From Frugal Foundations to Fortified Family Future

Greying_Pilgrim

Good Morning MSE'rs!

Difficult to know what day it is today - first day back at school so feels like a Monday, but having to tell myself it's a Wednesday - and of course, LG needed all their 'Wednesday' kit, rather than their 'Monday kit' 🙄  Feeling like parenting is an ongoing aptitude test this morn! 🤣

Right, so I don't think I am going to be able to achieve any allocations to my savings pots today - after yesterday's 'spectacular'.  One thing that I did do last night was to count up the 10p's that had been the majority coinage in the near forgotten about 'piggy bank' (the one that had 2 stray £1 coins that were re-homed into the 'C4C' jar).  These 10p's were pretty much a legacy of lockdown. 

I was amazed (and yet not; RT is right, change does add up) to discover that there was over £15 in 10p's in there!  I purposely counted them out of LG's sight, because whilst I didn't think there was going to be that much, I was aware that it would be something that can - ultimately - find it's way into the trips fund.  But of course, LG would have wanted to add it all in yesterday!  And whilst there is great store in the addage of 'a bird in the hand is worth.......', there is also the potential to 'peak twirly' and lose incentive.  Our increments to pay for the camping trip over the next 5 months are; £30, £15, £15, £15 and £15, hence my feeling that this is a mini-marathon, not a sprint.  So the bagged up cash has been squirreled away to be banked - and it will be added in to totals at a later date.  My initial thought it actually keep it on the back burner to be available for the school trip.  Saving for the camping trip has captured LG's imagination on several levels, so perhaps it is better to focus on that, and get them into the spirit of saving up for what we want in life, and then perhaps saving for 'pedestrian' stuff like educational (in it's narrowest definition) trips will become second nature too.  

Tea this evening will be a curry plate. I was going to do the 'traditional' curry, dhal and boiled rice.  But I would be better served having a look at what we've got in abundance (potatoes anyone?) and making up the plate from that. If I make something utilising the potatoes, then I won't boil up any rice.  

Right, I don't think there is anything else MSE related to report - I must admit that our new energy provider is SUCH an improvement on BG - even without a smart meter!  We are keeping our end of the bargain and remembering to provide meter readings on the set date and our online account is updated, and clear to read and understand.  We are currently in credit - not by a huge amount, but in credit we are, so that is a relief.  

Oh, not directly linked to MSE, but one of my goals for this year is to drastically reduce my 'exasperatedness' about anything/everything.  It's difficult to measure/report on.  Shaving £100 or 15% off your mortgage is tangible - whereas 'did I erupt unnecessarily today?' is less so........  I am also my own harshest critic, which isn't always helpful in gaining perspective.  However, The past 4 days or so I have been much more mindful of my behaviour.  Have I been angelic and perfect?  Sadly no.  Have I made mistakes still?  Heck yes.  Has improvement occurred?  Yes, it has. 

A minimum of 361 days still to go, but I've detected a slight improvement in my behaviour - so I really, really want to continue and achieve my goal.

Thanks for you ongoing support.  I remain extremely appreciative.  Greying X

edinburgher

What a fabulous goal Greying, I love it, may try to join you

Greying_Pilgrim

Good Morning MSE'rs

ed - I really needed to take a long hard look at my way of being, primarily because of those around me, but also I can't for one moment think that being permanently 'exasperated' is good for one's health 🤔 And whilst it is true we have faced all the 'big' life events in recent years, (with the exception of divorce, but throw in a dreadful neighbour, and it must amount to similar stress levels...) there is no way I should have allowed myself to have remained so 'wound up'.   

I've noticed that by having it as a 'goal' I have started to 'stop' myself - and the upshot is I am much calmer.  OK, so in the past few days, we haven't had major dramas to deal with, but baby steps and all that.... I am after all trying to stop an exasperated reaction being my default - not just in 'fight or flight' scenarios.  There was an interesting 'Pause for Thought' on R2 this morning, which talked about new starts, new places and taking the time to change direction - so........ 

Yesterday was a calmer day - I did notice myself getting ready to snap a couple of times, but stopped.  So progress rather than perfection.....

