Multiple loans and buy now pay layers

Harry_4life

Hi,

Newbie here. I just wanted some advice on what to do.

Basically early last year I discovered that my wife had taken out multiple loans out in my name, she had taken out so many other things on buy now pay later and I knew nothing of it.

I found out towards the end of last year when u stumbled across a whole pile of letters under my name hidden in a draw.

She has recently been diagnosed with bipolar and she blames it all on that. Now when I mentioned I will call up these companies or even the police she threaten to leave me etc. I didn't want that to happen as I had no way of paying things off.

She agreed to slowly pay things off and asked me set up payment plans with all these companies to which I did. Now she's not keeping up with payments and I can't afford pay things off myself.

I had a credit score of over 900 and now its on 53! I currently have a car on finance on too which I wanted to extend once the lease was over but after hearing they will do another credit check I will now end up having to sell it even though I'm reluctant of letting it go. 

I just want to know what options I have, like I've already spoken to these companies myself, I've agreed payment plans with them. Is it too late for me to do anything now? I believe they'll just turn around and say you've agreed to pay,  you didn't mention anything before and not do anything. I can't claim bankruptcy, as I have a motrgate and stuff on my name too. I have other family members living with me and are reliant on me.

Life is very difficult atm, I'm working 40 hours a week. Doing 130 hours overtime a month just to break even. It's draining, I lost my son last February too and I've still not even grieved over this. My heads been all over the place, stressing and panicking about these things.

I don't talk about my mental state much but here I am typing away, maybe because I've not spoken to anyone how I feel and you guys don't know me to judge me so I can open up.

It's getting too much for me recently, I've hurt myself a few times, I've tried to top myself twice but failed. First time ended up overdosing on tablets but ended up vomiting everything out and in hospital for week. 

The second time I tried to jump in front of a moving train but some random bloke pulled me back.

I know it's not the right thing to do, I know i have people who care about me, I know it's not going to change things nor will it make it easier on those I leave behind. I know all of this. But it's easier to just escape.

Sorry for waffling on guys honestly.

I just don't know what to do anymore and im feeling myself about to explode  keeping everything in and not letting things out.

I have spoken to friends and family and nobody can help my situation. 

I'm still with my wife now but things are very very difficult between us, I'm just being as patient as I can be.

I would appreciate it if someone could give me some advice on what to do and how to deal with all of this.

The debt with companies is atleast 25k. Have agreed payment plans with them all which will take around 6 years but they are no longer manageable due to her also taking all my savings I had saved. (Around 20k) yup that's vanished too. 

And apologies again if this is something that shouldn't be put into this thread.

Harry_4life

Hi,

Newbie here. I just wanted some advice on what to do.

Basically early last year I discovered that my wife had taken out multiple loans out in my name, she had taken out so many other things on buy now pay later and I knew nothing of it.

I found out towards the end of last year when u stumbled across a whole pile of letters under my name hidden in a draw.

She has recently been diagnosed with bipolar and she blames it all on that. Now when I mentioned I will call up these companies or even the police she threaten to leave me etc. I didn't want that to happen as I had no way of paying things off.

She agreed to slowly pay things off and asked me set up payment plans with all these companies to which I did. Now she's not keeping up with payments and I can't afford pay things off myself.

I had a credit score of over 900 and now its on 53! I currently have a car on finance on too which I wanted to extend once the lease was over but after hearing they will do another credit check I will now end up having to sell it even though I'm reluctant of letting it go. 

I just want to know what options I have, like I've already spoken to these companies myself, I've agreed payment plans with them. Is it too late for me to do anything now? I believe they'll just turn around and say you've agreed to pay,  you didn't mention anything before and not do anything. I can't claim bankruptcy, as I have a motrgate and stuff on my name too. I have other family members living with me and are reliant on me.

Life is very difficult atm, I'm working 40 hours a week. Doing 130 hours overtime a month just to break even. It's draining, I lost my son last February too and I've still not even grieved over this. My heads been all over the place, stressing and panicking about these things.

I don't talk about my mental state much but here I am typing away, maybe because I've not spoken to anyone how I feel and you guys don't know me to judge me so I can open up.

It's getting too much for me recently, I've hurt myself a few times, I've tried to top myself twice but failed. First time ended up overdosing on tablets but ended up vomiting everything out and in hospital for week. 

The second time I tried to jump in front of a moving train but some random bloke pulled me back.

I know it's not the right thing to do, I know i have people who care about me, I know it's not going to change things nor will it make it easier on those I leave behind. I know all of this. But it's easier to just escape.

Sorry for waffling on guys honestly.

I just don't know what to do anymore and im feeling myself about to explode  keeping everything in and not letting things out.

I have spoken to friends and family and nobody can help my situation. 

I'm still with my wife now but things are very very difficult between us, I'm just being as patient as I can be.

I would appreciate it if someone could give me some advice on what to do and how to deal with all of this.

