Watching my mindset shift and nudging it slightly along the way...

Rud0lf

This is definitely hard to avoid thinking about near to the start of your journey after your lightbulb moment.  Now that I've been working on getting rid of debt for a while I tend to reframe it being thankful I'm getting out of debt now while I still have time to change my mindset and start saving for early retirement. We're at a similar stage in life although my children are still in school. Realising at this age and getting rid of debt is not too late. I'll be following your journey, good luck xx

bigbeff

What does FIRE stand for? I also regretted not having a LBM earlier, but there is nothing we can do, you have had it now and you are working things out. 

Keep taking time for yourself, I realised thinking too hard about my situation meant I’d get myself in a miserable rut, so make time for yourself and your hobbies, get the balance right, you will get there. I started with similar amount of CC/loan debt, and I should pay mine off next month. It’s a long slog, but it is achievable.

everypennytowardsfire

Thank you both. I am just working my way through both your diaries by the way Well done on all your progress so far - I'm inspired! Oh to be only a month or even less than a year away from being debt free...

@Rud0lf I agree that it's not too late and despite feeling down or frustrated occasionally I too am thankful that while my various LBMs didn't come as early as they could have done, they have eventually and hopefully there is still time to turn things around. I guess what doesn't help sometimes is when I compare myself to other people (who might have started their DFW journeys way before me or perhaps have always been frugal for one reason or another). But as they say, there's no use in comparing your chapter 1 to somebody else's chapter 20 and what does help is when I focus on how far I personally have come instead, both with regard to debts already repaid and, more importantly, my mindset around spending/saving. I think the main reason behind the frustration is that a lot of the time our actual financial situation lags far behind our mindset for ages. We know where we want to be, we have changed our (financially careless) ways, developed new frugal habits that we would like to be able to leverage now we have this new wisdom - to ramp up saving towards important goals, financial security, early retirement - but we are being held back by having to repay our debts first which might take what feels like forever (depending on our starting point, current income etc). There is nothing we can do though I guess so it does come back to being patient and consistent with our approach and trusting the process.

@bigbeff I agree that getting the balance right is key and that is definitely something I can sometimes struggle with. As a hopeless perfectionist (I do see it as more of a curse than anything else), I tend to have a bit of an all-or-nothing approach to things and I like to really zoom in and focus on optimising every tiny little detail of whatever it is I'm doing, usually to the detriment of other projects/areas in my life that also need my attention. Now I'm on this journey I tend to want to give it my all but there is only so much I can do and I can't speed it up any more than I can, and really taking time out to do things I enjoy can be a useful distraction and an opportunity to recharge. I will to try to remind myself of that a little more often to stop myself from burning out.

FIRE stands for Financial Independence, Retire Early. A good explanation can be found here in case you are not familiar: https://www.investopedia.com/terms/f/financial-independence-retire-early-fire.asp

I first heard of it when I stumbled upon this blog: https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/. Some of it might feel a little dated - as it is a different economic landscape we are living in now than it was in 2011 when the blog starts (if I remember right) - and/or not entirely relevant to us here in the UK as the author lives in the US, but I find it to be a great source of inspiration and countless useful tips nonetheless, and reading it (well some of it as I haven't quite finished working my way through all of it yet - I've dipped in and out over the years since first finding out about it) has been instrumental in shaping my current financial mindset and goals.

everypennytowardsfire

It's been a long and exhausting week, mostly spent trying to survive a number of back-to-back 10-hour shifts at work. It's been a challenge for a number of reasons. One is that I've been diagnosed with anaemia recently which has been a bit of a relief really as it explains why I've been struggling with really low energy levels for quite some time now (which has been getting worse and worse recently), and it also hopefully explains the more or less daily headaches/migraines I've been having. I started taking iron tablets about a week ago. Haven't noticed any improvement yet (it's probably too soon for that) but I'm feeling hopeful. Was getting really concerned about the headaches (suspecting something very sinister) and also starting to think that maybe age was catching up with me now with regard to the energy levels (having always been pretty active). Thanks to the diagnosis I feel hopeful that perhaps that is not the case and it's all something that can be fixed relatively easily. As much as I want to move away from doing long (10- or 12-hour) shifts at work (more on that to follow), I would still like to feel able to do them if I chose to. 

The other reason it's been a struggle is that I'm basically just waiting to be done with that place now. This whole notice period has literally felt like the longest three months of my life. Ten working days left now with a couple of days off in between (I have so far resisted switching to counting down the hours instead as it's still quite a depressing number - every single hour there just seems to drag unbelievably; can't wait to be able to do it though!).  

