Starting Over...

Sarahwithlove

It's a good idea to create yourself a budget to live to and avoid making overpayments too early in month. But I would move that money to another account so you aren't tempted to dip into it for anything other than Emergency or unexpected expense. 

There's lots of free stuff you can do, maybe make yourself a list so if you find yourself wanting to do something or go somewhere after work you can choose a free option. 

SpendySpender123

Hello! Just checking in - thanks for all your kind words and support. 

So, tomorrow would have been the day where I would usually have needed to start using my credit card again (i.e. from the 11th of the money I would usually need to have dipped back in to spend my overpayment, and then some). I still have £200 left until payday on 27th, which does feel a little bit strange. 

Positives from the last two weeks - when I started this diary:
*Two no-spend days

*The fact that I have enough to live off until payday for the first time in months. If I'd carried on spending the way I had been in recent months in particular, I'd have gone over £20k debt with cards and overdraft by December, as I was consistently overspending by around £300-£400. I am currently on target to reduce my overdraft by £100 by the end of this month, as well as no extra expenditure on my cards. I do want to balance transfer most of my NatWest to MBNA 2 now that I have another 0% offer, which means the balance transfer fee will keep my overall total stagnant for another month, but I know long-term it's for the best.

*Cancelled two trips to visit friends

*My boss wants to put me forward for promotion (I feel that this is more neutral than positive considering all the recent stress and crying, HA), but if approved I'll get a £4k increase in salary. Considering the very likely prospect of needing to move rental house in the next few months, this would be very welcome.

*Really thinking about my spending habits and behaviours. I knew that I was an emotional spender but I didn't realise how much my mental health impacted my spending. Even today, I had a hard day at work and almost booked onto a £10 exercise class after work, but closed down the app at the last minute. I can exercise for free!

Negatives from the last two weeks:
*I am still not quite *there* with the budgeting mindset. I am trying to be kind to myself because I really am shocked about how much I've improved in just two weeks, but you may have noticed that I still spent £118 in five days (£32 of the £150 was my last credit card payment, which goes out a few days later). This included yet another birthday present and another ticket to visit a friend later in the year (in advance, to save money) and the rest was just normal, boring life: bus, food, shampoo and so on. £35 did go on unexpected taxis to and from the walk-in centre plus a prescription for antibiotics (nothing serious). I have bought coffee to have at home! I really feel like a Café Nero addict...when I walk past I have to actually say to myself "NO".

I have plenty more that I can shave off my spending during the next few months to settle into a better budget, and I think I need to stop thinking that it is my mission to spend all the money I have available. Just because I have £200 doesn't mean that I need to spend it, and long-term every pound unspent will be a pound towards my debt. @Sarahwithlove - you are very right in that I need to put this money aside in another account going forward.

*I am struggling quite a lot with processing my potential, very uncertain housing change. This won't happen for a few months (if it does at all), but it is looking more and more likely. I am not planning to move now whilst I wait for this outcome, as my expenses will just increase. However, it's a bit depressing to think that if I didn't have debt, I wouldn't need to move into another house share and I could live alone. But I am going to keep positive! This potential change has been the catalyst to actually get my act together, so I am grateful for that.

*Taking cash out to use for the week hasn't been that successful.

So aims for the next two weeks:
*Only get a coffee out on a Friday.
*Keep making lunch and taking it into work
*Leave cards at home - just bring cash (including the right change for the bus, as bus drivers won't accept notes!).
*Keep positive and remember why I am doing this.

Longer-term aims:
*Balance transfer as much of Natwest as possible to MBNA, and try and add rest of Natwest to Tesco - I don't trust myself to leave a small amount on the card to clear; I'd rather have four larger balances and only one interest-bearing card.
*Open a separate bank account.
*£2000 savings by Xmas to keep for inevitable housing deposit.

Happy Tuesday, all!

Sarahwithlove

Just think by sorting the debt now and not letting it get worse in the future you will have the funds to live by yourself. 

dawnybabes

Can you look at a sim only deal for your phone that has perks ? I’m on 3 and I get a cafe Nero each week for £1 so you could get your fix cheaply 

SpendySpender123

Hello, everyone! Hope everyone is well!

Just a quick update at the start of the month.

