Child Maintenance Question

Steameh

Hi all,

I just want to state that this isn't about getting out of paying for my son. My son is everything to me and I'll always ensure he has everything he needs. It's more a matter of principles and recent actions from my ex resulting in me questioning my contributions.

Me and my ex agreed I have my son for 3 nights every week and the other 4 are to be with her. I wanted a 50/50 split but she wasn't having any of it so I chose to settle rather than fight. We used the maintenance calculator to work out how much I should pay and I have paid this ever since we split.

I've also always been happy to contribute half to clothes, school uniform, school trips, swimming lessons, football and other bits throughout the year.

It took us a couple of years to see eye to eye and last year she messaged to say despite the relationship not working out, she's grateful that we can get along and amicably spend time together taking our son out. I agreed.

I've also helped her move house since we separated and stayed at her house to look after her other 2 children for 4 nights while she's away with work.

Fast forward to January this year and she announces that she's been seeing someone for 5 months and is introducing him to our son. She then starts being completely vile towards me and completely dismissing my thoughts on introducing our son to someone so soon. She also asks me to remove my gym from her garage, despite previously agreeing that I can keep it there until I sort something at my house. I've now joined a gym costing me £30 a month.

I would also like to state that this isn't about the new partner. I was the one that left her and it was the best decision I made in the relationship. I am glad she's moved on as up until the text message last year she was wanting us to go out together without our son, to which I declined.

I've also met the new partner, have shook his hand and had a chat with him to make sure he knows that my feelings towards him meeting our son are nothing personal and I'm happy for the both of them. He seems like a really decent bloke which as far as I'm concerned is a good thing if he is to be involved in our sons life.

I guess her actions have left me feeling like I've been completely walked over and questioning my financial contributions. The money to go halves on everything doesn't benefit my son because he will have those things regardless, it only benefits her bank account. She earns more money than I do, and while her outgoings are higher than mine (3 kids and a house to keep them in), it's not really my problem anymore.

I guess I know what I need to do so this post can be excused as having a rant. I'd never see my son go without and I'll reiterate it really isn't about the money. I'm just done with doing her anymore favours.

marcia_

 Rant away, best to get it off your chest and written down you can make some sense of it hopefully 

 you might be better going back to the calculator and paying what you should and can afford. 

Steameh

Thanks marcia_. Unfortunately the calculator only takes into account the number of nights he stays over with me, it doesn't take into account clothing etc.

I would probably need to get an official maintenance claim going if I were to include the additional costs. It's probably easier to tell her I'm no longer going to contribute towards clothes etc as the maintenance covers that.

marcia_

 IMAO unless you are particularly well off you should pay what the calculator says no more no less other than presents or gifts. Even going official through child maintenance 

Steameh

I'm far from well off. I did it because I felt an element of guilt for leaving her. She had to move house a few months after I left and her rent almost doubled. I wanted to contribute where I could but her behaviour recently has changed how I feel.

marcia_

 The amount the calculator says you have to pay is meant to cover all expenses. So anything in addition is your choice.

 I don't think it's your fault her rent doubled she decided to move and accept the higher rent. She may be getting support with rent if she claims benefits or is in a low income.?