Deciding to resign and actually going through with it has been one of the hardest things I've ever done (I agonised over it for months and months) but it felt like something I had to do to protect my mental health. Some time ago I realised that I'm simply not suited to my current profession. It was never something I would have naturally gravitated towards but having graduated from my first degree and got nowhere in terms of having a decent job and being able to survive financially, when choosing my next step I was limited in my choices as to what I could do without having to pay for another expensive course (as I'd already been saddled with a massive student loan), so I went with one of the degrees that were funded by the government at the time. I never really enjoyed it at any point but I always assumed that was due to the particular stage of my training/career I was at (moving from being a student through to newly qualified and then applying for higher bands). I always thought that moving up or towards the next stage or to a different workplace would make it better. However, having moved up or across a number of times and having now reached the highest point I would ever realistically consider applying for/see myself doing within this career pathway, it has finally dawned on me that it's just not going to get better no matter what I do. All those years of working without a proper day off for months on end at times (including during the pandemic) in the run-up to buying the house didn't help and it was then that I first started feeling completely burnt out.      

It's not been an easy realisation to have at this stage of my life, having spent years studying and then (somewhat reluctantly) building a career in this field - that I'd made the wrong choice. It wasn't the first time either (at the point of choosing my current profession) that I was making a career change. How many times is one supposed to do that? Do I have the strength and energy (and time, and money...) to be starting over yet again? Will I choose better this time? I spent quite a long time feeling bad about it all and about myself but in the end I decided I had to try. It was either this predictable unbearable misery for the rest of my working years or a hope for something a little bit better. I decided to make a leap into the unknown and it's really scary at times (I do have moments of sheer panic thinking what the hell am I doing, especially if I wake up in the middle of the night) but this uncertainty is still so much better than the alternative as I feel hopeful now at least. Once my notice period is over, every single day - rather than being predetermined in a way that makes me question what the point of anything is - will now feel like it's worth fighting for. Like I can at least try and make it feel more worthwhile and enjoyable, rather than resigning myself to feeling hopeless and depressed (even on my days off - things have really been quite bad before) and too scared to change something that clearly isn't working. I might yet live to regret this decision but I'm going to do everything I possibly can for that not to be the case. We'll see.

When I was choosing what to study (for my second degree), I was being pragmatic so the other primary aim (in addition to not having to pay any fees) was to choose a career that would guarantee I wouldn't ever have to struggle to find work even in my later years. My parents never went to university or trained in a clearly defined profession and while they always worked, they also always worried about losing their jobs, especially my dad. My dad literally spent decades of his life worrying he'd be made redundant (even though he hated his job) and that he would then not be able to find another one. I've also watched some of my older friends (again without a solid educational/clearly defined professional background) struggle to find enough work in their 50's (this was when I was in my early 30's) - and both of these things influenced my choice of degree. So in that sense, that goal has been achieved. There is a big shortage of people doing what I do and I always say that if only I wanted to, I could literally work every single day and night of the year and it's not an exaggeration, there really are that many shifts available. This aspect of what I do now I am grateful for and it is something that makes me feel less bad about having made that choice. I might have been killing myself and not really enjoyed any of it at all over the years but it is also what has made it possible for me to buy a house in the south-east on my own - again, another positive to acknowledge. I guess in a way it makes my decision to resign less scary as well as I know I can always do some agency shifts if I need to while I'm making this transition. 

From a financial point of view, it would definitely have made the most sense to simply stay on this path. Just carry on working, doing as many shifts as I could (like I used to before), and eventually (over the next 5-10 years maybe) I would have achieved many of my financial goals. But it just wasn't sustainable for me to do that. I tried to change my perspective, convince myself that it's not that bad, focus on all the positive aspects of the job, talk myself into trying to last another year or two at least, change myself to fit/cope with the (toxic as far as I'm concerned) environment at work. But when every single day at work feels like you're doing time and every cell in your body dreads going into work the next day and you spend your morning commute crying in your car, you just know that it's simply not going to work. There is more to life than just choosing the most financially sound option when your mental health is at stake.

This is why I always say to my son not to waste his potential as he's very academically minded and is now studying a subject he's always loved and been really good at from a very young age - and which has historically been in demand by employers as well, thankfully - so as long as he sticks with it, he should be able to find a good job at the end of it that he is also very likely to enjoy, which would be fantastic. I like to think about it in this way: I've been more fortunate than my parents by being able to at least know there will always be work for me to make sure I have a roof over my head (as long as I'm well enough to work), and I would want nothing more than for my son to take it a step further and not only feel financially secure but also have a job he would actually like (or - dare I say it - love). Fingers crossed!  