The start of last month started out strong and I felt really positive, but the last week or so was a huge challenge. It's hard to really break it down here - I have so many thoughts, good and bad, so I'll try and split it into positives and negatives:

Positives

• I balance transferred £3,100 of my NatWest balance to MBNA 2. This has again slightly increased my overall debt total with the balance transfer fee, but I did expect that - and one of my priorities is to try and switch to 0% as much as possible. This means that my overall monthly interest payments have dropped overall from £350 (!!) to £150. Ideally, I'd like to clear the rest of the NatWest balance first now and try and switch MBNA1 over to it
• I had several no-spend days, and when I ran out of something at home, I just often made do with what I had in the cupboard instead of popping to the shop. I have also been more conscious of looking for vouchers/deals/reduced items at the supermarket.
• I have actually decided to give up coffee for now! A bit extreme, you might say - and there were some great suggestions on how to get it for cheaper, thank you! - but I am absolutely struggling with breaking this habit, and I am still spending way too much in coffee shops. It's also affecting my anxiety levels at the moment. I am about a week into this, and am still struggling with withdrawal - it won't be forever, but I thought it'd be a good way of breaking the habit.
• I am due a small pay rise this month, and I have been put forward for a promotion - if I get this, my salary will increase by about £4,000. This isn't guaranteed - and the promotion will come with a fair amount of stress - but the money would make a huge difference if I do get it.

Negatives

• I found the last part of the month particularly difficult. I started out strong, and my budget lasted until about a week before the end of the month - when I ran out of money. In recent months, I've been running out of money mid-month and consistently overspending by around £300-£400 .This month, I ran out of money the week before payday and did end up spending on credit by about £150. I almost wanted to stop writing this diary rather than admit this, but I am here to keep myself accountable. A lot of the spending during this last week was emotional - I was feeling very stressed and overwhelmed and just suddenly reacting out of nowhere (buying takeaways, a taxi home from work because of tiredness, etc.). I am trying not to beat myself up too much about this: I've been using credit since I was 18, this has been an ongoing problem in my life my...whole life, and I wasn't expecting to transform entirely overnight. I was, however, frustrated that I did end up using credit this month despite putting so much focus on my budget. This has taught me three things: my monthly budget isn't quite right yet, I need to move this budget into another account (as per your great advice!), and I need to really consider how much my emotional state is connected to my spending - and try and think of ways to mitigate this. I don't want to work hard for three weeks of every month and then have to pick up the pieces at the end.
• I am still struggling to say no to people when they ask me to do things. I have gotten better at this - but not good enough. 
• I am finding it all a bit overwhelming. I do feel like my mindset is different compared to other attempts of paying off debt - and I'm certainly being more proactive about it - but looking ahead at this whole journey feels a bit hard. I am going to have to focus on changing my habits and paying debt down slowly for a few months before I can even think about snowballing. This month - after the additional use of credit and the balance transfer fee , and the fact that October will be a bit busier than September - I'm due to break even at the end of this month rather than decrease debt. That in itself will be a win, and with the recent balance transfers I do think I'll finally be able to budget properly and start making a dent in it from next pay cheque, but it does feel like...a lot. I do feel a great amount of shame in my spending, but I am trying to keep positive and learn the lessons.

If I don't take the pay rise into account, I am hoping to see out the year with £2,000 savings - which will inevitably need to go on a rental deposit! - my NatWest credit card cleared and my overdraft reduced. I am going to go slowly this year with the payments and really look at fixing my spending habits, as I am here for the long haul. I'm also going to separate my budget away into a new account this month.

Other things to look at this month:

My phone contract has ended so I can look for a sim-only deal
Stress! I haven't made an appointment with the GP about this yet - ironically, feel too stressed in case they sign me off - but I really need to focus on this at the moment
Aim for a no-spend day once a week.

Thanks for reading...until next time.

MFWannabe

If you are already feeling stressed would the promotion be right for you? I know the salary increase would be beneficial but would it be worth it emotionally? X 

SpendySpender123

Hello - very tired but just a quick check-in to keep myself accountable!

Thanks for your query about the promotion - honestly, I have thought about this a lot myself! I thought I was getting promoted based on the fact that I am already working above my current job role, but a conversation with my boss has led me to understand that I'll also be given more work on top of what I'm doing once (if) it's approved. I spoke to my boss about the fact that I'm feeling overwhelmed with the prospect of more work, and tried to outline to her what I already do and the fact that I am unable to drop any of my tasks to allow for more work. I think she did listen and we are going to try and think of solutions, but...in practice, I doubt there are any outside of me being firm with my boundaries. I currently have a week of annual leave, and having a short break has been helpful. I do need the money, so I think I'll see what happens, see if it's approved, and try and take it from there.

In terms of budget, this month I was aiming to break even based on the recent balance transfer fees, the late overspend last month and the fact that this month was going to be more expensive than last. One of the reasons that this month was due to be expensive was because of a trip to see a friend (which took place earlier in the week). This had been in the diary for a while and I had already booked the tickets in advance but the trip did still ended up being pricier than expected, including some last minute unexpected costs. This means that I have £140 left to last me until payday - 18 days' time. This IS doable, but I'll need to cancel another trip to visit some friends later in the month, as well as a few local social engagements.

