Emergency

kimwp

Does your partner know about your debts?

Ak400

yes they do but it’s something I have said I want to fix 

stu12345_2

you add your wages and his to see the grand total coming in.
you work out if wages are equal so split bills 50 50 or if he earns more eg 66 33 then you see what's left over then add up debts and who has the most and the least then take any excess left after paying bills and clothes leisure food etc and do the debts payments based on the size of them compared to each others.

that's the only way it's going to work

otherwise at end of the month one of you is going to have a big fat wallet and the other an empty purse full of coppers, that's when the resentment will kick in and doubt whether the relationship is truly 100% fair and sharing

Brie

First off - I'm assuming your mom is still alive and possibly living alone?  If so tell her to get a key safe so that when someone needs to get in they don't need to call out a lock smith.  It's something that has saved me buckets over the last few years as I'm great at forgetting my keys or locking them in my car or something equally stupid.  If you need to get one because mom can't afford it they do only cost about £40 and can be fitted easily enough if you have minimal DIY skills.  

Next yes do the SOA.  You could for the moment do one just for yourself but with a realistic split of the finances.  So if the groceries are you 40%, partner 60% list it as such.  And do include things like hair cuts, birthday presents, all those things that you do know you pay for.  It doesn't matter that you need to wait until you have the cash to hand realistically you know that over the course of a year you get your hair cut X times at £Y a time so it's £Z a month on average.  To leave things out means you aren't properly budgeting.  And without a proper budget it's very easy to get into debt because you haven't accounted for what your lifestyle costs.

Also on your SOA I suggest you say this is for you only and note what splits there are or that you have nothing noted for council tax (or whatever) as your partner pays all of that.  Whatever is the true picture.  With that people can help.  

Andyjflet

stu12345_2 said:

you add your wages and his to see the grand total coming in.

or hers, I think the partner is a female. 

Andyjflet

Just a quick though, have you tried zero based budgeting? Try two bank accounts, your wages go into one, you then leave the money in that account that is going on on DD, (add a few quid more as a buffer) and then transfer the rest to a monzo or chase type account. If you get paid 4 weekly you can then divide this into 4 pots and that is your spends for the week for example, but with zero based budgeting you budget for the haircut, the coffee, etc etc. anything left over goes to debt or saving. These need reviewing every month as you wont get it right straight off. 

The benefit though is that you know you have say £100 for the week, a meal out at £60 means then you need to cut back, that £40 needs to last you. So if someone says, would you like to go out for a drink, you can check and say, not this week, I can go next week etc. Its about being focused, checking the budget daily and understanding where your money goes.