Want to quit my NHS job after Bereavement

rosa246are

ShinyStarlight1 said:

A good piece of advice I received following the shock-filled deaths of my parents was to make no big decisions for a year.

This gave me time for my nervous system to settle amid familiar surroundings and situations.

I think your employer may well move you to a more sedate, less pressurised post rather than lose you, but they need to know this is what you currently need. 

Hi 
yes I think I was being a bit drastic and making big decisions like this may not be wise. It’s sort of stemmed from just not being able to cope with every day things now and thinking about how to adjust when I do go back - thinking about interactions and facing people again.  Just need the courage and strength… I was bubbly fun person before so going back it’s like a whole personality change  …hence the reason why  want to quit and find any other place where no one has expectations from me…

I may just ask for remote work for now rather than quitting and see if my employer will help with this for now. 

thanks everyone for your comments and advice

regards  

Sarahspangles

rosa246are said:

ShinyStarlight1 said:

A good piece of advice I received following the shock-filled deaths of my parents was to make no big decisions for a year.

This gave me time for my nervous system to settle amid familiar surroundings and situations.

I think your employer may well move you to a more sedate, less pressurised post rather than lose you, but they need to know this is what you currently need. 

Hi 
yes I think I was being a bit drastic and making big decisions like this may not be wise. It’s sort of stemmed from just not being able to cope with every day things now and thinking about how to adjust when I do go back - thinking about interactions and facing people again.  Just need the courage and strength… I was bubbly fun person before so going back it’s like a whole personality change  …hence the reason why  want to quit and find any other place where no one has expectations from me…

I may just ask for remote work for now rather than quitting and see if my employer will help with this for now. 

thanks everyone for your comments and advice

regards  

I lost my dad last year. I agree it’s a good idea to let things settle before making significant decisions. But a life event may change your perspective. I decided to start my transition to retirement a bit sooner, though I didn’t commit to this until I’d ’slept on it’ for six months. Bereavement was a prompt to look at my own priorities.

You shouldn’t need to be fake at work. What’s likely to happen when you return is that colleagues will be understanding if you’re not as upbeat as usual. I agree it’s difficult when you’re also dealing with patients who are themselves upset or stressed and maybe OH will be able to find a way to remove or reduce those interactions. I wouldn’t be surprised if they referred you for counselling. I’ve been all over the place - feeling guilty if I’m happy for a while, and at other times feeling like I ‘ought’ to bounce back more quickly. It’s actually been comments from colleagues that have helped me to understand those are normal reactions.

Mands

rosa246are said:

ShinyStarlight1 said:

A good piece of advice I received following the shock-filled deaths of my parents was to make no big decisions for a year.

This gave me time for my nervous system to settle amid familiar surroundings and situations.

I think your employer may well move you to a more sedate, less pressurised post rather than lose you, but they need to know this is what you currently need. 

Hi 
yes I think I was being a bit drastic and making big decisions like this may not be wise. It’s sort of stemmed from just not being able to cope with every day things now and thinking about how to adjust when I do go back - thinking about interactions and facing people again.  Just need the courage and strength… I was bubbly fun person before so going back it’s like a whole personality change  …hence the reason why  want to quit and find any other place where no one has expectations from me…

I may just ask for remote work for now rather than quitting and see if my employer will help with this for now. 

thanks everyone for your comments and advice

regards  

I would echo the comments of others in this thread: no big decisions in the first year. But also SarahSpangle's observation that sometimes, at times of great stress, we find other opportunities more appealing and they can be helpful in taking a fresh view of what we *do* want, rather than what we *don't*. 

When my husband was dying friends who had lost partners, as well as parents, warned of the 'no big decision' thing. As it turned out the arrival of covid and other personal issues put paid to any chance of making any major changes. 

So if you are thinking of quitting because it's too tough now please give yourself some grace for coping with an incredibly tough time and lean in to all the resources available to you. I'm thinking your Dr, some bereavement counselling, working with HR/OccHealth to make work more manageable. But if you are thinking of quitting because you can see someone new and exciting on the horizon then take time to explore that. 

All the very best with everything.
Mands

lincroft1710

About 4 weeks after my father died (mother had predeceased him), unconnectedly I was offered early retirement. There was no time to dwell (typical Civil Service!) so decided that as I could make the finances work I would accept the offer.


Sometimes you just don't get the luxury of time to consider major decisions. 

rosa246are

Mands said:

rosa246are said:

ShinyStarlight1 said:

A good piece of advice I received following the shock-filled deaths of my parents was to make no big decisions for a year.

This gave me time for my nervous system to settle amid familiar surroundings and situations.

I think your employer may well move you to a more sedate, less pressurised post rather than lose you, but they need to know this is what you currently need. 

Hi 
yes I think I was being a bit drastic and making big decisions like this may not be wise. It’s sort of stemmed from just not being able to cope with every day things now and thinking about how to adjust when I do go back - thinking about interactions and facing people again.  Just need the courage and strength… I was bubbly fun person before so going back it’s like a whole personality change  …hence the reason why  want to quit and find any other place where no one has expectations from me…

I may just ask for remote work for now rather than quitting and see if my employer will help with this for now. 

thanks everyone for your comments and advice

regards  

I would echo the comments of others in this thread: no big decisions in the first year. But also SarahSpangle's observation that sometimes, at times of great stress, we find other opportunities more appealing and they can be helpful in taking a fresh view of what we *do* want, rather than what we *don't*. 

When my husband was dying friends who had lost partners, as well as parents, warned of the 'no big decision' thing. As it turned out the arrival of covid and other personal issues put paid to any chance of making any major changes. 

So if you are thinking of quitting because it's too tough now please give yourself some grace for coping with an incredibly tough time and lean in to all the resources available to you. I'm thinking your Dr, some bereavement counselling, working with HR/OccHealth to make work more manageable. But if you are thinking of quitting because you can see someone new and exciting on the horizon then take time to explore that. 

All the very best with everything.
Mands

Thank you I think this is what I will do. Give some time before quitting 

thanks