Grandmother estate - how to find out what's happening

sixtyfoothigh

In Feb 2023 my grandmother in law (I'll call her Mary) passed away. She had been predeceased by her husband by 30 years, and had been dating a chap (I'll call him Tom) for 24 years.

Mary had 5 children. Mary's eldest child (Sarah) is my mother in law - my partner is an only child. Sarah died in 2020. Her other children survive. So by intestacy rules I think her estate would be her four surviving children and then my partner as the only surviving offspring of her deceased child.

However Mary had a contentious relationship with her children (including my partners mother). They've stolen off her and each other. They've also talked about her dying and the money they'll get repeatedly almost wishing her gone. She shared with myself and my partner about how she couldn't believe she had raised such money grabbing selfish individuals. She was particularly upset when one time she was ill and became dependent briefly on one of them for help they prevented Tom from seeing her.

She'd asked us several times for help in writing in a will to cut them off and every time we said we knew it would cause disputes and that she should speak to a lawyer and take steps to make it harder to dispute (like not cutting off completely, trying to communicate in advance to make them understand why). My partner isn't bothered by inheritance, money is nice, but they feel that respecting grandmothers wishes is more important. She ended up writing a note in a diary that was found after her death stating we'd advised her to take steps to stop her children inheriting.

In the last years of her life she left her house empty and moved in with Tom for help. They never married but she did find a lawyer and write a will leaving most stuff to Tom (her house, and some savings). We never saw the will and don't know which lawyer it was with, but this is what his grandmother told us and she also said the will left a small amount each to grandchildren, including my partner, I think grandmother said £2000. In the last year of her life she declined very quickly, developed dementia, and Tom couldn't cope. Social services got involved and moved her to a care home.

Her remaining children's opinion is that Tom manipulated her and abused her and I know they will be doing everything they can do dispute the will. They are not talking to my partner at all because of the note that was found about advising her to get a lawyer to discuss wills. They even lied about the funeral date to stop my partner attending.

Last time we spoke to Tom he was very sad that he'd not been able to care for her until the death, but wanted nothing to do with any of her family including my partner because of the stress the family were causing an elderly man. Tom will definitely want to fight for his rights in the will though.

My partners view is that he wants grandmothers wishes met (even though the provisions of the will are probably must less than he'd get from intestacy). We didn't see what it was like after dementia developed, but in the first years after she moved in she was well cared for whenever we visited and she seemed happy there. And it's not like this was gold digging... they were together for 24 years. The point the will was written she wasn't showing signs of dementia.

I've been checking the probate website and still nothing. Her house isn't up for sale yet either.

I'm assuming the will is being disputed which would prevent probate, but how would we be able to find out what's going on? Would I need to search court listings? Is there a way for find out the executor of a will that hasn't got probate granted. My partners family won't communicate at all, I think because they know that if there is a court case we'd be on the side of Tom and provide evidence to support she was of sound mind for the will and not manipulated. And we no longer have Tom's contact details.

Sixty x

Olinda99

to summarise - your grandmother left a Will, probably with a 'lawyer' but you don't know which one, and you want to know what is happening 

do you know who the executor was in the will?

Voyager2002

A sad story...

Write to Tom's former address and make sure that he has your contact details, and assure him of your support if there is any dispute over the will. Maybe you could also express your appreciation for care he gave over so many years.

sixtyfoothigh

Olinda99 said:

to summarise - your grandmother left a Will, probably with a 'lawyer' but you don't know which one, and you want to know what is happening 

do you know who the executor was in the will?

Sorry, I know it was long. You've kind of got it right. My partners grandmother told us she had written a will and the majority went to long term boyfriend, with small gifts to grandchildren, and excluding all her actual children. We don't know who witnessed it or who the executor was. Just that it was written in 2021.

Grandmothers boyfriend is also elderly and the stress of partners family drama made him change phone number so we can't get info off him. Partners family are refusing to speak to him because he was on boyfriends side in the matter. My partner doesn't have a clue what is happening.

