsors, thus they are able to function.

Once debts are defaulted most are sold on at a much reduced price and their new owners are out to make some money too, so personally I don't have much of a moral conscience towards them. I personally got out of my DMP by downsizing and was able to release some cash to make final offers to my creditors and I saved a ton of cash but the most important thing was I got all my creditors to agree that my offer was final and that they would never come back to me ever! I still have these letters scanned a decade later as proof haha.

The problem is after that life was great and I was debt free mostly but unfortunately my downsizing never educated me , this is why I am banging on about education because after time my old habits crept back as I was financially uneducated. I might be cynical but I really question why is this so lacking in our education system because I believe this is capitalism because the financial institutions want us to fail because it keeps them rich because most of Britain is in debt and living pay check to pay check.
I am now much older and 54 and guess what still in debt but I really had a wake up call and now decades later am I only learning I know I am changing but I am desperate to save because I don't want to be old and destitute all is not as bad as it seems as my house is mine (no mortgage) like yours an unfinished project but actually through creativity it actually is quite cool my friends like it because it's quite bohemian but like you I'd prefer the finished look.
I remind myself to be grateful and appreciate what I have and not what I don't have, it's quite liberating. I refuse to borrow to finish my house it can be achieved one of the biggest financial freedoms that we share is our homes are fully paid off it is the biggest burden for most people.

The advantage you have over me and my journey is not finished unless I trip and fall and end up under the wheels of a bus hopefully not, is you must be younger because you have a little one and so you have better prospects at getting to a really good financial position because in theory you have more time , if we live according to mortality rates, money won't buy happiness but it opens up a lot of choices.

Re the DMP the reason why I say exaggerate,  is if it's possible to stash some cash they don't need to know and this could used later to set up final offers to get out of debt quicker and move onto the next phase!
Be proud of yourself you are a fantastic mother and you are cracking on and sorting this.
Again the thing I am saying again, is education, this is working for me and it's re programming my mind. The old mindset is going, this is the new me.
There is a fantastic channel on the "Tube" called meaningfulmoney this guy is brilliant I am on his website and have signed up to his academy and his fundamental course is free and really helping me. Something he posted recently, amongst his 50 tips, he said not the exact words but we are better at controlling money because when it controls us, it is chaotic. There are plenty of idiots online but I filter out what I know what works for me and I know that they mostly, are there to make money I don't begrudge them for this but I realise too there are some genuine people who want to help and share their knowledge, to help us.

I apologise for such a long post but this helps me to focus but I see others who are going through similar but different journeys and I want to share what is working for me and if one little thing helps someone it makes me happy because we all share a goal and goals are good and very achievable! (please excuse my grammar, it can be atrocious at times but hopefully it makes sense)

Debt_Overload

Thank you so much for taking the time @Take_a_hike_Elon_and_Jeff I think we're even more alike than you suspect! I love watching YouTube and learning, I'm almost 50 (Small Person did not come to me in the conventional way!) and I am also not a huge fan of the "baby steps" gentleman because yes a lot is centred around the USA so sometimes I watch him but with a grain of salt.

I definitely agree with you about massaging the figures in my budget. There will definitely be a different version going forwards that's for sure. Starting with SC definitely took away loads of stress over the debt, but as I read more, I realised I was going to be penniless as it started, and that I would actually have a lot more time on my hands to collect my wits and EF if I went it alone. 

I'm with you on the morality of it all. I eventually realised why I'd been paying 20-40% interest. It was to give those companies 1% profit and all the rest went on their losses from people like me who'd run into financial trouble. Yes their whole business is set up to profit from people's debt and unhappiness. Since I got my head around that, the guilt is gone. I paid them plenty already for other people, I refuse to do it anymore, and so I no longer agree with our credit agreements so I'm not doing them anymore. They can have the money I owe and that's it. And they will have to be patient 😂

I'm going to look for meaningfulmoney once SP is asleep tonight. I have bookmarked your diary too and thank you again for the moral support xx
Detty

Debt_Overload

Hello, Internet. I have been procrastinating on my top up shop for days. There always seems to be loads of food in my kitchen but "nothing useful". But I'm getting tired of looking at all the "nothing useful" taking up so much space, so I've been trying to motivate myself to use it up. On checking my little freezer there were about ten meals in there! So during Small Person's nap I cooked some chicken. 🍗 We then went and did a proper shop because so many things were, strangely, run out. 😀

I still have £12 of my grocery money for the month and I will hopefully only need to do one top-up before pay day. Seems crazy when I only allocate £70 a month for food but then I have also used some vouchers. Left over grocery money goes into my emergency fund so it's a small win. 

My smallest card, CaptainWon, has closed my online account, logging into the web browser just gives me a message to call them and the app doesn't log in at all. I'm kicking myself as I didn't get all the details (I found the payment info online but anyway). 2/3 credit reports show this account as a late payment. I will admit it was bittersweet to see as I kept up with payments perfectly for so long. Trust the process, trust the process 🙏

The washer/dryer is making random beeping sounds and since the number of beeps keeps changing, the Internet isn't helpful on what is wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️ so I'm just going to check the filter again then cross fingers it doesn't stop working. At least it's warming up outside, and I'm going to add "new washer" to my savings goal list.

Speak soon, love Detty