I didn't find any money, nor save any money yesterday, but then I did have a nsd, so financial balance achieved, if nowt else.  I won't have a nsd today, as it is shopping day.  I don't have an extensive list, so technically could defer until tomorrow/Saturday, but we are low on milk, and the c0-op is more expensive - so as long as I stick.to.my.list. I should have a small shop/low expense week - and if I follow my plan, I should have some pennies to add to the 'C4C' jar when I get home - but I'm not counting it until I come home 😉

More sorting and tidying is on the cards today.  I am trying to actually 'find homes' for stuff, rather than move things from pillar to post which is a favoured technique of DH and LG 🙄 but we have less space here, so organisations is going to be key.....

Oh, I forgot - I did 're-purpose' a couple of things yesterday.  A friend gave us a very lovely foodie item for Chrimbo, which came in a most gorgeous presentation box, beautifully wrapped up.  By carefully unpackaging, I have got a lovely box for putting crafting bits and pieces in in the future, and the ribbon and part of the card will be wonderful additions to the crafted pieces for the '24 charity' items.  So I won't get to use them yet, but carefully stored them away for later in the year. It's mindful re-purposing and will save money in the longer term, so will contribute to my overall MSE goals.

Right, really best get shifting a tail feather. 

Greying X 

Greying_Pilgrim

Right,  shopping done at MrL's.

Full confession, I did not stick to my list 🥹However, a couple of the 'extra' things I purchased were at such good prices, they will save money in the long(er) term.

So my shopping came to £26.32 - which in no way reflects a 'normal' weekly shop - even in MrL's.  I purposely only went for the 'basics', but benefitted from coming across a whole tray of C0untryl1fe 'spreadable' which had been YS'd by 60% - so at £1.10 for a 500g tub, actually made it 15p cheaper than the olive spread that I normally buy.  BB date was Jan '24, so I bought one to use and one to freeze.  I also bought 1 box of bulghar wheat which was YS'd 30%, so it was 87p.  We don't eat it all the time, but do eat it and given that LG isn't overly keen on tatties, gives another option as a stew accompaniment.  It isn't out of date until 2025 anyway.  I also picked up a (small) bottle of fA1ry liquid - apple - that had been YS'd 30% to 69p.  I normally buy the bigger bottles, but we do the dishes by hand, so it will be useful.  Then in terms of special offers - they had an offer on the fresh0nA tinned pineapple (slices or chunks) and tinned peach slices - 6 tins for £3, so 50p a tin.  Whilst I use the simply tinned peaches rather than the fresh0na, I thought that the pineapple was a good price, will keep and is something that we use - either for puddings or for 'never fail' fruitcake.  I did check with the till operative that the offer was still on (it was) before I purchased, as I think the pineapple is something like £1.09 a tin?  I also dropped on some YS'd wholemeal baps, so got them as well.

So if I hadn't bought any of ^ I would have been much closer to the £20 which I had as a notional target, but I don't regret purchasing any of the above, as we will use/enjoy them, and they will save us money.

 What I purposely left 'off' my list today was a bottle of wine.  A friend had very kindly gifted us a (nice) bottle of wine as a house-warming gift and so I had planned to leave wine off my shopping list today, DH & I will enjoy the wine with a meal over the weekend, and I will put the £4 I would have spent on a bottle of red into the 'C4C' jar.  I am not expecting this to be a regular occurence....... 😉🤣

Greying X

Fortune_Smiles

How lovely to 'see' you back @Greying_Pilgrim and with wonderful news of a new home.  We wish you much happiness and success in achieving your goals.

Do be kind to yourself.  We are only human after all.  I think our personalities lead us to behave in a certain way and some believe that personality cannot be changed.  However, behaviour can be chosen and I admire you for identifying a change you'd like to make and working at it.  It's not an easy process though so please do forgive yourself if things don't go entirely to plan.  Imagine a good friend is trying to make these changes.  What would you say to them when mistakes were made?

Scaling can be a useful measure for less tangible goals eg on a scale of 1 to 10, how exasperated do I usually feel?  On a scale of 1 to 10 how exasperated do I want to feel? (realistically) and, on a scale of 1 to 10, how exasperated have I felt today:

Focussing on behaviours can help with measurement too.  What do I think, feel, say, do when I'm feeling exasperated?  How many times have I thought, felt, said, done those things today?

By the way, although I respect the personal changes you'd like to make, I have never met Mrs Shrieky Greying.  I've only met Mrs Kind, Thoughtful, Caring Greying so remember she is a big part of you.

