Need advice

enthusiasticsaver

Is that an aspirational soa or actual? Look up your spending for the last three months. You need a budget you can stick to and that will mean a completely different attitude to spending.

You have no savings so building up emergency savings is a must so while you are waiting for the debts to default put all spare money into savings as you won’t have access to credit.

At first glance your mobile costs, clothing, groceries, presents and entertainment are all high if you split 50/50 with your husband assuming he also spends the same. I would cut back on those as much as possible but I agree with others that ideally this would be a shared problem as if your husband is still spending as if you don’t have almost £28k of unsecured debt it will be hard to cover the fact that you are restricting spending. As he is financially associated with you your defaults will affect any applications he makes for a new credit card or bank account so is that how you want him to find out? You may also get letters and phone calls after payments are missed for a while although you can write and tell them only to contact you by email and check what numbers they hold for you. You can change mortgage deals if yours is up within the next 6 years but you will have to stick with your current lender. 

I agree that you cannot continue though and if you can manage to free up £400 - £450 a month to go to the debt you will be free of it in 6 years which is as long as it will take for the defaults to drop off. Good luck.

enthusiasticsaver

rainbow_days said:

I agree I need to look at my spending and create a realistic budget. Is there anywhere I can go for realistic figures for spending on clothing, groceries etc for a family of four? 

I have seen the odd standard budget plan around but I am not sure if that would be helpful. Someone who shops at one of budget supermarkets, uses basics and batch cooks and restricts alcohol and treats and doesn’t have hungry teenagers will obviously be able to cut way back. Some manage a groceries figure of £200 for a family of 4. If you shop at waitrose and are used to nice fresh food without restriction that is closer to the £700 you pay. That is not realistic though if you have unmanageable debt. I would aim initially to get it down to £400 for you but how do you manage that if you split 50/50? Who does the shopping as your husband presumably will not be on board with cutting back as he does not know why or how critical it is. 

With clothing I would stop buying for you and just the kids and maybe supermarket, eBay or Primark rather than Next or M and S. When the contract for your mobile is finished move to sim only. Look for free entertainment and restrict eating out and takeaways. If you can manage to do that without your husband noticing or sabotaging your efforts by presenting you with continually high demands for shopping then dealing with this without telling him is feasible. 

recklessmurmur

Your story is alot like mine, only difference is that I am a single parent. 
I stopped my payments from April and am waiting for defaults now- I have managed to save a little emergency fund & have got myself a budget which seems to fit (the only issue I have is curbing my urges to spend on things I don't need/haven't budgeted for. I realise now how unhealthy my relationship with money really was. I would freely tap my credit cards anywhere we went - but needing to dip into my emeregncy fund - nope, I'll do anything I can to avoid spending that!! Its like my savings are 'real' money and the credit card wasn't!!
The payments after 0% deals ending was the final nail for me. I was just treading water with minimum payments anyway, but still needing to use the cards each month. When the 0% interest deals ended, I physically couldn't make the payments. I managed to somehow make them for a few months, but it left me with no money for food. I had to go to a foodbank a few times, and sell as much as I could each month. I was already working stupid hours, but then took on even more. I was exhausted both physically and mentally. Stopping paying and starting a planning for a self managed dmp took a weight off me instantly. I am still licking my wounds a bit from it all, but it was my own making and I now need to deal with the consequences. However, my quality of life is better already because I know what I do and do not have money for & can spend accordingly.  
I wish you all the very best. My partner doesn't know a thing about my situation, but we are not financially linked so a little different to your situation. RM xxx