Debt has finally caught up with me

tallyhoh

I would strongly advise you come clean to your wife. Many years ago I was in her position & was so distressed when I found my partners the debt was fairly large that I had a nervous breakdown. It wasn't the debt that caused my health problems, it was the secrecy & deceit. Good luck for the future 

andy26599

So the phone calls have already started from loan/credit card companies, do I answer these or do I just ignore them?  

andy26599

tallyhoh said:

I would strongly advise you come clean to your wife. Many years ago I was in her position & was so distressed when I found my partners the debt was fairly large that I had a nervous breakdown. It wasn't the debt that caused my health problems, it was the secrecy & deceit. Good luck for the future 

I know I have to, but the fear of torpedoing another marriage is strong. She's so credit averse, and I know I' should've fessed up years ago, but as it was manageable at the time, and we didn't live together and it's all in my name, I just kept it to myself in the expectation that I would pay some of it off when I got my pay out from my ex wife, and then use the money I'm saving on those to snowball the rest, but as I've previously said, that payout still hasn't come and now I find myself in the hole I've dug for myself.

sourcrates

andy26599 said:

So the phone calls have already started from loan/credit card companies, do I answer these or do I just ignore them?  

And say what?
These are automated dialler calls, even if you answer and are connected to a human, until an arrangement is in place, they will keep calling, and you will just be repeating yourself over and over again.

There is nothing to say at present, just ignore and/or block them.

turbocat2024

Check if your phone has a spam filter, I haven't received any calls so far as my phone automatically filters out spam, I just get a notification of a missed spam call, 4 or 5 a day at the moment.... I guess this is a good thing but should I review the setting when debts default ?

sourcrates

turbocat2024 said:

Check if your phone has a spam filter, I haven't received any calls so far as my phone automatically filters out spam, I just get a notification of a missed spam call, 4 or 5 a day at the moment.... I guess this is a good thing but should I review the setting when debts default ?

Why though?
Anything to do with debt and legal issues should be communicated in writing only, or by email.

Never on the phone.

enthusiasticsaver

I would ignore the phone calls.  Really you just want the debts to default and sold on. I would insist on everything in writing.  You have no access to credit so you need to save for emergencies.  

HampshireH

andy26599 said:

tallyhoh said:

I would strongly advise you come clean to your wife. Many years ago I was in her position & was so distressed when I found my partners the debt was fairly large that I had a nervous breakdown. It wasn't the debt that caused my health problems, it was the secrecy & deceit. Good luck for the future 

I know I have to, but the fear of torpedoing another marriage is strong. She's so credit averse, and I know I' should've fessed up years ago, but as it was manageable at the time, and we didn't live together and it's all in my name, I just kept it to myself in the expectation that I would pay some of it off when I got my pay out from my ex wife, and then use the money I'm saving on those to snowball the rest, but as I've previously said, that payout still hasn't come and now I find myself in the hole I've dug for myself.

She will notice the calls, letters and also your behaviour.

Please don't underestimate how distressing it can be for a partner who has no idea why their other half is behaving differently (secret phone calls, letters being squirrels away, edgy).

It can very easily make someone feel very insecure and paranoid. Like the poster above said, your short term pain could lead to further long term trust issues in the relationship

andy26599

Well, first raft of payments missed now, so no going back. Had loads of phone calls, which I've blocked, and a few letters so far, but nothing too bad up to now. Just the "we've noticed you've missed a payment, can we help" type things.

Managed to put about £800 into my emergency fund so far, and will be able to hopefully do £1,000 a month into the the pot over the next couple of months, and expect that the £1,000 will be my total DMP payment if I can stick to the budget I've made for myself this month.

Just got to wait for the defaults to start and then I'm off on my DMP journey.

Andyjflet

Good Luck, hope this all works out well for you.