I have many thoughts and feelings about all this, but to save a massive old ramble: I can confidently say that a large amount of my debt has built up trying to maintain friendships locally and overseas. I have moved around a lot, which means a lot of my friendships are not nearby. I have spent thousands on attending weddings overseas, on visiting friends near and far, on hen parties, gifts...the usual. My friends rarely visit me - partly due to the fact that I am in shared housing  - potentially they assume I'll end up near them at some point, and it's often true. I feel a huge amount of pressure to be a good friend - and ironically, this has led me to actually be a bit of a rubbish friend sometimes (e.g. I now have to cancel a trip pretty last-minute due to lack of funds, again). I have lost friends due to my financial issues in the past. One friend stopped speaking to me for a while because she thought I was prioritising other people over her; eventually, I explained to her how it's not personal and how much I secretly struggle to juggle everything financially and she still didn't quite get it.

I had a lovely time visiting my friend this month, but was it worth scuppering my entire month? To live off beans on toast and fret?

I don't want to say that my friends don't have financial issues because - who knows? Maybe some of them do - I certainly don't discuss mine openly - but I would say that the vast majority of them seem to live comfortably. Some live off family money or have had large inheritances, and they're all on the property ladder or have a large joint income. I don't think they truly understand my situation because of this. The friend I visited this month is a very kind person - he offered to lend me money towards moving if I needed it in the future - but also can be very strange with money. During my trip there was a bit of a debate over whether we all owed his partner £5 for petrol, despite the fact that I literally spent hundreds on train tickets to see him. They've just bought a new house together, and he'd been given a large sum towards it by a family member (which is why he said he is able to lend me money. I would not feel comfortable in accepting money from him, so thanked him and we moved on).

I have told other friends that I am in financial difficulty (without going into the amount) and again...I don't think they get it. A friend of mine who knows I am in debt just recently asked me if I fancied a weekend at a "pricey" spa for a treat - I declined. I think she is also starting to think I am prioritising others over her, from recent strong hints for me to visit. I have also been asked to join two different friends on two different cruises (!?). I wonder whether my friends think I have a magical money tree?! I wish I did!

Another friend suggested that I pay down my debt slower to allow me to go and visit her. To be fair, paying down debt slower seems to be a solution to work with, but....I mean...not quite the right sentiment!

I am feeling reflective about this because one of the reasons I want to focus on paying down my debt is the fact that so many of my friendships have changed recently. People are moving on with their lives and I can't afford to move on with mine - yet I'm still fixated on spending so much of my money on seeing them. I love my friends, but this has never been sustainable, and a lot of my fear of saying no is coming at a great long-term cost. 

I have a lot more thoughts about this, but what's done is done. Moving on...I'll be cancelling my social events with friends tomorrow when my head is clearer. I've also taken a pre-cooked meal out of the freezer for lunch tomorrow. I don't need to buy too much food this month, but I'll need to be a bit creative with the cooking.

Tesco and MBNA 1 have both offered me a credit increase, and Tesco has offered me another balance transfer for additional funds until August 2025. I am not sure what else to do with this - I am paying a large amount of interest on MBNA 1, so it's probably worth shifting some of this over to Tesco - but I think I'm going to wait until the end of the month to do any more shifting around.

I don't need to technically spend any money this month aside from food or transport to work. This is manageable! And next month will be much easier.

I'll also aim to get myself a SIM-only phone contract by the end of my week off, as my phone contract has ended.

birdsfoottrefoil

Hey Spendy, just catching up on your diary. You sound quite similar to me. I also worry I shouldn’t be on here, as I’m struggling to keep in budget and my debt has grown. However I have lowered my over spending significantly and I read my diary back which helps me to account for myself. So please keep going! I’ve found my friendship group has slightly altered over time, as I don’t see my “out out” friends as much and see others who are happy going for a walk and tea at home. Good luck! 

SpendySpender123

Hello! I am back - and Happy New Year! I am back to try again. Essentially, I don't think I realised how low I was feeling in the last few months of last year, and whilst I started off strong and with the best of intentions...I ended up continuing to overspend and increased my debt slightly. I will say that my overspending amount per month reduced a lot - by over half - but it was still going in the wrong direction.

I have been reading the diaries and have been very inspired - I told myself that I'd come back and start posting when my debt started decreasing, but thought I better just start again. My debt has reduced again this month - a miracle over Christmas - and next pay cheque (24th) I'll be back to where I started at the beginning of the diary So...we go again.

