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Debt advice please

Clouds88
Posts: 409 Forumite

Embarrassed of my situation and expecting hate but I’m not done this on purpose and have good intentions to be better but life has happened…
former bankruptcy in 2018 came off this year.
However in the last 6 years I’ve fallen back into the trap of having credit and embarrassed to say my debt total again is around £14,000
this is made up from mainly credit cards, PayPal and some energy debts.
former bankruptcy in 2018 came off this year.
However in the last 6 years I’ve fallen back into the trap of having credit and embarrassed to say my debt total again is around £14,000
this is made up from mainly credit cards, PayPal and some energy debts.
I have had a hard life supporting my husband through his mental health breakdown in 2018 he’s been up and down since and currently having addiction issues and I can’t rely on him for anything currently, we are still living together.
My joint income is too high for a DRO, and on paper for example we have the ESA counted jointly but he doesn’t send me all of it for the family money he wastes £150 of that a month on his own needs.
I am wondering what path I go down In terms of setting up payment plans, £1 tokens, I’ve been ignoring most as fairly stressed right now and had one ‘letter before claim’ come through for a debt with Lowell from Overdales so set up a repayment plan of £10 a month to avoid that going to court. (That is my understanding anyway).
My working situation is pants at the moment, I’m trying to cling onto my career by working 1/2 short shifts a month the youngest is 3, I am hoping by the time he goes to school in 2 years I can go back to nights and someone can look after them and the dog, hopefully
my husband if he’s in an okay place by then so income I am hoping will increase so it’s just a few years away. On paper I have a surplus of £200 but with Christmas and my car going wrong this summer I just haven’t had any spare money.
My working situation is pants at the moment, I’m trying to cling onto my career by working 1/2 short shifts a month the youngest is 3, I am hoping by the time he goes to school in 2 years I can go back to nights and someone can look after them and the dog, hopefully
my husband if he’s in an okay place by then so income I am hoping will increase so it’s just a few years away. On paper I have a surplus of £200 but with Christmas and my car going wrong this summer I just haven’t had any spare money.
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Comments
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Clouds88 said:Embarrassed of my situation and expecting hate but I’m not done this on purpose and have good intentions to be better but life has happened…
One result of the recent cost of living crisis, is that an awful lot of people are in the same or similar situation as you are, and creditors have had to change how they deal with bad debts, guidance has changed, there is a much more tolerant attitude from most lenders.
One thing I would urge you to do is this, if you continue getting letters before action, write to the lenders and tell them about your situation, had you done this with Lowell, they would have likely put your account on hold, and looked again at it with a view to writing off the debt.
Don`t be afraid to tell them about your circumstances, if you can`t pay because you have no money, tell them so, it will remove a lot of the worry about further action, if you don`t tell them, obviously they won`t know why you are not paying, and normal collection activity will continue.
Telling them about your money worries will get your debts put on hold, and if this is going to be a long term thing, they may consider writing the debts off, if you don`t ask, you don`t get.
This should form part of your short term strategy for now.I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Debt free wannabe, Credit file and ratings, and Bankruptcy and living with it boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.For free non-judgemental debt advice, contact either Stepchange, National Debtline, or CitizensAdviceBureaux.Link to SOA Calculator- https://www.stoozing.com/soa.php The "provit letter" is here-https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2607247/letter-when-you-know-nothing-about-about-the-debt-aka-prove-it-letter3 -
Thank you sourcrates.The other thing on my mind is if I can’t take any more of my husbands issues and he moves out then I’ll be within the threshold for a DRO.
Part of my income is a high payment for my eldest daughter from her dad, and she’s almost 15 now so that will stop in a few years or could stop at any point if he loses his job/moves abroad ect. So my income isn’t really stable and secure and relies heavily on benefits currently 😞
I don’t know what will happen in the future but I’ll follow your advice and start talking to all of my creditors .1 -
It sounds a really difficult situation @Clouds88, and all the harder as it's been going on a long time. I assume there aren't viable childcare options to allow you back to do more shifts, but there might be smaller income generators like doing surveys to help in the longer term.
It might help to put up an SOA, which can change as your circumstances change, but from your posts I think the situation with your husband is the key here: he's using income you need for the household and not really contributing. Are you getting any support (maybe a group for families of addicts?), and is he? Does he acknowledge his situation? You sound as though you're coming to the end of coping with this.
Please look after yourself and feel free to come back and talk through things or offload on here. That's what these boards are for. And remember things will move on: it won't always be like this.
Sorry I can't offer practical advice as @sourcrates does, but I'm sure there will be plenty of ideas to come as more people read your posts.I think a bit of sunshine is good for frugal living. (Cranky40)
The sun's been out and I think I’m solar powered (Onebrokelady)
Fashion on the Ration challenge, 2025: Fabric 2, men's socks 3, Duvet set 7.5= 12.5/68
2024: Trainers 5, dress 7, slippers 5, 2 prs socks (gift) 2, 3 prs white socks 3, tee shirts x 2 10, 6 prs socks: mostly gifts 6, duvet set 7.5 = 45.5/68 coupons
20.5 coupons used in 2020. 62.5 used in 2021. 94.5 remaining as of 21/3/222 -
Agreed that with unstable income, a precarious relationship, and a job that operates 24/7/52, you need to hold your horses at present.
