To new beginnings

Clouds88

Hello everyone,

I am starting this diary because I need to hold myself accountable for my spending and keep myself on track. 

I have had a hell of an (almost) 10 year marriage with an addict who hasn’t worked for 6 years now and has MH issues. He almost got himself into a better place beginning of this year but sunk back to low places and I just can’t do it anymore.

financially we’ve been !!!!!! for years, living outside of our means, reduced income after husbands break down, both had a debt solution then 6 years ago and since then moving to our forever rented house and having to get new carpets, more beds ect. Surprise third baby (now 3) and me barely being able to work as struggling with kids/dog/husband and unreliable husband for childcare. Phew!

so anyway got in the web, stuck my head in the sand, husband took fuel at 5 garages on my car so got those new debts,!had a letter before claim for something else and home life is !!!!!! I feel overwhelmed, stressed, my memory is shot and I’m only 34. I decided enough is enough. I put in a DRO application last night based on mine and husband figures but I think he will now be moving out after today so if I have an interview or whatever with moneywellness I might need to resubmit my budget ect again. 

I think DRO is the right choice given I’m up !!!!!! creek in life, I need a fresh start and I’m never having a credit card ever again. I need to build emergency funds if I can, even small funds. I need to stick to my budget and I need to make sure the kids have everything they need. 

Well done if you finished all of that and have a happy new year.

[Edited by Forum Team]

Clouds88

And to top it off I need to spend £370 on the dogs meds next week, I get £270 back from insurance but lose the first £100 as policy starts afresh in January. My car is also going to the garage in January as it’s got an issue with the indicator not working and it needs to go to an auto electrician god knows how much that’s going to cost 😩

FlaatusGoat

Wow, you've really been through a lot. It's no small feat to navigate all those challenges while trying to keep everything together.

First and foremost, it's commendable that you're taking steps towards a fresh start by applying for a Debt Relief Order (DRO). The prospect of resubmitting your budget might seem daunting, but it’s a step towards regaining control and setting a foundation for a more stable future.

Managing finances under these circumstances can be incredibly stressful. Building an emergency fund, even if it starts small, is a wise move. Every little bit helps, and sticking to a budget will give you a clearer picture of where your money goes and how to manage it better.

You've shown immense resilience, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed. It's important to take care of yourself mentally and emotionally. Surround yourself with support, whether it's friends, family, or professional help. You don’t have to shoulder all of this alone.

As for the immediate costs—your dog's medication and car repairs—perhaps you could explore if there are any local charities, community groups, or financial assistance programs that might help? Even small contributions can make a difference.

I hope the new year brings you some relief and brighter days ahead. You're making tough decisions for the well-being of your kids and yourself, and that's incredibly courageous. Please remember that you're stronger than you may feel right now. Take it one step at a time, and try to find moments of rest and joy where you can.

Cherryfudge

I think getting the figures together so you know just where you stand is something a lot of people find really hard, so well done for managing that with all you've got going on.

It's obviously been a horrible time and the uncertainties about the medication and the car on top of that are a lot to deal with. Would one of the animal charities like the PDSA or the Dogs' Trust be able to help?

Sarahwithlove

Sorry to hear all that you have been through. I hope the DRO helps and you can find a budget that works for you. 

It sounds like hubby moving out will be for the best for you and hopefully you can cut all ties financially. 

Clouds88

Thank you everyone for your kind comments.

today is the first of many no spend days. There is a local park that has had an upgrade recently so we are going to go there today. I am also keeping myself busy decluttering the house and playing with the kids. Meals are random as we eat down the left over Christmas food

Fabulous50

Believe in yourself - you will get through this, - better times are ahead.

This is the first day, well done for facing up to the situation you are in. That is the hardest part. 

Visualise the life you want and deserve & go for it! 

Fab50 x

BrilliantButScary

Hi Clouds88,

I think you might find the following websites useful:

https://pre.rcm.org.uk/caring-for-you-hub-home/financial-support/eligible-for-help/#:~:text=Be in financial hardship,before completing our application form
Apparently they can help with DRO fees and other things.

https://adfam.org.uk/

I would agree with FlaatusGoat, that you need to take advantage of any support you can get, as you must have felt very isolated dealing with the problems you have had to deal with. It"s OK to ask for help.

Best Wishes

fatbelly

No DRO fee now. They're free.

Clouds88

I had to do some food shopping today after taking the dog out but struggle to think of good ideas as what the kids like varies, the only meal we all agree on is pasta meatballs/spag bowl or fajitas so we had spaghetti with meatballs 🤣

The youngest helped me with painting the hallway today. I had the paint waiting already and the brushes I just kept putting things I want to do off. But today after playing with the younger two and spending some time with the teen I thought I’m just going to go for it. So happy I did it as it’s another step making my house the way I want it. 

EssexHebridean

Great idea to spend some no-cost time on getting your home to a way that you feel happier with it looking, no point in paint etc sitting there doing nothing is there! 

On the food front, why not sit down with the kids and each take turns in suggesting a meal that is enjoyed and which can be prepared between you, from scratch, at home. If you want to add another layer of nuance to the challenge, then first go through your freezer, fridge and cupboards and make a list of all the stuff you have which needs using up - then the challenge becomes “meals which use as much if the things we already have as possible” - that is really where savings can be made! Here for example we still have plenty of Christmas picky-bit leftovers so tea for the next two evenings is going to be making use of those! 

Each week when meal planning make your first step checking the fridge and listing the things in there which need using before they go off or even past their best - make sure those get factored in as food wasted is money in the bin. You can then consult that master list of meals to come up with options for the week - and sure, not all days might be everyone’s favourite meals, but that’s the way compromises work in families isn’t it!