Random one

magpies79

So as the Title states it’s a strange one it’s not made up!!!

so at my place of work there is a man around mid 40s who I bump into every now and then we exchange a few jokes small chit chat then go about our work we both work for different companies.

anyway he’s been single for pretty much most of his life (from what he’s told me) lives with his younger brother but has always mentioned a women he talks to from America and has exchange messages and pictures on a app doesn’t have her number but this has been going on for 5 years.

so today out of the blue he shows me a picture of her tells me her name and looking at her it just didn’t seem right anyway she’s a model he tells me so I look her up with a friend on Instagram and she’s got over 3 million followers.
i speak to him later and show her on Instagram and he says yeah that’s her i then say to him you can go through her profile see her pictures and day to day stuff.

i ask him have you been sent any of these photos that are on this womens profile he says yeah I recognise a few…..so someone is clearly using this women’s profile pretending to be her and speaking to this guy I see around at work and Is talking through an app.

i then press him a little further and say look have you actually spoken or FaceTime this Person or made any effort to make sure your not being taken advantage of in anyway he says no but it’s her so it’s ok I’ll be honest he’s not the brightest.

I asked him your not sending money or anything are you he goes quite well sometimes I ask how often and is it a lot.
he’s been transferring £100-150 every month for 5 years because sometimes she needs help with stuff so like I’ll buy gift cards and that!!!

so I mean clear as day well as soon as I seen the profile I knew he was being either catfished or maybe a joke but he’s being scammed isn’t he? I’ve said look you need to stop transferring money because it’s not going to the person you think your talking to he said yeah yeah I’ll do that but I very much get the impression he’s lonely and there using this to extort money from him and he’s going to continue to do this.

so do I tell someone else if so who like it’s his life he’s told me in confidence I know but I want to help him because I don’t think he’s going to help himself 
Sorry for the essay 

marcia_

magpies79 said:

So as the Title states it’s a strange one it’s not made up!!!

so at my place of work there is a man around mid 40s who I bump into every now and then we exchange a few jokes small chit chat then go about our work we both work for different companies.

anyway he’s been single for pretty much most of his life (from what he’s told me) lives with his younger brother but has always mentioned a women he talks to from America and has exchange messages and pictures on a app doesn’t have her number but this has been going on for 5 years.

so today out of the blue he shows me a picture of her tells me her name and looking at her it just didn’t seem right anyway she’s a model he tells me so I look her up with a friend on Instagram and she’s got over 3 million followers.
i speak to him later and show her on Instagram and he says yeah that’s her i then say to him you can go through her profile see her pictures and day to day stuff.

i ask him have you been sent any of these photos that are on this womens profile he says yeah I recognise a few…..so someone is clearly using this women’s profile pretending to be her and speaking to this guy I see around at work and Is talking through an app.

i then press him a little further and say look have you actually spoken or FaceTime this Person or made any effort to make sure your not being taken advantage of in anyway he says no but it’s her so it’s ok I’ll be honest he’s not the brightest.

I asked him your not sending money or anything are you he goes quite well sometimes I ask how often and is it a lot.
he’s been transferring £100-150 every month for 5 years because sometimes she needs help with stuff so like I’ll buy gift cards and that!!!

so I mean clear as day well as soon as I seen the profile I knew he was being either catfished or maybe a joke but he’s being scammed isn’t he? I’ve said look you need to stop transferring money because it’s not going to the person you think your talking to he said yeah yeah I’ll do that but I very much get the impression he’s lonely and there using this to extort money from him and he’s going to continue to do this.

so do I tell someone else if so who like it’s his life he’s told me in confidence I know but I want to help him because I don’t think he’s going to help himself 
Sorry for the essay 

 Definitely sounds like a scam to me. 5 years is a long time but so long as he's willing they will keep at it. 

