From Frugal Foundations to Fortified Family Future

Cheery_Daff

Big hugs Greying. I too struggle with similar issues sometimes as you may know (and Mr C works rather intermittently so isn't usually toiling in the coalfields).

We have recently started a few sessions of couples counselling to try to resolve some of the underlying tensions, partly around unequal sharing of workloads, amongst other things. I don't think I've shared that on here but I'm mentioning it now not because I'm necessarily suggesting it for you, but so you, and others reading, now 'know' someone who's doing it. I didn't know anyone who'd ever done it, although I'd had lots of individual counselling, so it felt VERY weird at first, but a few sessions in, it's helping 😊 Mr C wasn't keen initially, but I was very much reaching the end of my tether and I think he could see that so for us, this was a good option. 

(Happy to talk more about the process if anyone's every considering it and wants a view from someone who's doing it)

Anyway, of course you are allowed to moan away on your own diary lovely Greying! Xx

themadvix

Greying_Pilgrim said:

tmv - thank you.  DH definitely doesn't have the confidence, and yet sometimes, he's done stuff and it's worked out OK.  Occasionally he's got things resolved, where I know had i taken up the cudgel, I would just have lost my rag and not got the situation resolved.  But at the moment he's let himself slide into a work, eat, sleep routine and there's never anytime to discuss things with him, or get his opinion, or agreement to do things.  I suppose I feel I'm in a bit of a vaccuum making decisions, financial or otherwise, and I know if I get it wrong - or it gets messed up by an organisation, I'll get the blame too.  Harrumph!  🤣

Anyway, the school run provided an 'eye-popping' situation this morning - I won't discuss further, as it wasn't my rodeo, but suffice to say that with that, and your kind and supportive comments, the morning has taken on a brighter hue.  Thank you.

Greying X

I hear you - we definitely have periods like this in this house too - when work is too much and I'm left to do all the rest, even with my own work to do. I totally understand how frustrating this is - you have my sympathy. And I find it really grates in a way that you wouldn't expect it to (you'll find me swearing at the dishwasher quite often because emptying it/loading it seems a never-ending job when you are the only one doing it! (Appreciate that a) you don't have a dishwasher and b) Mr GP doesn't shirk his duties in this department, but it's illustrative of the fact that work can be all absorbing and leave me with dealing with life!)).

KajiKita

And then there's nonsensical situation, where I feel guilty for sitting on the sofa and doing something I want to do (reading, crafting etc.) for once, while Mr KK cooks dinner .... 🙄🤣 I have to give myself a VERY firm talking to and remind myself that I generally cook for both of us 5 to 6 nights a week ...

KK

themadvix

KajiKita said:

And then there's nonsensical situation, where I feel guilty for sitting on the sofa and doing something I want to do (reading, crafting etc.) for once, while Mr KK cooks dinner .... 🙄🤣 I have to give myself a VERY firm talking to and remind myself that I generally cook for both of us 5 to 6 nights a week ...

KK

Yes! This!!! Absolutely!!

EssexHebridean

This is clearly a situation that a LOT of us are familiar with isn't it! I'm very much the instigator in our household too - I've said on many occasions that if it wasn't for me we'd never go anywhere or do anything! The deal with us is that I do the lions share of that sort of stuff - and do it willingly because after all I'm the one who works part time  albeit that breaks down into the four full days (same hours as him) with the one day off - but on the odd occasions I ask him for input, or to deal with something specific, I do then expect that he will step up and do that thing without grumbling or being reluctant. And yes, sometimes that doesn't quite come off, and words are had! He's also very good at acknowledging that I do the "organising" stuff because I'm better at it - and that acknowledgement helps.

Assuming MrGP isn't firmly on t'naughty step and getting nothing more in his stocking but coal, how about making something with LG to pop in - I saw a gorgeous recipe for festive chocolate "bark" - incredibly easy but looked really good. Just milk, white and dark chocolate spread out on baking parchment and rippled together, then topped with festive sprinkles and perhaps small festival cookie type biscuits, I think some crushed candy canes sprinkled over for "sparkle" too - I think the person in the recipe used mini gingerbread men as the biscuit element.  would be easily done while he was at work, and would be at least a good space filler, if he has a sweet tooth? 

Greying_Pilgrim

Thank you all for stopping by and sharing your situations, and ideas.  

In no particular order - yes, I think DH is still... "feeling the effects" of being ill.  He's tons better, but his ear still isn't "right", and so he'll get more niggled as a result.  It doesn't help that work is "work" and whilst there are several bases, it's the age old issue of pros and cons whichever site.  There's freedom and rigidity, fab folk, awful folk, top-notch equipment and antiquated tat that is hard to use and takes a toll on a body....... All the usual things really.  Never say never, but DH is at the wrong end of his career to think about moving positions, in the same field.  If he wants to move out of his field, his options would be a shelf stacker at a supermarket - nothing wrong with that, and the pay wouldn't be "significantly" less per hour, but DH wouldn't be happy - even though he's actually quite a good 'people' person.   