I will say that the two main factors of my spending are:

*A lot of my overspending - the part of the reduction that I think will be easier to manage - continues to be silly routine things, like coffees, lunches, drinks. This month I've started strong in going back to work. I have taken in breakfast and lunch every day, and I've also been gifted a cafetiere and some nice coffee, which I've brought to the office. I've also walked home from work every day, even in the snow! It's too far to walk to and from work each day (I do this occasionally) but walking one way ensures I get my steps in and saves money on the bus. It has been nice to plug into a podcast and decompress after work.
*The harder part to deal with is that I am an emotional spender and react easily to stress. I have been in quite an unstable housing situation for a while - long story short, I thought I would be able to move out of my house this year and in with a friend, but this is no longer a possibility due to her moving in her partner. I have also had two other offers from other friends to lodge with them, which have since been rescinded (one wants to renovate her house, the other has lived alone for a long time and has decided to continue to do so). My houseshare - whilst could be worse - feels quite unpredictable. One of my housemates now has a partner and it feels very hard to live with a couple around me, and we are due to have a new person move in at some point. I am too tired to keep living in houseshares, but I can't afford to buy - or even to rent alone. Rents have skyrocketed in my city - and whilst theoretically I could do it, I wouldn't be able to focus on paying off debt or saving. I will say that it's been my incentive to try and sort myself out - it feels so hard to imagine being able to live alone, but I also feel like the houseshare is stressing me out more than I realise. I often spend money just to get out the house/avoid last-minute dates happening in my lounge/to hide away - which I appreciate is counter-intuitive. It's also hard to sit in the house and do nothing/spend money when you're in a shared environment.

I will say that my instinct was to go away this weekend and visit a friend who lives far away, but that friend has said I should stay and focus on saving money - she said she wouldn't turn me away but I need to start focusing. I am grateful for that, but....argh, what to do this weekend?!

I will also say that I have enough saved for a rental deposit and to move out if I needed - likely into another houseshare -  as I still can't trust the stability of my home at the moment. I would like to keep increasing my savings until I know what is happening with this. 

My credit score is all over the place - it was middle-fair, then went up to almost good, now has swung back to middle-fair. I think, ironically, this is to do with me balance transferring some of my MBNA card onto Virgin, so whilst I've saved £50 a month in interest, the credit card usage has changed across my cards. The only reason I am worried about my credit score right now is because of my housing situation. Worst case scenario, I have a family member who can be a guarantor.

A year flies by, and I need to start looking ahead at the bigger picture - not just with debt, but with my long-term goals in life - rather than how I feel in the moment. This is going to take me a long time, and I am undoing financial behaviours that have been with me since I was 18. But...it is possible, and people do this every day!

I did get my promotion in the end - work has been stressful, I can't lie, but not significantly more so than before. My take-home pay is £250 more a month, so I do think I can make a big dent in things this year.

I have not been to the doctor to discuss my low mood - I don't know why, I feel a bit scared, maybe? I did take a long break over Xmas, which has helped a lot. 

So - steps I have taken:

1. Opened a Monzo account - I've added in a pot for Xmas 2025 with £25 in it. Next pay cheque, I'll start dividing my wage into pots.
2. Breakfast, lunch and coffee all taken into work. Reduced transport costs
3. Moved part of my larger MBNA balance to 0% - I have cut my overall interest payments to around a third of what they were. 
4 Opened some survey accounts to start completing surveys.

I have 2 weeks until payday, including 2 weekends. I don't really have any plans, to be fair, except find excuses to leave my house, haha! I'll try and get out for a lot of walks. The friends local to me are married and/or with families, so my catch ups with them are a bit fleeting these days!

Thanks for reading, and here's to the start of the new year!

weenancyinAmerica

Have you considered taking some free classes on something that interests you? In England, you have access to Open University which has a lot of interesting free classes including some I would like to take but can't being in a different country. I am taking Word class, Excel class, and a Kinitting and Crocheting class. It helps me to get out of the house. I also volunteer at the library - have you considered volunteering somewhere to get out more? I get a big discount on used library books by working at the library, so it helps my budget also. Some people on these threads are doing virtual walks - keeping track of their mileage and how far they could have gone around the country even though they only go around their neighborhood. Some of them are learning about the places they get to on their virtual walk. I also do family history which keeps me busy too. Do you have some hobbies you can work on? I used to pick a different subject each month and concentrate on learning as much as I could during the month. Good luck with finding things to do that don't cost "an arm and a leg". If they try to get you to spend money you don't have, they really aren't friends any more than the women my roommate meets online who just want his money.