Desperate advice/help needed

sourcrates

Its so difficult to advise on this as non of the statutory debt solutions are going to help here, simply because of the guarantor loans.

You could go bankrupt, but then your landlord will be chased for the loan, and you end up homeless.

The only thing I can come up with is what I said in your other thread, prioritise the landlord guarantor loan, CT arrears, and default on the rest, the thinking behind that is twofold.

Your other loan is guaranteed by your partner, who has no means to pay it, so that`s a dead end street for them.

Everything else either pay a token payment or nothing at all, send letter to explain why, then focus on that loan, throw everything at it, once that`s gone, you can deal with what`s left.

Any accounts that see legal action, courts set payment according to your budget, if it`s a quid each, then its a quid each, I see no other way out of this that sees you stay in your home.

BuzyBee13

A few things to consider, and I am assuming you are in England (things may be different in Scotland) and what's available may depend on the area you live in:

Is your partner on Universal Credit? If not, he needs to see if he can get that ASAP. He MUST tell them he is getting carers allowance and they will then deduct that, but then there is an additional payment for caring for people in receipt of PIP, so overall he should be getting more money. So he needs to take all your and his paperwork with him when he signs on. The benefit cap doesn't apply if you get DLA or PIP. Do talk to citizen's advice or see below re social prescriber that may be able to help with application.

Then, when he's on benefits, he needs to claim for free NHS prescriptions for himself (and his partner! ie you). He needs to have assets less than £16,000 including property but you clearly have no savings, so should qualify. There are forms to fill in to claim this, he needs to make sure he fills in the correct form (there are 2 options and I can't remember off the top of my head which one he'll need. And if he gets back into work he MUST inform the NHS and stop claiming this benefit (ditto carers allowance over a certain amount per week).

Then, can you cancel the gym? Is that for you or for him? If him, he needs to substitute with self-created outdoor/indoor exercise using free equipment in parks, body resistance, looking on freecycle for hand weights etc. I'd suggest he try to get out at least 1 hour a day, just to help keep himself healthy. If he likes social media, he could even try videoing him learning to keep himself fit without a gym and share to tikitok/insta/youtube... you can monetise these channels (chances are he'll just get 20 followers but some people do make it big!)

The other option is to call your GP and ask if they have a social prescriber, or if they would be able to refer you to a social prescriber in their primary care network. Social prescribing is designed to help people with complex needs ie debt/caring/chronic or mental illness etc - and you don't have to be "sick" to be eligible for it. It's designed, in part, to prevent things getting worse. It's designed around "what matters to you" - so the more open you are to asking for help, the more he or you would get. If he's feeling remotely stressed/low I'd first suggest a GP appointment with the aim of asking for social prescribing....

So, the social prescriber may be able to get you/him free gym membership or alternatives like free swimming or exercise classes. They may be able to sign-post your partner to local activities or groups so he can maintain a social life and interests now he's not working - carers are at great risk of mental health problems, so fitness, social and community groups (there are several national networks aimed at men like Shed that are amazing), even CBT if he is feeling low are all options (amoung many others) that could be there to support him. The social prescriber can also help connect him to people to help with benefit applications if you are uncertain about your entitlements.

I am sure your partner is stressed with the situation you are in, but if he's even remotely open to the idea of stopping smoking this may be a time when he can get support to try and quit again... either the social prescriber can get your partner free nicotine replacement patches/gum etc or these on prescription (but see above, he'll now have free prescriptions)... there are also other forms of support available. Even if he manages to cut down it will still save money - and improve his long-term health.

As you said you go into work, and I'm assuming that is 9-5, and that your partner is not coming in with you, that suggests you don't need him with you constantly.... so he could try and find volunteer work with kids sports, or anything really that interests him. Sometimes these things can lead to jobs. It's hard to make suggestions without knowing him, but it's really important he's out and about as much as possible in productuve activity for his own mental health.

A few other thoughts as you are in such dire straits:

You say optical expenses - contact lenses? Can you not switch to your glasses (assuming you have a pair) instead?

Do you need a landline? Many broadband companies will provide internet without a landline these days, and you can use your mobile for calls. (I know this depends on your local coverage/existing contract).

Have you contacted your TV package provider and told them of your situation and asked to get out of your contract? Stress the disability benefits, job loss, debts. It's worth a try. Then stick to freeview and maybe one streaming service like netflix or prime (you can cancel and jump to the another service when you run oiut of stuff to watch). 

Same with the mobile phones - worth a call to see if they will help, even if that's reducing your package somewhat (most people do not need a lot of data).

Do you really need to buy presents? My family now does IOUs for things like weeding, massages, cooking, spring cleaning, babysitting....

And finally, have you considered that it might be more cost effective for your partner to work full time and for you to hire a carer for the specific times your need help ie to drive you to/from work, or help in mornings/evenings? Again, without knowing your situation, and there's no need to share this personal info, this may not be feasible.
Have you ensured the NHS is giving you all the home adaptive aids you need to be as independent as you can, again many people don't know what's available and sometimes these things fail to get actioned by the NHS even if originally indicated.

Kirstevans80

@sourcrates and @BuzyBee13 ty so much for all that advice. I completely forgot about social prescribers. I have worked alot with them in my previous nhs role. Will definately reach out to them.

Both comments are really constructive and have made me think about some options possibly for us.


Spoke to FSO today and my dispute regarding guarantors is being looked at. It has not been a no so fingers crossed. If it's upheld they have said they will recommend to release guarantors. However (no pun inteanded) that's not guaranteed. So until I hear back definately going to look at all you have said.

Ty so much have often felt very alone and anxious about all thus. Even just openly discussing our situation and get advice has been a helpful and reassuring xx

Cheery_Daff

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time.

I can't give any advice about debt, but have you made sure you're getting all the support you're entitled to as a disabled person? This may make other aspects of life easier. For example, the Access to Work scheme:

https://www.gov.uk/access-to-work

And have you had an assessment for social care needs from the local council?

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/help-from-social-services-and-charities/getting-a-needs-assessment/

Has your partner had a carers assessment? 

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/support-and-benefits-for-carers/carer-assessments/

You may not be entitled to anything, but it's always worth checking. Check with your local disabled people's organisation too, as they may have ideas you haven't thought of - for example:

https://choicesandrights.org.uk/dpulo/

Obviously i don't know your situation, and you don't have to answer these questions on the forum, they're just things for you to investigate if they seem appropriate.

Good luck!