We've been checking to see every few weeks if probate has been granted, and if there's any move on the estate like the house going up for sale, but we've been wondering if there's anything else we should be checking. If the will is disputed will it ever get as far as probate, or will it end up in the court instead? If we rang round solicitors near where she used to live would they tell us if they'd prepared the will and who the executor is? We don't really know what happens in cases of disputed wills and don't really know where to start.

Keep_pedalling

Voyager2002 said:

A sad story...

Write to Tom's former address and make sure that he has your contact details, and assure him of your support if there is any dispute over the will. Maybe you could also express your appreciation for care he gave over so many years.

I would go along with this but apart from that I would stay out of it. If your partner’s family are contesting the will it could be years before it is sorted.

You can set up a standing search using form PA1S with the probate office which will automatically get you a copy of probate if it is obtained in the next 6 months.

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/60ed615ad3bf7f568ffe8704/PA1S_0721.pdf

sixtyfoothigh

Voyager2002 said:

A sad story...

Write to Tom's former address and make sure that he has your contact details, and assure him of your support if there is any dispute over the will. Maybe you could also express your appreciation for care he gave over so many years.

Thank you for your comment. It is really sad. I'd have to guess at Tom's address as I visited there a few times and can visualise the route there but he lived on a static caravan park and I can't get to Googlestreet view the actual site to get the caravan number (streetview only takes me to the entrance of the park).
I could maybe send the park offices a note explaining which caravan it is as Tom's real name is more distinctive than Tom so they could pass the letter on. I feel so sad for Tom. And my partner, who adored his grandmother, and losing her and his actual mother quite close together has been hard (even though his mother was as problematic as her siblings). He feels he's lost his entire family over this mess.

Keep_pedalling

sixtyfoothigh said:

Voyager2002 said:

A sad story...

Write to Tom's former address and make sure that he has your contact details, and assure him of your support if there is any dispute over the will. Maybe you could also express your appreciation for care he gave over so many years.

Thank you for your comment. It is really sad. I'd have to guess at Tom's address as I visited there a few times and can visualise the route there but he lived on a static caravan park and I can't get to Googlestreet view the actual site to get the caravan number (streetview only takes me to the entrance of the park).
I could maybe send the park offices a note explaining which caravan it is as Tom's real name is more distinctive that Tom so they could pass the letter on. I feel so sad for Tom. And my partner, who adored his grandmother, and losing her and his actual mother quite close together has been hard (even though his mother was as problematic as her siblings). He feels he's lost his entire family over this mess.

He has not lost his entire family, he has you and any children you may have. 

sixtyfoothigh

Keep_pedalling said:

He has not lost his entire family, he has you and any children you may have. 

That genuinely brought a tear to my eye. Thank you.

RAS

Are you physically close enough to visit the park home? Check for minor entrances on Google maps etc. As in there is access for dog walkers to a field, behind which is a field lane or footpath?

If you can get in, ask people if they knew grandma? Explain you want to contact Tom as he's been treated badly by grandma's family and you've been blackballed. Have copies of a stamped letter people could pass on. And offer your own details, even if it's a throw away email.

Or just write to Tim at the Park Home site. He may well have mail forwarding set up, or the park home folk may have his address. Again, explain the way in which OH has been treated and express sympathy for Tom's situation.

Savvy_Sue

Keep_pedalling said:

I would go along with this but apart from that I would stay out of it. If your partner’s family are contesting the will it could be years before it is sorted.

You can set up a standing search using form PA1S with the probate office which will automatically get you a copy of probate if it is obtained in the next 6 months.

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/60ed615ad3bf7f568ffe8704/PA1S_0721.pdf

You can also set up an alert at the Land Registry which will alert you to any change in registration (you don't need any connection to the property). Normally probate would be needed but I feel it's worth doing.

theoretica

Do you have reason to believe someone has the will and will be trying to get probate?  There is always the risk of people destroying a will, not looking for it, not telling the solicitor who has it that the person in question deceased.  Hopefully Tom was in a position to start the process, and the situation isn't just noone doing anything.

Does the park home have an email or phone?  You could ask them - 'If I sent you a letter for 'Tom' could you get it to him?'