We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.
This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
The Forum now has a brand new text editor, adding a bunch of handy features to use when creating posts. Read more in our how-to guide
Silver lining...ex-partner brought out!
loopy136
Posts: 85 Forumite
Needed to have a space to unload the rollercoaster of the last year. So apologies here it is.
My partner moved out 9 years ago, it was slightly messy at the time and was compounded by him then taking credit cards out in my name. I was naive and honestly thought he was better than that, but he manipulated the situation to cover his tracks.
I continued paying the mortgage solo, then I started getting the 'red letters' once he had maxed out the cards and couldn't afford repayments, by this time he had blocked me, changed numbers and moved house several times.
I was unable to prove the credit wasn't mine as email verification had been done by him as he knew my passwords (if only someone had shook me to knock some sense in), so ended with several defaults. Spent years scrimping to get payments made and my credit rating was screwed.
Roll on 2023, i was scrolling facebook and he came up as 'someone i might know' i knew i had to jump at the chance of deleting him from my life. I contacted a legal team who said the best starting point would be to contact him informally (to avoid creating any defensive tension) to see if he would be willing to discuss removing him from the mortgage. He replied 'I am as long as it doesn't cost me a penny and get my money'.
Oh the joys of him being entitled to equity when he hasn't contributed, and that he was the cause my financial position meant i couldn't remove him before. I again sought legal advice who stated yes, to buy the ex partner we would be looking at 50% that is a starting point and they wouldn't settle at that. It took 8 months of negotiations with him delaying. Another 4 months to find a mortgage lender to take me on solo.
This week everything was finalised and he is now no longer connected to me in any way, the settlement ended up being 12%. Although it took a long time and now have a bigger mortgage to pay off i have a weight lifted from my shoulders.
I am starting a fresh, with my head held high. When i was going through this i searched for people in same or similar position and only found posts where the house was sold and split (this was never something i wanted to do). Its been an expensive lesson, and i've been burnt by having joint finances and too much trust in someone i had been with for 10 years, but so many lessons have been learnt.
Onwards and upwards, task for 2024 is to start living a life, and find that lost confidence. If you are still reading, bless you. Theres always a silver lining, just got to find it.
My partner moved out 9 years ago, it was slightly messy at the time and was compounded by him then taking credit cards out in my name. I was naive and honestly thought he was better than that, but he manipulated the situation to cover his tracks.
I continued paying the mortgage solo, then I started getting the 'red letters' once he had maxed out the cards and couldn't afford repayments, by this time he had blocked me, changed numbers and moved house several times.
I was unable to prove the credit wasn't mine as email verification had been done by him as he knew my passwords (if only someone had shook me to knock some sense in), so ended with several defaults. Spent years scrimping to get payments made and my credit rating was screwed.
Roll on 2023, i was scrolling facebook and he came up as 'someone i might know' i knew i had to jump at the chance of deleting him from my life. I contacted a legal team who said the best starting point would be to contact him informally (to avoid creating any defensive tension) to see if he would be willing to discuss removing him from the mortgage. He replied 'I am as long as it doesn't cost me a penny and get my money'.
Oh the joys of him being entitled to equity when he hasn't contributed, and that he was the cause my financial position meant i couldn't remove him before. I again sought legal advice who stated yes, to buy the ex partner we would be looking at 50% that is a starting point and they wouldn't settle at that. It took 8 months of negotiations with him delaying. Another 4 months to find a mortgage lender to take me on solo.
This week everything was finalised and he is now no longer connected to me in any way, the settlement ended up being 12%. Although it took a long time and now have a bigger mortgage to pay off i have a weight lifted from my shoulders.
I am starting a fresh, with my head held high. When i was going through this i searched for people in same or similar position and only found posts where the house was sold and split (this was never something i wanted to do). Its been an expensive lesson, and i've been burnt by having joint finances and too much trust in someone i had been with for 10 years, but so many lessons have been learnt.
Onwards and upwards, task for 2024 is to start living a life, and find that lost confidence. If you are still reading, bless you. Theres always a silver lining, just got to find it.
Hopeful optimistic.
16
Comments
-
Congratulations on your silver lining! Now you can move forward1
-
Well done for staying strong and getting g through it.
Good luck for the future.1 -
There are several people, well actually many, in your situation. Try having a look on mortgage free wannabees (MFW) and debt free (DFW). It is unfortunate that some people seem to think it is a good idea to leave people & then try to ruin their futures too. You can do this.
1 -
Well done OP, you have been so strong, I’m sure you have a great future to look forward to1
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply
Categories
- All Categories
- 353.6K Banking & Borrowing
- 254.2K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 455.1K Spending & Discounts
- 246.7K Work, Benefits & Business
- 603.1K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 178.1K Life & Family
- 260.7K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.7K Read-Only Boards