Fortune x

Greying_Pilgrim

Thank you Fortune - I'm not sure I am worthy of your kind words, but thank you.  

The 'scoring' is a good idea - it lends some tangibility to 'was i better or worse behaved than yesterday/last Thursday/last time I checked?'.  I will use that going forward.  Thank you.

I suspect 'Family Greying' have witnessed the majority of 'Mrs Shrieky's' outings 🙁  Which is grossly unfair, as neither DH nor LG have really ever been the root cause of my stressing.  And whilst I suppose it's human nature to be worst behaved in front of those that you love, and who love you the most - I wish I'd behaved better.  

Still, accentuating the positive for a moment, I'm pretty sure I know 'why' I got to where I did (and no, it doesn't make it excusable, but it does aid understanding), so I know for certain that I am currently stood in a place that is offering a wonderful 'fresh start', our efforts will benefit Family Greying first and foremost, and we are back in majority control of our lives and the direction we'd like to go.  Whilst there shouldn't (hopefully) be as many reasons to get as 'wound up as the town hall clock' going forward, being aware of my behaviour and keeping it on an even keel should allow us to enjoy family life much more.  I can't change the past, but I am learning from it.  I should also add, that whilst it wasn't in any way the main factor, I can't ignore that I am a 'woman of a certain age', and changes in our endocrinology that occur around this time in our lives do, regretfully have an impact which you can't always hold much sway over.  I hope I'm not appearing to make excuses - I'm just keen to  do better in future, and avoid repeating past responses/behaviours.

Greying X

Fortune_Smiles

Oh my Greying - you are absolutely right about the impact of hormones. I remember when I first started to go into peri-menopause. One minute I would be sitting on the sofa watching television - calm, relaxed and normal. Next minute it was as though someone had flicked a switch and turned me to 'murder mode'! Poor Mr F got the brunt of it of course but I did explain what was happening so at least he didn't take it personally. He's still here at least 😂 Maybe think about it as behaviour that hinders you in reaching your goals and review how much progress you're making towards more helpful behaviour. Bad behaviour does sound a little criminal and you're not as bad as all that 😂 Fortune x

Greying_Pilgrim

Good Evening MSE'rs!

Right, I have had a lovely day today, so....

I am going to give my behaviour a 8/10 - with the rider that to my knowledge, there weren't any sabre toothed tigers padding about the back garden, threatening to eat us up - so I haven't exactly had any "stress" to deal with......  But keep an even-ish keel I did.  I did spot a moment this afternoon where I might normally have shrieked, but caught the reaction and as I opened my mouth, my tone immediately moderated to 'normal' 😉

I haven't added any Pounds to the Panes fund, but before I could even mention my 'saving' in the supermarket to LG - they brought the 'C4C' jar into the living room and rather pointedly said, "Muuuuuumm, do you realise that we haven't put anything into this jar for 2 whole days........"  (See - told ya I'd created a MSE monster 🤣) Anyhoo, they were delighted that I had managed to conjour up a saving and were delighted to add the £4 to the jar themselves.  So that total is now at £17/30 for the month.  

Tea this evening was omlette, mashed potatoes (plus some 15p swede incorporated), baked beans and steamed sweetcorn.   LG was rather leisurely in the time they took to eat their tea, but they did eat it all up and didn't complain about the swede as I thought they might.  The tatties were still from the 15p bags (only have a few left now), the eggs needed to be used before the weekend and the baked beans were MrAl essentials.  Greek yoghurt for dessert.

Today I am grateful for these 3 things;

Support and understanding
no rain!
discovering stashed xmas chocolate - it is LG's but will eke out the after-school snacks for another week! 😁👍

Ta for popping in and for your support - I am sooooo grateful.

Greying X

FlacosFloozie

Be kind to yourself greying and don't underestimate the impact of peri. It was only when I started HRT that I realised how anxious I'd been feeling. It crept up so gradually I didn't realise until it was gone.

maggiem

Just found you again Greying and it’s made my morning. Lovely to read of your new home and hope you will all be very happy there. Your comments about shrieking have made me review my own behaviour recently and think I need to work on staying calm. Wouldn’t life be good if we were all a little kinder, to others and ourselves too?

Good luck with the saving for windows too. We renewed our double glazed windows recently too, well November 2022 (30 years old we think) and for 14 windows we spent £8640. He was a local installer but we’ve been very pleased with the results.