From Frugal Foundations to Fortified Family Future

Greying_Pilgrim

ladybird - pre LG, DH and I spent one Christmas day cycling around a forest, and had our Christmas 'lunch' on a picnic bench, just off the car park.  Not everyone's cup of tea, I appreciate - but we enjoyed it. Put against the first Christmas we were together as a couple, and we had to do the rounds of the rellies..... not quite 'Vicar of D-esque' levels of grub, but certainly the expectation...... it was a horrid way to spend a day ☹️

inod - programming.  Yes, that's it, isn't it?

I wonder whether a rule of thumb might be (to determine what - if anything - I am denying LG) - "what would they go round to someone else's house for (eg on Christmas), because it's better than at home".  So, say for example, if a family had a HUGE gathering of "family" (inc chosen and blood), that might attract LG, as it's just the 3 of us knocking about.  Say a family had huge mountains of gifts for everyone - that might attract LG.  Say if LG loved singing, and chums were on 'duty' at the cathedral - that may be a pull.  Naturally the best of both worlds would be that LG takes a little of "home" and embraces new ways or doing or traditions.  That's probably the best I can hope for.

Greying X

rtandon27

Dearest GP - tradition is what you make it! 

OH & I have long given up on either an Xmas or New Year's meal or even trying to recreate the traditions of our youth - we had one or two years back when I first moved here that we attempted it - once was for his parents and we really did enjoy it.  After that we tried going out for a meal and it was not to our taste as stuffed to the gills is just not our thing!  Now on Xmas day we have a buffet of bits and pieces put out on the dining table for all day grazing.  Personally I start off the day with a half tube of Pr!ngles and finish the day with the other half.  We stay in our PJs and watch TV or read books. 

Inbetween the 25th and the 1st, we wander into a store or two and pick up all the weird and wonderful yellow stickered bits, including some sort of bird or joint and then have Twixmas which is exactly a Sunday roast with veg and roasties, so again not super special or different.  This is something we developed over the years and suits us, but I realize that most of our friends in RL just don't get why we don't make more effort to do our celebrations on the actual days! - but for us it is TRADITION and we would not change it just to suit other more popular opinions of the 'right' way to do things!

Greying_Pilgrim

rt - I am in awe of your ability to make an opened tin of prin-gulls last two sittings!  doesn't matter if they are dupes or the real thing in our house - GONE! 🫤  Maybe I need to ask Santa for a resistance upgrade.....😂

Greying X

badmemory

Stop worrying.  In all my 79 years (well 78) of christmas's there is only one that I have not enjoyed.  There have been ones at the grandmother's I didn't like, one's at the grandmother's I did like & just about everything in between from catering for 14 to now down to catering for 2 (me & DS).  The one I did not enjoy was the one we went to a restaurant for.  Presents were always limited even when it wasn't fashionable so that was not the lure.

dreaming

Interesting to hear of people's traditions. There does seem an belief that "everyone" has the same traditions and the supermarkets in particular push the "order your must have Christmas food now" angle (obviously for the customers' well-being and not looking at profit margins at all:*). It came as quite a shock as I grew up and visited other people more to realise that not everyone followed the same patterns as our family did *either at Christmas or any other time), and especially when first married trying to incorporate both sides when I did hosted my first family Christmas dinner nearly broke me mentally and financially. Many years later, no longer married and with a few recent years of family difficulties and bereavement behind us, my daughter (who lives alone as well) enjoy our Christmas with a "nice meal with a sparkly tree in the corner" (as she calls it). This is usually beef (neither of us like turkey), but we always have (lots of) pigs in blankets, and never Xmas pudding (again neither of us like it and we are usually too full for pudding). This is followed by a short walk and then a fierce game of Trivial Pursuit. Sometimes this happens on Christmas Day, sometimes a day or so either side, but whenever it is we both agree that it is far more enjoyable. The only tradition I probably follow is that each year I make the Xmas cake (which we then cut in half to share), and each year I say that I am not going to make it next year (until November comes round). Other people have called me miserable as I prefer a low key life but I was far more miserable trying to live up to everyone elses' expectations of what constituted a good time when I cared what they thought of me.

Greying_Pilgrim

dreaming - it's awful that you were made miserable trying to meet others expectations.  

I like the theory of 'doing something nice for ourselves' - whatever that 'nice' looks like for us.  

Greying X  

rtandon27

Greying_Pilgrim said:

rt - I am in awe of your ability to make an opened tin of prin-gulls last two sittings!  doesn't matter if they are dupes or the real thing in our house - GONE! 🫤  Maybe I need to ask Santa for a resistance upgrade.....😂

Greying X

I'm well amused that you think two sittings is self-control!  We are not the type who have any control with 'junk' food! It is the only day in the entire year that we allow the tube into the house! - and as it's only once a year that they enter the house we 'splurge' for the real thing - OH makes his tube last out a week - mine is gone in less than 24 hours.  Then I regret it for the next 24...

dreaming

Greying_Pilgrim said:

dreaming - it's awful that you were made miserable trying to meet others expectations.  

I like the theory of 'doing something nice for ourselves' - whatever that 'nice' looks like for us.  

Greying X  

Oh thank you for that, but I wasn't aware at the time of how miserable I was. I probably should have said "stressed" as for a long time I tried really hard to conform to what I thought, and others around me seem to renforce, what was "normal" but although appearing to be having a jolly good time, I would go home and just feel flat. It was only through age and experience that I realised I could just opt out, and once I did other people confided in me that they felt much the same. I think you do a good job with LG (I've lurked about your threads from before that time and you inspired me to have a go at some middle Eastern recipes I recall). You are giving them good, solid family support and security but also allowing them to grow and try new experiences. It can't be easy on a tight budget, and I'm sure there will come a time when they kickback a bit, but equally there is likely to be a time when what they remember is the being together rather than the "stuff" they did or didn't have. Just don't mention Mr Frosty to my 43 year old daughter

ladybird1106

Oooo I always wanted a MR Frosty for Christmas, was always disappointed Christmas morning that I didn’t get one
love 

Greying_Pilgrim

It's interesting actually dreaming - about how we come to conclusions about things - perhaps 'not being for us' or the way we want to continue.  It still (to this day) takes a little bit of courage to step to the side, or step back, or opt out.  Although I am finding it interesting in the queue at the school gates - overhearing (never wigging), conversations of parents and carers - who are significantly younger than me - coming to the same conclusion about things.  Whether it's needing to turn off the heating, as it's being wasted, the fact that school expect you to rustle up money for trips at the drop of a hat, or expect a costume/mufti day - wearing specific colours etc etc.  

Mr Frosty was heavily advertised in the 1980's and 90's - that was the ice crusher/slushy maker, wasn't it?  I always wondered where you'd get the spare colouring gels/additives for those - it all looked so easy and professional in the ads, didn't it?

Greying X