I don't think DH realises how negative he sounds when he says 'have you done this, have you done that', and frankly, he has no clue when he says, 'ring them up, find out what's going on' about any company - utility, HMRC, pensions, broadband - he literally has no clue how long you're on hold - same with chat bots.  Nothing is easy to sort out anymore.  And yes, much can be done online, but sometimes, sometimes it can help to speak to a human - although I accept that that is diminishing as your call handler is based in Lithuania, and not your hometown of Luton, and has absolutely no idea if the power has gone out along Acacia Avenue, and why should they?

I have just brought the rest of the washing in.  I was pleased that it had made significant progress whilst I walked into Greying Town - it really is a 'washday wind' here today - so I put some of the uniform and some of the dryish smalls in front of the dehu, and left the bulk of the clothes out.  But we've just had the silliest "little" shower, light rain, but combined with the breeze, very wetting, and it was in danger of undoing all the progress this morning.  Trouble is, there is no room in front of tehe dehu, so it's alot of a nuisance.  I promised LG we could put the tree up this afternoon - I'm regretting that choice ☹️  We haven't got much room anyway, but it's going to have to be the tree or the washing 🫤

I'm not worried about our 'jobs split' in the marriage, and I only resent having to do the 'paperwork' side of things when DH won't at least engage his brain, and sort of support me starting the process.  I don't mind writing the emails, or doing the phone calls or whatever, but I do resent the lack of support when things go wrong (which - let's face it they do, even for the best of us), or when a lofty, "ring them up" is offered as a contribution.  Funnily enough part of this morning's discontent stemmed from DH moaning that he had to listen to me trying to mention something regarding an email I had received about a utility supply issue, and help LG with their homework, and the washing up hadn't been done 🙄 His mind was already at work, and what the day might bring in terms of disrespect from a colleague, or the mismanagement of the work schedule.  

DH has probably spent the morning feeling carp about how he left the house today, LG has already mentioned that they regret upsetting their beloved papa, so it's all a big waste of time really.........

Certainly we can have a look at 'making something' EH, edible or otherwise.  LG is really rubbish at keeping things as a surprise, but it's a good idea, I'll give it some thought.  

DH would be deathly uncomfortable attending couple's counselling - and I know for a fact he would sight the fact that someone his family once knew, in the last century, worked for a counselling service.  And yes, dear reader, I too suspect this person is - long since retired - if not (more likely) "no longer with us".  But I would bet £5 that is the first thing DH would clutch as a reason why we shouldn't - we might be allocated "the family friend from 40+ years ago" 🙄  If I insisted, he would attend, but I shall be honest, and say that I'm not truly comfortable in the counselling process, although I have undertaken it, when a boss I worked with completely undermined any shred of confidence I had, and I totally lost 'me'.  

You will be pleased to know that I have dropped a note around to our neighbour to try to get to the bottom of a utility query that has arisen.  They work odd hours, so a polite note is possibly the best starting point.  I have also walked into Greying Town and sorted out contact details as we will be changing telecoms provider, and a couple of places still have several contact options. 

Thanks for your support.  Appreciated.  Always.  Greying X

KajiKita

Thanks for the detailed response GP 😊

I disagree that this morning’s discomfort for all three of you was ‘a waste of time’. Sometimes it can be helpful for things to boil over, just a little, so new boundaries can be set, upsetting behaviours understood and appreciation voiced - hoping that’s the outcome for the GP clan this evening x

KK

Greying_Pilgrim

KK - perhaps waste of energy would be a better phrase.  But i take your point, sometimes the pot needs to let a little steam off to carry on cooking thoroughly, so yes, possibly needed, and it was as "controlled" as these things can be.  No one careered off at high-speed, or started throwing things around.  And yes, I rather suspect that a few "sorry" "sorry" and "sorry's" will be proffered around and everyone will kiss and make up 😁🙄🤣

Greying X

rtandon27

Kiss and make up is the best part of it dear GP

Greying_Pilgrim

Right, I'm back on to update with some better witterings 😁

DH had sorted out to finish early from work (before all this morning's shenanigans), so he came home at lunchtime.  We tidied up a bit and then he went to get LG 😁 Our lovely neighbour helped us with our query, and despite them saying 'they didn't know', they actually solved a puzzle for us, and were most helpful 😁  We don't see them often (they are out and about), but we get on well with them - in the context of being neighbours not in each others pockets iyswim.  They also enquired who we'd had to fit the windows, so maybe extra business will be garnered there.  

So, everyone was home, it was the end of term, and I'd said to LG that we'd put up the tree 😁  I stuck to my word - such things are important - and so we all, for the first time, put up the tree together.  And, whilst we have a small tree, LG put the star on the top by themselves 😱 it seems like a nanosecond ago that DH was lifting LG up to put the star on the tree 😱

Tea will be veggie sausage hot dogs and chips.  A cheat, but family time decorating the tree took priority.

Apologies, kisses and hugs have taken place.  All is now well Chez Greying.  Utilities will be sorted out in time.  We are 'decorated' for Christmas and all speaking (in "conversational" voices) to each other again 😁  LG and DH are watching 'The Grinch' and I'd better head into the kitchen to put the tea on....... (I make it sound like a chore, don't I? 🤣).

Ta for your support. Super appreciated.  Greying X