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majestix

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fatbelly

I'll leave others to discuss the mortgage aspect as that's not my specialist subject.

However, on the unsecured debt aspect you may wish to post on debt-free wannabe. You will be told repeatedly not to secure that debt against the property as that would be hugely dangerous.

cardriver98

dump the mrs ??

Emmia

cardriver98 said:

dump the mrs ??

The issue is the Mrs has to take responsibility for her actions. What has she spent the money on? Is there anything that could be sold to start paying it off?

I'd probably make the budgeting/money discussion a monthly event including sharing credit files showing borrowing, debt etc.

If I've read it right, you took on a substantial amount of debt for her last time, don't do it again.

amnblog

Whatever else,

1. Do not secure any additional borrowing on your home.
2. Consult a good broker to clearly establish what your options are

jimjames

As per the above post, the first thing you need to do is to find out where your money is going. You've not said the mortgage amount just the equity but with £100k of income you should have plenty of scope to cut back in areas to reduce that debt quite rapidly. Obviously if your  mortgage takes up 70% of your income that won't apply but presumably the lender thought the loan was within your means.

ACG

Fair play on not flying off the handle. We do a lot of adverse mortgages, its not uncommon that it is usually down to one applicant rather than both. She may feel ashamed/embarrassed, but she definitely isnt the first person to be in this position and certainly wont be the last... It happens. 

Usually it is the men who are the bad ones and the women who take control and fix it. 

I am with amn, I do not think I would be securing more debt against your home. Something has to change for that to even be considered and at the minute still not being comfortable to show you the credit reports is a bit worrying. 

Im not sure what the answer is personally. I suppose it depends on what you both want and how affordable it is to remain. 

ElwoodBlues

Honestly, divorce. She won't get better, just drag you down with her. At least that way you'll only be lumbered with half of the current debt, rather than all of the future one.

gwynlas

Agree with others sort out the mortgage first. You have already managed to bring the overall level o debt down so you should be able to do this again despite the additional £7k. I really think that there is something wrong within your relationship for your wife to jeopardise the family security in this way or otherwise she's possibly got self esteem issues regarding spending. You should definetly be looking at coupleas counselling to address underlying issues and prevent her accusations of controlling when you try to intervene. It might be that you are the controlling partner in the relationship as we only have one side of the story but the reality is that this is preventing you both enjoying family life.

RelievedSheff

I would go and speak to a broker who specialises in adverse mortgages and see what options they have available for you.

As you probably know from last time an adverse application will take longer to get approved then a straight forward vanilla case and you don't have all that much time until March when your current deal will expire and you will drop onto the SVR which will be an expensive option.

You wife clearly has issues with spending that need to be sorted out but first and foremost you need to keep your mortgage payments as affordable as they can be to enable you to tackle her debt problem. 

You need to have some firm and frank conversations once the mortgage is sorted out.

Emmia

majestix said:

cardriver98 said:

dump the mrs ??

Ha! The thought had crossed my mind, but I think divorce would just make matters worse. Besides, I still love her a little bit..

mmia said:

The issue is the Mrs has to take responsibility for her actions. What has she spent the money on? Is there anything that could be sold to start paying it off?

If I've read it right, you took on a substantial amount of debt for her last time, don't do it again.

I have taken on a couple of her debts, and also some unforeseen circumstances (car issues, etc) which always seems to land at my feet - not to mention holidays, etc. 

The debt I mention above was acquired over 5/6 years, but no excuses.

We spoke during the middle of last year and I made clear that our situation would now require at least a year if not two of living without luxury, which she seemed fine with, until friends started texting for the next night out, etc - the minute I pipe up in protest I get the 'You're controlling'! retort.. - still, I chipped away at it - got rid of a chunk of outstanding debt, and now the bombshell of further unpaid debt which will now undoubtedly affect our mortgage renewal rate - and this has absolutely crushed me. 

But anyway, that's the last thing I'll say regarding the wife because I'm doing her a disservice and her qualities as a mother and a wife far outweigh this pretty horrible situation we find ourselves in. 

Another question, is there a way of accessing the equity in our home (90k) - other than securing a loan against the property OR selling our home (settling debts) and starting again?

Thanks

What is your wife's plan to tackle the debt? A second job? Selling things?

Or is the expectation that you'll bail her out (again) or the debt will be added to the mortgage?