And apologies again if this is somehting that shouldn't be put into this thread.

400ixl

Sorry to hear your situation. Please don't do anything harmful to yourself.

I would head over to the debt free wanna be's section and post up a statement of Affairs. You will get good advice there if you are in a position where you are not in a position to pay your debts. The problems are solvable, may take time but they can be solved.

You have far more patience with your other half than I would by the sounds of it.

njkmr

Get shut of her first.
You don't need her doing this to you.
Stay strong for yourself first and foremost.
Everything else can be sorted.
She's sounds disgusting.

powerspowers

Hi I didn’t want to read and run. I’m so sorry you are struggling so much with the loss of your son and the actions of your wife, whether a result of her illness or not. 

Debt is manageable, there is a lot you can do. You don’t need to make any decisions right now. The same about your marriage, you don’t have to make any decisions right now. 

The important thing now is to make a plan for your safety if things feel too much for you. Reach out to a dr or mental health professional, tell them what you’ve told us and ask for help to stop you acting on the suicidal thoughts you’ve been having. If you feel like that again, call someone you trust or 999. 

Debt and money worries and marriage problems are all things you can get through. Lots of us have and come out the other side. 

Take things one step at a time, the first steps being to look after you

All the best 
pp x

fatbelly

You're fine to put this on debt-free wannabe. I'd say it's the right place.

Now all those debts are what we call non-priority. That is they can't really do anything. Court claims don't happen as often as you would think, and we can talk you through them if it did.

Let's take a step back. Your wife's bipolar may well be a reason she did what she did. Is she now getting help and is it under control?

You also have reason to be discussing your health with your GP and getting professional help.

As for the debts. It might be best if the facts about them were presented through a third party. Do you have a CAB with a debt specialist local to you? A CMA centre? A CAP centre?

2021rdsunshine

Welcome to the board Harry_4life

First of all: regardless of any amount of debt that you are in , absolutely nothing is more important than your life . It sounds that you are going through a tough time, please seek some professional help from your GP if you feel you can’t handle it all. Surely more people will come along to advise you but your first step should be stopping paying all this companies and concentrating in paying your priority debts. Would help if you do a SOA so people can advise you accordingly. Maybe it’s time to sit down, breathe and reevaluate your situation  with the help from this forum. 

fatbelly

Guys - the op has posted over on dfw and is getting help there

Tucosalamanca

njkmr said:

Get shut of her first.
You don't need her doing this to you.
Stay strong for yourself first and foremost.
Everything else can be sorted.
She's sounds disgusting.

Nothing to do with grief and/or mental illness?

A horrible situation for sure, but describing her as disgusting seems a bit harsh to me?

kimwp

Hi Harry, you should definitely talk to your GP about how you are feeling. The NHS funds counselling, but usually only a few sessions, have you tried any bereavement charities?

Harry_4life

I have mentioned things to my doctor and the only thing he suggested was taking tablets such as sertraline.

He did apparently refer me to some counciling but never heard from them and have chased it up too.

I've spoken to a few people through work regarding how I feel, this would be pam assist, occupational health and civil servants charity.

All I really got from them all was you'll be okay, just try not to think about these things as you'll end up overthinking and causing yourself more issues.

The mrs has spoken to her doctors and she's had a few therapy sessions. Currently on medication for it (never seen her take it)
To be honest this whole bipolar only came out a few months ago. And I'm struggling to believe it myself.

It's like when she does something wrong she blames bipolar. But when she does everything else she wants to do she's perfectly fine if that makes sense.

I do struggle to trust her because of all this, not just money has been taken from myself but also personal items I.e watches and stuff.

She had a bank account in my name which later I found out they had closed down too!

I do have a CAB close to me but haven't spoken to them regarding this. I will give them a call and see what they say.

I'm on top of priority bills, I.e mortgage and utilities it's just all these extra ones.

I didn't want to just stop paying things as I thought this would make things far worse for me and I'll fall deeper into this quicksand debt, hence working all the extra hours to cover things.

What is a SOA? Sorry this is all new to me.

I have attended a bereavement session but wasn't a charity. That was intense for me.

Like I said earlier I know I shouldn't feel this way or think this way. I know life's more important. But it's just some odd days when everything adds up and I struggle to deal with it all.

I struggle to trust the woman as it is, trust me me when I say this. She's very cunning. I don't want to go into detail but briefly mentioning. Claimed she was due an inheritance, forged documents claiming to be a solictor etc. Till this day she denies it.

I think the debt is something that's on my mind all the time. When I look at her it makes me very angry, like how could u do this to your own husband, the so called person you love.

Once I figure a way around this whole debt and plan how to deal with it all properly if I can. Because it's always on my mind and it's not going away. I can't grieve I can't deal with my own mental health until i overcome this burden first.

I'm sacred of ending up loosing my home and everything if I don't keep up with all payments.