LinLui

Unfortunately there isn't really anyone that you can "tell". This is an adult with full capacity. You have told him what you think. Undoubtedly others have too. If he chooses not to listen to the warnings,  that is his right.  It's hard,  I know,  too see someone treated like this,  but the only person who can report this is him - and even if he did,  there is probably precious little that anyone could do about the scam.

marcia_

 Just saw this on Facebook https://www.which.co.uk/consumer-rights/advice/how-to-spot-a-scam-alFiz5h8mnJ9?utm_campaign=UPDATE&utm_content=1684852885&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook&fbclid=IwAR3mCiTboOw2mRNTF0ZVVNDXBhl94pkIUYLXNw-FBAoFnuAH5y5oGBrWTdA_aem_AdOiPpANM6EBIRg_uQasED8vC-YWWqggXmE1WVeq3fs7xIPbnTV3xMadrS-gC6-5OPgaKcDmfPLiB1Zte7-GvEL6



https://search2.which.co.uk/search?asug=&mainresult=mainresult%3Ayes&intcmp=GNH-Search&w=Romance+scam+

Marcon

magpies79 said:

so do I tell someone else if so who like it’s his life he’s told me in confidence I know but I want to help him because I don’t think he’s going to help himself 
Sorry for the essay 

Romance (there's a misnomer if ever there was one) scams look blindingly obvious to a third party, but the person who is 'under the spell' is remarkably dogmatic and unwilling to listen, which is why they are so easy to perpetuate once started.

If you were told something in confidence, keep it that way. His life isn't at risk and if, as it sounds, he has nowhere else to spend his money, then maybe this ghastly fraud is actually keeping him happy. That's incredibly hard for an onlooker to swallow, particularly one who's concerned enough to take the trouble to put up a long post here, but I fear it's the answer in this case.

Malthusian

magpies79 said:

so do I tell someone else if so who like it’s his life he’s told me in confidence I know but I want to help him because I don’t think he’s going to help himself

You can do the same thing you would do if he'd confided that he spends £100 - £150 a month on sex workers, fruit machines or cigarettes. Nothing.

Sadly, that is a really quite low amount of money to lose on a romance scam; although it probably isn't that small to him, and he may not be a reliable narrator on how much he spends on it. Lonely people can spend way more than that on OnlyFans, which is essentially the same thing without the deception.

The only thing you can do (bearing in mind he is just a casual acquaintance) is to be supportive and don't say "told you so" if he tells you he's realised he's been scammed.

lincroft1710

Not really an employment issue! Possibly Marriages, Relationships and Families would be a more appropriate board

Sleepysophie

@magpies79 Maybe he kind of already knows but for £50-£100 she (?) is providing a service he is happy to "pay" for. Maybe he would rather just live in the fantasy. From what I have heard about these types of Romance Scams though, they usually escalate quickly. Maybe its a long con, or maybe they are both just happy with their "arrangement". 

magpies79

Appreciate the replies I very much got the opinion he was adamant he was talking to the women that was sending him photos and he’s most definitely not and while I see your point about being happy with the arrangement obviously from my point of view this person is clearly lying.

This person only from his account of course comes up every month with a scenario in which he has to transfer this person 100-150 a month on average Phones broke need a new one, mums in hospital need a taxi, didn’t get paid, honest the list is endless as it’s been 5 years of it  I did ask him do you transfer to there account yesterday when I seen him and he said no they always ask for it in the form of gift cards google play etc so it’s scam but I’ll stay out of it just a shame to see it.

sorry the reason i put it in the work section was I felt obligated to report it I’m not his friend I’m at work so didn’t know if there was anyone I could talk to but from the responses I’ve got sounds definitely like the wrong idea so I’ll stay out of it.

again see the fantasy point of view and maybe if he’s transferring it to live that dream that’s fine but wouldn’t that have to be a Mutual understanding between them both not lie and make up different reason to transfer money.

robatwork

You've already sown the seed of doubt in his head. If he's open to it, the seed will grow and he'll snap out if it. If he's still totally embedded then frankly it's not your responsibility and you've already done your bit. You could leave that romance scam website address somewhere handy or on his keyboard anonymously