Main breadwinner - financial "pressure/concerns"

Sorry its longer than anticipated 

This has been kind of circulating in my head awhile now, but just interested in others views on this as this as it doesn't really seem to get talked about.

Firstly, we are comfortable and have the security of a decent wedge of savings.
I'm the main breadwinner for a family of 5, OH, and 3 children 1 at uni and another soon to be at uni.
My OH doesn't work due to health, they'd like to work but this will only ever be minimal hours. Currently working through ESA for NI credits then going to look at PIP.

Whilst I fully accept our situation and I'm content to be the one at work, I worry a lot about money, and it sometimes gets a bit panicky despite being quite healthy in that department.

The main savings are kind of earmarked towards to moving, though we don't expect to use it all. I have another savings pot that I guess would be an emergency fund but there's space we could use this for something fun but I'd feel this is borrowing from ourselves. 

I just feel there are so many expenses coming up this month some planned some a little unexpected but now needs to be accounted for from my salary. But there's just that realisation I have so much responsibility. 

This month I've had to pay OH's insurance - this has always been managed by him in previous years - I should have thought of this in advance 

I'm supporting my DD in a trip to Malaysia so fair bit of shopping to do this month - planned and budgeted.

My car needs brakes and MOT which is saved for.

On top of that, the boiler broke £180 to fix, and my DD needs £250 to pay her student accommodation deposit - both of these I can cover from the flex I carry in my current but I still feel uneasy about it, despite that being the very reason I have that headroom.

With all the above it's close to £1500 that I'm paying out this month 

I don't feel I can really talk about this to my OH as he already feels guilty that I'm the one that has to work and pay for everything. 

I realise this is all self imposed, I'm desperate to travel/holiday more and my OH would fully support and agree to taking out from our joint savings to pay for this. But I just feel its wrong.

How do others manage? 

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  • Spendless
    Spendless Posts: 24,136 Forumite
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    How self funding are the 2 Uni students - do they receive maximum loan or do you have to contribute?  Is the £250 student accommodation deposit a gift or a loan?  

     I do understand this, my DH is the majority breadwinner, I do work (currently p-time and through an agency) but had a few years out of work to support our daughter's ill-health when she was in her mid-teens. We also have savings but we've been paying a students rent since 2018 (including an overlapping year) with DD still to embark on a 3 year degree

    Would some sort of budgeting app help, where you are saving/allocating money for some 'fun things'  rather than to pay costs coming up?

    The thing I have been guilty of too and I've only really realised this, is that I have supporting other peoples choices whilst not taking time to spend my wages on myself, last weekend I spent more helping out others than what I had earned that week and it's that realisation that means I fully intend stopping it (other than things already committed to)
  • annabanana82
    annabanana82 Posts: 3,014 Forumite
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    Thank you @Spendless they get a fair bit of student maintenance, I only have to contribute to food, currently £25 a week this stops when they are at home. 

    From September I think I'm going to have to up this to £30 a week x 2 due to increases in the supermarket, though I will see some reduction with one less (hopefully).

    The £250 has to be a gift as I did it for the eldest last year. 

    I think a large part of my problem is that I save largely in buckets with no real purpose, car I save for monthly but everything else just goes into a separate account. 

    My grocery bill like many others at the moment does seem to be our biggest expenditure now, so perhaps need to look at that. Though we eat quite healthy and always cook from scratch

    This year's pay deal should be announced soon so once that's in I can then work out realistically what my exact outgoings and income should look like.

    Once that's sorted I can then look at the longer term stuff my Husband's and mine hopes and dreams - they aren't very aligned so not much streamlining there

    I had another £80 bill this morning, but looking at my accounts this still leaves me with a healthy amount (£350) come pay day - which my rational head says it great and what I wanted, but the other voice says it's not enough.

    On the plus side I have an action plan starting to come together now I've got this off my chest

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  • onomatopoeia99
    onomatopoeia99 Posts: 6,955 Forumite
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    How do others manage? 

    I live alone, so this has always been a worry as there's no-one else to bring in money if I can't. I save hard and now have enough accessible savings / investments to clear the mortgage and live frugally for a couple of years without any income, but it has taken me 15 years to reach that point.
    Proud member of the wokerati, though I don't eat tofu.Home is where my books are.Solar PV 5.2kWp system, SE facing, >1% shading, installed March 2019.Mortgage free July 2023
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