So now this is serious

gilligansyle

I have been a regular reader of this site and, as are most people, am filled with admiration for those who have really committed to it.

I have struggled along for years, robbing Peter to pay Paul, even got into mortgage arrears, because I couldn't buy food. My lender would not accept the offer of payment so I let them take me to court. It was hard, but the court accepted what I offered, and as long as I can make the payments, that is one less worry.

Even after that, I still struggled, did not really grasp the situation, but have finally had the lighbulb moment. I have spent most of the Christmas holiday in tears, as the reality has hit me. My son is 21 in May, I have the grand total of £150 saved towards it, and I don't think he'll be happy with that. I can't/won't borrow to buy him a present.

So far today, I have changed Broadband provider, earned points completing surveys and have applied to be a mystery shopper...
I am now going to do the very scary thing and add up the totals. Any advice and support will be greatly appreciated.

mcjordi

im sure he will be ok with that its a good night out if nothing else

theunknownstuntman

Hi Gillian, welcome to the site, and well done on the big scary lightbulb moment. Big hugs to you.

Post an SoA (The link on how to do this is at the top of the DFW forum, in SouthernScousers how to guide)
The genius who are the people on here are great at helping out with these, they helped me too. I'm not too good at helping out with them but can offer all the support and hugs in the world.
Your son should be happy with any present you get him, don't worry!

withabix

Does your son live at home and if so, does he pay you rent?

He should at that age.

Scarlett.1974

Hi and welcome to MSE

As has already been said; post your SOA when you're ready and then stand back and be prepared to be blown away as all the amazing, helpful advice comes rolling in

Re your son and his birthday - well, without wishing to sound harsh but he'll just have to get what you can afford and if that's not "good enough" for him then tough. He is an adult now and should be able to appreciate that his mum will give him what she can afford and no more. Is he aware of your financial situation? If not, then maybe you should share it with him, he might surprise you I do agree with withabix too - if he's still at home then he should definitely be contributing to the household.

Chin up, we will help you

Scarlett xx

gilligansyle

My son does live at home, but is looking for work. He was working until November and, yes, he was paying rent. He has some job interviews in the new year, so fingers crossed.

He doesn't know how bad things are, he knows there is no spare cash.

In_Search_Of_Me

as others have said post your SOA & people can see where they can help. Contributing to a household is more sometimes about attitude than money sometimes! Does he help out with cleaning etc? How hard is he trying to get jobs? I think it would be a good idea to sit down & have an honest & open chat with him. £150 is way too much for a birthday present in these circumstances! Its alot when your loaded never mind skint! If he doesent like it then thats tough! A gift is something freely given but should not be at the expense of loosing your house!! Use the money to pay debts and explain why this, for now, is more important...hugs for you! Keep posting & try & get some dosh from your son - even if hes on bens he should be paying his way!

antronella

gilligansyle wrote: »

My son does live at home, but is looking for work. He was working until November and, yes, he was paying rent. He has some job interviews in the new year, so fingers crossed.

He doesn't know how bad things are, he knows there is no spare cash.

Sorry to hear things are so bad for you. I really do think you should have a chat with your son..he's an adult now and so long as he knows you are doing something positive to help matters..he will be able to cope with it. may also serve as a caution for his future too.

I've recently separated from my husband after 20years and my kids (18 & 21)keep asking if I'm managing ok moneywise. Neither of them would want me to worry about not being able to afford presents that I usually can. Xmas, I just gave what I could afford..it bothered me more than it bothered them. Good luck x

bathgatebuyer

I'm sure your son will appreciate your honesty if you tell him about your money situation. It will also be good for him to know that money is something everything has to work and save for. I always thought money must grow on trees as even though were skint when I was growing up, I never wanted for anything. Now I look back a little ashamed of some of the tantrums and tempers I must have thrown when I didn't get what I wanted when I was younger. Now I'm (much!) older I can now appareciate that money must have been tight, and like everyone on this board knows, there's no shame in admitting that there's just not enough available for us all to get everything we want.

arnie&caseysma!

After my parents split we were left in no doubt as to the money situation in the family. I hosted my own 18th and 21st and paid for it all. I got a £50 present off each of the parents and would not even have thought about turning my nose up at that - i considered myself lucky to get anything. Your son needs to know what is going on.

Do you have a spare room? Have you considered taking in a lodger to help out with things? Sometimes it does help.

Good luck.

the_missis

I really do feel for you, because your in the same shoes as me almost. you can do it, just as depressed as me i guess, but your son should be more than happy to receive that amount especially if he understands the situation your in. xx