Watty's Awakening

beanielou

Move near me.  Great equine vet & beautiful countryside. Lots to do. 

debtfreewannabe321

If you can afford where you live and the only thing that you want changing is riding routes I'd think hard about moving...it's super hard to relocate when you are older I think..I did it once when I was 23 and found friends easily and had a great time. I did it again when I was 26 and found it a struggle to find friends but eventually got a few... before relocating again 😁🤣 and barely made any that time. I relocated three more times and each time became harder. Although to be fair I added an extra child to a few moves so my friends circle became mum and baby groups rather than a drink down the pub....
But it's hard. 
Also you then have to make the new house 'home' and find new walks, shops, things to do. Etc etc. 

Could you afford a holiday home somewhere?
Perhaps that would give you options? Somewhere that you are able to take the horses for a lot holiday too? Or is that not a thing 🤣 I've only ever holidayed with a dog which thankfully I didn't need a horse box for 😁 but perhaps a holiday home with some land and great hacking and the ability to let it out when not in use? 

Slinky

We relocated when I was 55 to a beautiful town where we knew nobody, OH was 57. I retired having sold my business. 

Making new friends is hard! The few I've found have been through volunteering. Trouble is most of them are older than me; we don't have children, I need some younger friends also otherwise time could leave us friendless.  OH is still working, and doesn't really 'need' other people. If it wasn't for me and the friends I've found, he would only know some of the neighbours in passing. I guess it depends how outgoing you are. On the surface I appear to be, but inside I'm still the shy child who had to be bribed to go to parties. The two friends I have (although one has moved away but still visits several times a year and wants to move back) were both new to the area at the same time we moved here, and it was me making the suggestion we meet up to get to know each other that kicked things off.

I also 'leapt' on a lady I met at a different volunteering thing when she said she'd recently moved to the area and didn't know anybody! We meet up occasionally for coffee.

If we'd stayed where we were, I'd be struggling for friends as both my good friends passed away. One just before we moved, in her early 40s, and the other six months after we moved away. Both to the dreaded C.

Would the trade off of having nicer places to ride be worth it if you can't build a good social circle where you move to?

Suffolk_lass

debtfreewannabe321 said:

If you can afford where you live and the only thing that you want changing is riding routes I'd think hard about moving...it's super hard to relocate when you are older I think..I did it once when I was 23 and found friends easily and had a great time. I did it again when I was 26 and found it a struggle to find friends but eventually got a few... before relocating again 😁🤣 and barely made any that time. I relocated three more times and each time became harder. Although to be fair I added an extra child to a few moves so my friends circle became mum and baby groups rather than a drink down the pub....
But it's hard. 
Also you then have to make the new house 'home' and find new walks, shops, things to do. Etc etc. 

Could you afford a holiday home somewhere?
Perhaps that would give you options? Somewhere that you are able to take the horses for a lot holiday too? Or is that not a thing 🤣 I've only ever holidayed with a dog which thankfully I didn't need a horse box for 😁 but perhaps a holiday home with some land and great hacking and the ability to let it out when not in use? 

You could look at a field somewhere (that you can take your horse-box to, with the groom accommodation in) and "camp" while you explore, then come home to your lovely life and community ? 

daisy_1571

I'm gonna need a bigger hoover     

Dxxx 😆 

Bargainhunter30

Have you though about horse holidays without your horses Watty? My old boss goes all over the world and does things like animal counts  in Africa on horses. She loves it and now you have fell pony lady, could she help out if you go away? 

Watty1

Your comments are really helpful.  I think I could make new friends but I do appreciate it would be hard to do so and a lot of effort for someone who is shy.  I'm not sure the VNM is that bothered by friends although he has a few.

I think part of the attraction is also releasing some cash but the more I look at properties I'm not sure how possible that really is as I seem to be finding possible houses for the same as I would get for mine (although in much nicer locations).

I'm also thinking moving comes with costs so I might be better staying put for a while maybe. Decisions decisions (I admit I did google the cost of three horse boxes so I could take all 3 away with me and the sort of box with living etc so that we could camp in style LOL)

LadyWithAPlan

daisy_1571 said:

I'm gonna need a bigger hoover     

Dxxx 😆 

daisy_1571 said:

Lwap, that is mind-boggling,  I don't know which is more awful - those prices or the fact those prices seem acceptable to estate agents/buyers/peoplein general.  London really is very skewed dont you think?

Dxx

Daisy if you want to hoover mine it will only take 10 mins  

Yes ! Hence my delay tactics … £1m by me would buy a 2bed leasehold …
(actually I just popped a £2m price tag in RM and I found a semi detached but small rooms 4 bed for that ) or a 1300 sq  meter terraced house, no garden but a roof terrace. But in a dodgy road .

And the service charges my friends are getting charged .. my hairdresser started at £600 pa and now it’s £4k pa and they don’t have a lift, garden or gym ! 

Another friend In london owns an ex council - 2 bed with small patio in a block with maybe a foot of greenery at front - now £230 per month arrive .. 

so I am doing all I can to not buy leasehold .. you have no control 

@watty1 I have had friends move away from london for space etc and if they a family or couple it’s much easier - single friends of mine now are desperate to come back in - it’s harder to make friends etc and there is a lot to be said for the community you build - wherever it is 

@slinky sorry for your loss 

Watty1

LaPlan's comment about "community" reminded me of an exercise I did in coaching some years ago.  Take a blank sheet of paper and write your support network/friendship group down.    When I did it, I was encouraged to write everything that helped my life run as was.   I'm going to do that again as I have a sense that might really focus my mind on what I actually have here and how grateful I am I have that.    

The last time I did this I was with PPH so it is a really great idea to do an updated version.  

Watty1

So I drew my network down and there are a lot of people in that from the local farmer who always offers a kind word and advice when needed, the farrier I have know over 30 years, the friends that have come into my life since PPH and I split, the neighbour who will always help out with the horses, the Fell Pony's person who turned out when I went away before Christmas, the friends who live a long way away and those I don't see very often but should see  more off.    I left work off because this was about reviewing my life outside of work because work would come with me.   (I have the VNM but I drew out my life that I have built and yes he is part of that and if I moved he would come too because we discussed that but this was about looking at MY life on a piece of paper).

What I saw is a world of lovely people, not all are friends but they all contribute to my life and means that when I get up in the morning I don't feel alone or wonder "how to" or "if I can make it through the day"

I also reflected on things like the country house hotel down the road where in my worst times with PPH I would go and write letters to myself because I was so lonely and writing the letters helped me think.   For the price of a pot of tea, the staff were charming, there was peace in the beautiful gardens or a log fire in winter.   Then there is the community cafe in the next village, the local charity shop where I regularly drop off clutter and add to it by finding bargains and laughing with the staff,  a local pub I rarely visit due to time pressures but is there, the social club my membership lapsed but where the girls and I used to go to bingo and a church I can walk across the field too that holds concerts and Saturday morning coffee and cake for £3

The riding is the issue. When I moved here there were miles of permissive tracks and the farmer has withdrawn permission and will not reinstate (I have asked, and I understand his reasons, frustrating though they are for me)

What I realised is that "community" is really important and I want to take all this and put it somewhere I don't have to work and with glorious countryside riding from my doorstep.   Community is more than just the odd friend but the bit of the world right outside the door.     So there we have it.      I don't think I want to lose what I have here and move to The New Forest, Cumbria, Yorkshire or Wales (they were destinations I liked after looking on RM where I would get all I wanted for what I have) and start again to build that.     

So for now I will stay in the South East, continue doing up the house and rebuilding my finances after PPH and work to free some time up so me and a horse can go out in the lorry.