My husband doesn't know all the truth...

FootyFanDan

Hey, welcome to the forum.
I didn't want to read and run, you have taken a huge step in acknowledging the issue and trying to face it. I am sure there will be plenty more experienced posters around to offer some solutions around money management element, but I think the main hurdle is tell your husband. A fair few on the forum have encountered the same scenario and feared the same as you and in the majority of cases the partners have been more impacted by the feeling that you felt you couldn't share with them, rather than the actual debt. I wish you the best of luck on your journey

Purplelady65

I’d try if at all possible writing down what the loan money has been spent on. You may need to look at old bank or credit card statements to build a picture of where the money has gone. Has it been spent on things for the family and the house or things for yourself and the baby or a combination? Then when you tell your husband you can roughly account for where the money has gone. I agree with other suggestions of coming up with your own solution of how to pay the loan off. That way you’re presenting your OH not just with a problem but with a solution as well. Is it possible he could look after the baby for a couple if evenings a week and you get a part time job to pay the loan off? 

DebtlessToBe

Purplelady65 said:

I’d try if at all possible writing down what the loan money has been spent on. You may need to look at old bank or credit card statements to build a picture of where the money has gone. Has it been spent on things for the family and the house or things for yourself and the baby or a combination? Then when you tell your husband you can roughly account for where the money has gone. I agree with other suggestions of coming up with your own solution of how to pay the loan off. That way you’re presenting your OH not just with a problem but with a solution as well. Is it possible he could look after the baby for a couple if evenings a week and you get a part time job to pay the loan off? 

Some of it has definitely gone towards things for both of us - the holidays were for both of us, some home improvements but some of it has definitely gone on some useless stuff that I probably ended up getting rid of.
With regards to the part time job - not at the moment. My baby is exclusively breastfed and the reason behind it is that she bluntly refuses a bottle or any other form of giving her the milk... I also think me taking a job would end my maternity leave? My maternity leave package with my current employer is really good so I was planning to take the full year without losing out on my income that much. 
To be honest I'm not really struggling to pay that loan off either. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather have that money in my monthly budget obviously, so the part time job may be something to consider once my mat leave ends. It's more that he doesn't know that really bugs me. 

Lonelygambler

The earliest you can tell your partner the better. 

I held off for too many years and I’m a gambling addict. Thankfully my wife hasn’t left me, and has helped with my recovery. 

Are you aiming to clear before your mortgage? The amount you have in a loan could affect what you can borrow. 

All the best LG

DebtlessToBe

Lonelygambler said:

The earliest you can tell your partner the better. 

I held off for too many years and I’m a gambling addict. Thankfully my wife hasn’t left me, and has helped with my recovery. 

Are you aiming to clear before your mortgage? The amount you have in a loan could affect what you can borrow. 

All the best LG

Congratulations and best of luck on your recover journey!
I don't think I'll realistically be able to clear that loan before we remortgage, but I spoke with a mortgage broker and they said that if it's only the loan that's left, it shouldn't be a problem given the mortgage we need, thankfully... 

Sarahwithlove

I think you need to tell him now so he has time to digest it before the remortgaging. If you are able to stay with current provider you wouldn't need them to check your finances but they may not offer the best option. 

If he is managing your day to day money leftover could you work out how much that is, what kind of budget you need to live on and remainder go towards overpaying the loan. 

You say some of it has gone on joint stuff, I think he needs to know about it and take some responsibility for overpayments on it. This will help you clear it better whilst you have more money available in your budget before you start paying child care.