And that you need to talk to someone, or more about your domestic situation. Realistically is your husband going to offer reliable overnight childcare which enables you to work night shifts etc? For the next decade?Either talk to one of the Anon groups for families or seek support through work? Does he have a key worker, or do you raise concerns via your personal GP.
If you can get debt written off by creditors, great, if not make small payments and wait. If you do a DRO for example, you have to wait 6 years before you can apply again. That might be of more use in a few years time?If you've have not made a mistake, you've made nothing2 -
I don't understand what threshold you think there is for a DRO.
Certainly not for income as far as I've ever seen, that just needs to be relatively stable. Definitely one for debts - but that's £50,000 and you say you have £14,000. No pile of savings anywhere? No expensive car?
I think you need to talk to one of the reliable debt agencies - StepChange, NationalDebtline, Community Money Advice, Christians Against Poverty or the ever reliable Citizen's Advice.I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Debt Free Wannabe and Old Style Money Saving boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.
"Never retract, never explain, never apologise; get things done and let them howl.” Nellie McClung1 -
Its disposable income that counts for a DRO.
No matter what you have coming in, its what you have left after all the expenditure that counts, so if husband spends £150 on himself, that is expenditure.
You take everything you have coming in, and deduct everything that you or he, spend money on, with the exception of any debt repayments, what`s left is your disposable income.
For DRO purposes it must be £75 or less to qualify, obviously you must meet the other criteria as well.I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Debt free wannabe, Credit file and ratings, and Bankruptcy and living with it boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.For free non-judgemental debt advice, contact either Stepchange, National Debtline, or CitizensAdviceBureaux.Link to SOA Calculator- https://www.stoozing.com/soa.php The "provit letter" is here-https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2607247/letter-when-you-know-nothing-about-about-the-debt-aka-prove-it-letter1 -
Sorry I mean I’ve put all my details into step change and they said I had surplus of £200 because I didn’t put that my husband has £150 of the ESA for himself for his extra bits he spends on which should fall under the other categories I guess, he wastes money on gambling/drugs/alcohol but feels he should be allowed this money as it’s ’his’ benefit.So I thought the insolvency team wouldn’t allow this or say he shouldn’t be keeping any money it should all be under different categories if I want to go DRO? Otherwise I qualify my car is only worth £35000
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As for the husband, this is its issue in itself, he used to care for the older 2 when I did split nights so alll he did was overnight care and was manageable, after the accidental third child who is a pain at night and a total mums boy (he also struggled to settle into nursery, even the nursery advised shorter sessions) then took him out. At night he won’t tolerate my husband so it’s not even viable currently with my husband the way he is. I am looking round a new nursery next week as he’s now 3 and hoping we might improve there.I am intending to get back into my al-anon group but it’s just finding the time currently. I haven’t talked to the GP or anyone about my husband as worried about implications for his ESA/PIP as he’s turned to drugs and drink to cope with his low self. It’s been rocky for years and he used to isjt keep his PIP and give me the full ESA but he moved out in April into temporary accommodation for a month and since then didn’t want to give me the full ESA but also wastes it so leaves me resentful. I let him back as I feel sorry for him plus it’s stressful doing the dog walks 2 x a day, all the children’s stuff.
but the addiction side is getting worse, he’s trying to stop but has been going to coke every 2 weeks still for 7 months and I’ve taken him off of the car insurance and not allowed my car anymore as he would buy alcohol and drink 1/2 cans whilst driving home so I didn’t know and got petrol debts out in my name where I sent him the money to get petrol and he would just lie and keep the money for whatever and then I got the debt a month later. That happened in August this year for a month. It really is so !!!!!! and I just don’t know what to do, when he’s having a good day he can be so helpful and normal but then tje rest of it is bad.0 -
@sourcrates do you know if I would be allowed an allowance of £20 a week for private therapy in my DRO expenses? I could really do with some counselling following a split up with my husband and have found one that is low priced0
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Clouds88 said:@sourcrates do you know if I would be allowed an allowance of £20 a week for private therapy in my DRO expenses? I could really do with some counselling following a split up with my husband and have found one that is low pricedI’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Debt free wannabe, Credit file and ratings, and Bankruptcy and living with it boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.For free non-judgemental debt advice, contact either Stepchange, National Debtline, or CitizensAdviceBureaux.Link to SOA Calculator- https://www.stoozing.com/soa.php The "provit letter" is here-https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2607247/letter-when-you-know-nothing-about-about-the-debt-aka-prove-it-letter2
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