Becoming A Budgeter Extraordinaire Again...

liltdiddylilt

Well Diary,

It's been a while since I was last here, and even longer since I was successful at being accountable to my diary & posting regularly. I plan on doing a lot better this time around, as I really need to be accountable, pull myself up by the bootstraps, and stop the chain of events that has ended with me living in my overdraft for 90% of the month, despite a healthy income.

So firstly; who am I? Well, I'm a 38 year old, single-ish mum of 2 children. Jellytot, the light of my life, who taught me what love is, is no longer a 'tot' at all. She's 12!!! We also have Archangel as I shall call him; my darling youngest child who began full-time nursery today He's 3.5 years old. I split from Jellytot's dad originally when she was 16 months, getting back together 6 months later & stumbling along for a further 4.5 years! If I had my time again, I'd have stayed single, but hindsight is 20/20 & I thought it was right for Jelly at the time. Archangel's dad is an abusive, coercively-controlling narcissist. It led to me leaving when it affected the children, when Archangel was 6 months old & living 'homeless', in 1-room temporary accommodation for a full YEAR. This was where my debt originally stemmed from. We didn't have cooking facilities for 4 months, & it was an impossible situation, cue a lot of eating out, buying ready-made salads to be 'healthy', trying to scrape together healthy packed lunches for Jellytot, & weaning Archangel with Ella's Kitchen pouches, while navigating a mass of allergies! We then moved to another place, where we thankfully finally had our own shower room, & a TINY kitchenette that would have fit into a wardrobe. It was still near impossible to cook. The hob was a tiny 2 ring electric hob, which doubled as a draining board (with a tea towel under the pots) & a chopping board for the food. We had a kettle, toaster, microwave, oven & fridge. Cooking a proper dinner required using my bed to put the various different parts at different times. There was nowhere else! Once Archangel began pulling himself up, this was also dangerous & couldn't be done. So I spent a very expensive year not cooking from scratch as I usually would. I also couldn't work as a Teaching Assistant, between new baby, homelessness, disabilities, so my income is from Universal Credit, PIP, Child Benefit as it stands.

I also had a protracted court battle for 2.5 years, which was helpfully funded by legal aid, due to the abuse. That ended December 2023, with me getting what I wanted for Archangel finally, but took a lot of sacrifice and such a massive fight. What was wonderful, was that due to leaving, I became proud of myself for the first time in my entire life, & I also learned how to stand up, not just for my children, but for myself too. That was invaluable in a court experience where my ex tried very hard to drag me through the mud in every possible way & destroy me. He failed.

We received a proper home from the council in October 2022, & were SO UNBELIEVABLY LUCKY in that, truly. But being a council property, it came with zero carpets, in need of decoration, white goods etc. Thankfully my wonderful Uncle pitched in, along with my parents, to help me with the extortionate cost of carpets throughout. White goods were purchased via my AO account & are paid off. I had an entire house's worth of furniture in storage, collected over 13 years. So that part at least, did not require much funding. But I'd had to buy an awful lot again over the year, things that were hurriedly shoved into storage after being *packed* by my ex. I was able to donate a lot to a friend who went into temporary housing in a similar situation not long after I moved, but it was dead money, like a lot of that year. 

So, with some debt at 0%, I moved on with life, only to find a lump in March 2023. This culminated in finding that at 37 I had breast cancer, a 10cm tumour & needed a mastectomy. Again, I was incredibly lucky. It had not spread to the glands. I rejected chemo, though needed it post-surgery after an allergic reaction to the anaesthesia sent my immune system haywire, resulting in near multiple organ failure. 2 doses shut my immune system up, & I had radiotherapy in October, followed by 2 drugs that I will need to take for 10 years to suppress my oestrogen production. This experience, I attacked with the same positive mindset I've had for my entire life. It didn't affect me mentally, but it did affect Jellytot. The last 2 years have been pretty hellish with her, but thanks to hard-fought for therapy/counselling, social workers (early help mainly) - she's coming out of the other side. She's got anxiety medication which has stopped her violent outbursts at me finally. More than anything else, this affected my own mental health. I'm diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder, which I've been medicated for since 2021, but the meds weren't strong enough to deal with the onslaught of the last 18 months. I also struggled/am struggling with depression, so it's been a tough time for me, trying to keep every ball in the air, remain positive & try to be a good & present parent for my kiddos. 

This leads us to where we are now; I'm coming out of the other side finally. I got my all-clear recently for my first annual checks. Things are on the up for Jellytot, though there are some bumps on the horizon that require a trip back to court with her dad. Archangel is thriving, & so clever! Both children are on a 50/50 arrangement, but not the SAME one, so I have a rather odd schedule currently. I foresee a court struggle over the next 12 months, as Jellytot's dad is actively harming her, refusing everything medical, not doing the right thing for her, in order to make my life more difficult. School & all professional agencies are backing me, however.

So, in a nutshell, that's my chaotic life!

In terms of finances....
£1,300 approx into my overdraft by the end of each month.
£220 on AO Finance,
£222 on a HSBC credit card which is paid off monthly (this is mostly school uniform etc. currently!)
£555 on my MBNA Card which is 0%. 

Total debt: £2,297 or thereabouts.

I do have savings of around £1,200. This would almost clear my OD, but I'm loathe to do it before I have YNAB set up effectively & I know where I am with budgets. I cleared £1,000 off my OD briefly by doing a 0% money transfer from MBNA, but I wasn't in the right headspace & it didn't actually reduce my OD at all in the end. 

I'm not going to post an I&E, as I know what I'm doing & where I'm going wrong. I'm being doubly accountable, with this diary atop YNAB. 

My plan is to reduce the OD firstly, as this is the most expensive due to interest. I'd like to also stop using the HSBC card to shore myself up at the end of the month. 

I also need to apply for DLA for Jellytot, as she's autistic, & lacks a diagnosis for inattentive ADHD due to her dad refusing to allow it. This is why school want me to take him to court, to remove him from health & education decisions, as he vetoes anything & everything, even refusing to let her use prescription ibuprofen gel for extreme joint pain. 

I've been resisting getting smart meters, which means I've not been able to exchange my key meter for a credit meter on the electric. This is super costly, & despite the engineers warnings about smart meters, I think it's time I got myself onto credit for electricity. Remembering to top up, & doing so in a timely fashion, is difficult for me, with multiple health issues & disabilities. 

There's so much to think about, but now that Archangel is at nursery full time, & I go for 5 days with no children here at all, I have mental breathing space to be able to attack this, on top of clearing the garden, dealing with housework, & decorating etc. 

It's time for me to get my MSE hat back on. Bring it on!!!!

Love, Lilt

in_need_of_direction

hello and welcome back.  looking forward to hearing about your new adventures.

Sarahwithlove

Wow you've had one hell of a ride. Dms are always open should you need someone to talk with. 

It sounds like you have a good plan in place. Although it's not ideal do you have any other money transfer offers? Getting out of the overdraft and not having that hanging over you will help massively. 

SpendySpender123

Welcome - I have just started a diary, and have just read your story - sending love to you and family. Will look forward to reading your diary and cheering you on!