Anyhow, I do hope it's not too late for me yet either. I've got the ball rolling now. What I've decided to do is become self-employed (I have some experience of that, only in a different field to what I'm considering doing now). There are a number of options I'm looking into and most likely I will combine a number of different things to make it work. At this point again it needs to be something I won't need a massive financial outlay for but the time it will take to set it all up, do any necessary training etc is also an important consideration. So I'm not choosing anything I would ideally like to do if I had a chance to do my entire life over from the beginning (it won't be anything requiring years of studying again). I have identified a few possible avenues and they all seem achievable and realistic and a big improvement (in my mind) on my current occupation.

I will share more details in due course as I figure it all out and my final plan crystallises over the next few months but what I'm hoping this new stage will allow me to have (in addition to being able to earn a sufficient living consistent with my financial goals and my journey towards FIRE, hopefully) is autonomy - over my hours, over what I do and how, and who I work with. I am a night owl and I really struggle with early mornings (as I'm never able to fall asleep early enough to get a decent night's sleep if I have to start work at the standard time) so being able to start a bit later in the day is one of the goals. After years of working (usually back-to-back) long shifts, I would also now prefer to do shorter days, with work being only a part of my day as opposed to my entire day (which might as well get written off). I would be happy to spread work over more days during the week but do fewer hours at a time (if possible - we'll see how it goes) - as long as it's not a job I hate to the core of my being (in which case I would rather condense it into fewer but longer shifts and get it over and done with as 'quickly' as possible). The most important consideration though is being able to work for myself and either on my own or with people I get to choose to work with. I am an introvert and I really struggle with being surrounded by and having to constantly interact with lots of people every single day/all day long. I've started reading a book about introverts recently and I found a description of people like me in there that feels so true: we don't like to lead and we don't like to be led by anybody either. I definitely have a freelancer's soul and I value my personal freedom and autonomy even more than rock solid financial security it turns out.     

All of this means that I will be taking a financial step back for a while - my income is likely to be much lower for at least a few months starting from September (although I've been taking on extra shifts in the last couple of months to try to mitigate that a little). I will also need to spend some of my savings on courses I'm planning to do as well as some equipment/tools, maybe even a new (to me) car/van (on the plus side, it might help with my house renovation - more on that in another post!). But my intention is to try to make up for it by working more once I've got everything going (hopefully I won't mind it as much then once I've got a job I like). I have promised myself that I won't lose out financially over the long term because of this decision to take a chance on myself. I will have to be very disciplined with regard to making sure I do something every single day to make this new project a success (as there won't be anyone standing over me and telling me what to do), as well as my spending, but I hope it will all be worth it in the long run. 

Thanks for reading if you've got this far - I should have put a long post warning at the top! 🤣

everypennytowardsfire

Nine days left (to freedom). I'm off today and had a chance to do some more work on my SOA. I've pretty much finished it now. Was hoping to post it today but not having much luck with formatting. It just doesn't seem to work no matter what I do, despite following the advice to the letter. I guess I'll have to format it manually or see whether using a different browser might help maybe unless anyone's got any other tips? Will have to do it on a different day now. Was hoping to also add some comments and explanations anyway and running out of time tonight.

Off to go grocery shopping in a minute - I usually try to go in the evening when the chance of being able to hunt down some nice yellow sticker goodies is higher. One of my local supermarkets reduces everything to 10p (as part of the final reduction round of the day) regardless of the original price but you do have to be quite lucky and be there at the right time. Not getting my hopes up as it's so unpredictable and never guaranteed there will be anything there but at least I'm going to try. We do also need some 'normal' bits that are unlikely to ever get substantially reduced anyway (although I do have some personalised offers within the supermarket's app for some of those that I'm hoping to take advantage of tonight) so not the end of the world if I don't have much luck with the yellow stickers.  

When I get back, it'll be dinner and then MSE email time which I'm looking forward to, although if there is anything of interest there, it will most likely have to wait until Sunday as I'm unlikely to have time to action anything before then due to work. There are still a couple of things I've been meaning to do/look into from the last couple of emails that I haven't got round to, again mostly due to working a bit more at the moment in the approach to not having a permanent job from September.

