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The emotional toll of a DMP?
Sillyman34
Posts: 1 Newbie
Hi There,
I never ever thought I would be in the position where I am right now.
i am now a few months into my DMP everything is playing out as expected, savings/defaults/debts being passed on etc.
the process I get and I am on the road to recovery but it’s a long road.
I never ever thought I would be in the position where I am right now.
i am now a few months into my DMP everything is playing out as expected, savings/defaults/debts being passed on etc.
the process I get and I am on the road to recovery but it’s a long road.
I have an amazing wife who is standing by me to put things right but it’s not the process and the whole science of a DMP that gets to me it’s the emotional hit it has had on me.
I used to be self assured, confident and never ever suffered with any kind of anxiety but all of this has changed.
Every time someone mentions money I literally can feel my insides turning and the fear builds up
i am simply asking is this normal to feel like this and does anyone have recommendations on how they have coped.
Every time someone mentions money I literally can feel my insides turning and the fear builds up
i am simply asking is this normal to feel like this and does anyone have recommendations on how they have coped.
1
Comments
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Please start a diary on the Debtfree Diaries subforum. Some folks there have been through your situation, then some and come out the other end. Some are in the same situation, others some steps ahead.
The person who has not made a mistake, has made nothing1 -
RAS said:Please start a diary on the Debtfree Diaries subforum. Some folks there have been through your situation, then some and come out the other end. Some are in the same situation, others some steps ahead.
I would also suggest speaking to your GP. They may be able to sort out more professional help.My Debt free diary
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6492297/10-000-steps-1-step-at-a-time1 -
Hi Sillyman,
I hear you.
I am at the very start of my DMP journey - only just stopped paying my credit card and loan repayments. My level of debt is staggering - over £100k. This figure still makes me feel physically ill when I think about it, but with the huge help of this forum I am starting to see a way out of the mess I've made for myself.
Feeling emotional is completely normal. We are brought up to pay what we owe and when we stop doing that it feels unnatural and alien. I promise you that a DMP is not the worst thing that will happen to you, please remember to see if as a fresh start. You've realised that the situation you were in wasn't sustainable and you have made proactive steps to address it and you should be incredibly proud of this.
Focus on the small wins, as soon as those defaults come in, the sooner you can see the end of the process. Keep checking in on your emergency fund, seriously I keep logging in to my I&E spreadsheet and I'm still amazed that I have managed to save anything at all when nearly all of my income was going on facilitating my debts only a few months ago.
Agree with the PP's - a diary would be an excellent place to journal your feelings and thoughts throughout the process. There are so many friendly and helpful folk on this forum.0 -
You have made a great start by dealing with your debt situation. Certainly it can affect you emotionally in many ways, the guilt, anxiety, regret, many of us on this forum have been there. The goal is to get through it and come out the other side, better versions of ourselves, with better money skills, and even savings and retirement plans! In the beginning that seems so far away, but stick at it, and it will come.
I enjoy reading the Debt Free Diaries, they keep me motivated and inspired to plug away at mine. Joining in some of the challenges is a good way to keep your mind focused on your debt in the positive way, rather than succumbing to the negative side of it.
When I'm feeling anxious, I make a payment. Sometimes a fiver, other times just a pound or two if that's all I can afford. Saved 50p on something in the shop? Pay it towards the debt or emergency fund! It seems a small step, but you're still moving forward. Paying frequently means I'm also looking at my CC balances often, which for me helps reduce anxiety - the more you ignore them the more the anxiety gets it's claws in when you think about it. A diary or journal of some kind, either on here or in a notebook, is also good for documenting your journey - I'll pray that one day you'll see it not as a burden or a shame, but an achievement.
If you have a loving, caring wife, you are a wealthy man indeed. There are many financially wealthy men in the world who do not have the riches you do.
Debt Pay-off
- Virgin £624
- Barclaycard £1804
Total £2428 / £3386
20%2 -
I wanted to share something that happened to me that may help the OP(not debt related, but it generated a very similar response that the OP seems to be going through right now).
The short version of the story is about ten years ago, I had a false professional accusation made against me that would have potentially been career ending. I was living overseas, my work/dependants visa for myself and my family were dependent on the job i had, regulators were involved and the whole thing ended up dragging on for about 18 months. In the end , everything went in my favour. But the whole thing almost destroyed me and I ended up with a dependency on alcohol and xanax on pretty much a daily basis. The feelings i had were almost identical to what the OP describes. I ended up in therapy (which I would highly recommend to anyone).
There was one very simple thing the therapist told me that changed everything; she asked me where I wanted to get back to and I said I just wanted to be back to my happy, confident self. She then went onto explain that i wasn't taken down in one fell swoop; it was done over a period of time and to get back to where I wanted to be i need to rebuild myself 'brick by brick'. Most people expect the change to happen in an instant, but it doesnt work this way. You need to take back control of your life one step at a time. even little things like making my bed in the morning or going to the gym made small steps into rebuilding my confidence.
In the OP's case, you have already started a DMP which is a fantastic first step. You also have the support of your wife which will no doubt help no end.
Other things you can do; block all DCA numbers on your phone, shred/burn any letters that come through that are not a letter before action, set up a spreadsheet of all your debts showing them slowly being reduced each month etc etc. Anytime you feel out of control, ask yourself how you can take back control. Even the smallest thing will help.
Lastly, I think you also need to forgive yourself. Debts and the subseqent fall-out happens to the best of us .... its nothing to be ashamed of. Most importantly remember that you are in control of this at all times.
Wishing you all the very best.
7
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