Slander by my school?

Dodgysailor

Dear all,

I went last month for a three days holidays with my wife and my son who has been a bit depressed over the last few months, for reasons that are not relevant.
We took these holidays in school time and we lied to the school saying that he was sick. Most of the class went to the school trip and he was not going to miss much so we decided to take a short trip. The principal suspected foul play and interrogated four of his friends one by one on his whereabouts with the excuse that he may be in danger and that the school was concerned about his whereabouts and his safety. Obviously these four kids have gone back to their parents telling them that the school is concerned about the welfare of their friend and that he may be in an unsafe environment. We have known the parents of these kids for many years and they have contacted us enquiring what is going on. We feel that we have been slandered by the school and are considering filing a complaint. Has anyone any advice on what we should do?

cymruchris

Dodgysailor said:

Dear all,

I went last month for a three days holidays with my wife and my son who has been a bit depressed over the last few months, for reasons that are not relevant.
We took these holidays in school time and we lied to the school saying that he was sick. Most of the class went to the school trip and he was not going to miss much so we decided to take a short trip. The principal suspected foul play and interrogated four of his friends one by one on his whereabouts with the excuse that he may be in danger and that the school was concerned about his whereabouts and his safety. Obviously these four kids have gone back to their parents telling them that the school is concerned about the welfare of their friend and that he may be in an unsafe environment. We have known the parents of these kids for many years and they have contacted us enquiring what is going on. We feel that we have been slandered by the school and are considering filing a complaint. Has anyone any advice on what we should do?

As much as things sound like they've been a bit rough - and hopefully you're all working your way through to a better place - lying to the school probably wasn't the best idea. The principal may have had genuine concerns - I'm sure they'll have heard many parents calling in to say their son or daughter isn't coming in because of X,Y and Z, and they have to make a judgement as to whether it's a genuine reason or whether there's more to it than meets the eye. 

It may very well be that they felt your 'reason' for taking your child out of school was questionable, and wanted to be sure that the child was ok, and hence asked around to see if any of your child's friends knew their whereabouts and if they were ok. I'm not sure where the school has 'slandered' you exactly. If 'a child' was being kept from school without good reason, I'd expect the staff to ensure the child was actually ok.

I think if I was in the position of having lied to the school to go on a holiday during term time, I personally would be inclined to keep my head down and let my child get on with next term, as these things have a nasty habit of being found out, and try to keep holidays to holiday periods next year (or get the relevant permissions otherwise). That's my own view - others might have a different viewpoint.

elsien

Stop lying to the school and then there won’t be an issue?

 If your son has been depressed and the school is aware of that, then perhaps they were looking out for him with their questions. 

I would suggest that the last thing your son might want is you making more of a fuss? 

Flugelhorn

Dodgysailor said:

The principal suspected foul play and interrogated four of his friends one by one on his whereabouts with the excuse that he may be in danger and that the school was concerned about his whereabouts and his safety. Obviously these four kids have gone back to their parents telling them that the school is concerned about the welfare of their friend and that he may be in an unsafe environment. We have known the parents of these kids for many years and they have contacted us enquiring what is going on. 

Not slander but I would be pretty furious if the school was discussing confidential matters with your child's friends - they had no need to do this, they could have just asked if they knew how how your child was etc - no need to discuss their concerns with them, school should have just contacted you. 

Devongardener

Your first step should be to discuss your concerns calmly with the head teacher to give them the chance to explain their actions , and you can explain your reasons for not telling the truth.  You could have applied to take your child out of school, and if denied just paid any fine.

LightFlare

How old are the children in question ?

Children typically have very selective memories over facts and also have a tendency to interpret things differently. They can also be led quite easily when asked questions in certain ways.

Be 100% of your facts before you start using words such as "slander" -- it could backfire massively

DullGreyGuy

You are going by 3rd hand information and we all know the impact of Chinese whispers.

As others have said, don't lie to the school and they won't have cause to investigate

baser999

elsien said:

Stop lying to the school and then there won’t be an issue?

 If your son has been depressed and the school is aware of that, then perhaps they were looking out for him with their questions. 

I would suggest that the last thing your son might want is you making more of a fuss? 

Agreed, if the school were aware of the depression they would naturally be concerned for his welfare; what do the school know of his problems? You say the reasons are not relevant but is that how the school see it? 

Spendless

Schools will report an absence to the LA if they don't believe a sickness is genuine. However they are obliged to put it as an authorised code in the register for I (for illness) unless they have reason to disbelieve you, in which case they need to tell you so. 

Unless there's safety concerns that you're not revealing, then the asking of friends was quite possibly to discover you were really on holiday report you as an unauthorised absence and send you a Fixed penalty notice (often called fine) about it.  Schools are under pressure from Ofsted for their attendance grades which is why they'll quiz any absence at all.

Unfortunately recuperation for MH isn't seen as 'needed' in the same way being off for something physical is. 

What to do. I wouldn't contact school about it. I would say to the parents of the school friends if they ask 'he was ill' and leave it at that. Also may I respectfully suggest if you think more time off is needed off school for MH issues that you join some internet/SM groups for this purpose. They will be aware of the difficulties surrounding this type of issue and best placed to advise.

Good luck MH problems in childhood certainly needs care, otherwise the problems can continue into adulthood.