I have managed two small MSE wins in the last couple of weeks though. First was opening a new instant access account that pays 5% (vs 4.51% the account I was using previously did), having been alerted to it by a notification from the MSE app. I have also told DS about the account but it happened to be a less-than-ideal timing so will remind him again at some point in case he didn't quite register it. I moved all my cash that is not locked anywhere else there, including money for any upcoming bills. I didn't use to do that before - usually any amounts already spoken for would just sit in my current account between being paid and the bills being due, but with the savings rates getting higher and higher now and having found my MSE mojo again a few months ago, I decided to keep literally all my cash in an instant access savings account (with the highest rate I can find), even if just for a few days (this excludes anything already paid into regular savings accounts with higher rates but includes anything destined for these accounts later on that month). Those tiny amounts of interest do add up. The rate when I first opened the first account back in March was 3.4% and only edged up to over 4% recently but despite that I have since earned £32.67 in interest in this way (plus the interest that has been accruing since I moved the cash to the new account; unlike in the old one I can't see the pending amount in the new one growing daily but I do expect it to be about a tenner at least per month unless/until the amount I've got saved there gets smaller). I have set myself a daily reminder (alarm in fact) on my phone that goes off every evening so I don't forget to check whether any money needs to be transferred back to my current account to cover any DDs or standing orders due the next day.

The other little achievement has been opening a new regular saver account which I have named a Student Loan/Mortgage OP fund. I can save up to £250 each month and it pays 6% (they seem to have pulled the deal now as their website doesn't show what the current rate is for anyone wanting to open an account today and it has disappeared from the MSE best open-to-all regular saver accounts table, so I must have been quite lucky timing-wise). Unfortunately withdrawals are not allowed so I will have to carefully decide how much I can pay in each month (taking into account my soon-to-be temporarily reduced earnings) but whatever I do manage to save I intend to not touch it (even once the account matures) unless it is to put it towards mortgage OPs (or to bring my overall mortgage amount down if I do end up selling my current house and hopefully buying a cheaper one in the next couple of years) or towards reducing my SL balance. For as long as the rate I can earn on the money is higher than that of my mortgage or SL, I will keep it in the best savings account(s) available to me at the time (it might be a combination of fixed and regular saver accounts), rather than physically overpaying, but I have promised myself I will not use the funds for any other purpose (we'll see how it goes/what life decides to throw at me).

I have been thinking some more about my plans for the next few years, including some possible DFW and MFW dates/timeframes, and about some ideas how it might be possible for me to achieve them. Hoping to share some of those in one of my upcoming posts when I get a chance.  

beanielou

Happy shiny new diary.

I personally would look at the SL as a graduate tax but we are all different.

everypennytowardsfire

Thanks @beanielou. I don't think I'm 100% committed to actually physically overpaying or clearing the SL completely before time - well, before trying to reduce the mortgage substantially first. It does really bother me though and I think I will feel a lot better if I know I've got some money saved up towards it and it's earning a higher interest than the loan itself. My first priority is to get rid of my CC debt which I'm hoping to do by the time the current 0% deals end (I will try to avoid doing any more balance transfers but it'll depend on what my situation is at the time). Once that's done, I will focus on reducing the mortgage which will most likely mean overpaying and moving somewhere cheaper (hopefully). As long as my earnings don't reduce drastically over the next 10 years, that is the sort of timescale during which I should be able to repay the SL naturally just with salary deductions. If I find myself in a position of being debt free (no CC debt and close to or completely mortgage free) before then, that will be the time when I would realistically physically overpay I think, just to get rid of it once and for all. Until then I will feel a bit more in control knowing I'm working towards offsetting the SL balance by building up savings growing at a faster rate (with a bit of luck).

everypennytowardsfire

In any case, even if I don't end up actually using the money to overpay/get rid of the SL before its natural repayment time, I will have hopefully saved up a substantial amount that I might then be able to put towards something else. I'm hoping that this approach of saving a dedicated amount every month (with a longer time horizon as it might be 10 years before the SL is gone completely) will help me remain financially disciplined and ensure my still potentially fragile positive habits around spending/saving become ingrained for good. 

bigbeff

I managed to open up that regular saver too. Higher rate than my current savings! We will do this!

enthusiasticsaver

Subscribed to follow your journey. Some of your aspirations were also mine 35 years ago. We lived in Kent but moved to Cornwall in late 80s  due to high housing costs and we wanted to live more rurally and I changed careers 20 years before retiring early at 58. I didn’t go self employed though. That is a brave step.

I think given your situation saving as much as possible is the right move so that you have a buffer after you leave your current job and as the CCs interest free period don’t end until next year they are not critical. Also whilst I get 5.5% interest on the SL is annoying until you have sorted out your income going forward I would not rush to repay that either as it is income dependent so if your SE career take a while to establish you won’t need to find repayments.