Extremely ill with worry and the stress of it all

MGOP

@sourcrates Thank you, really grateful for this advice. Yes you are correct I have been ignoring everything whilst trying to work out a way out only to realise it was mission impossible and end up further down the worry hole. I will get onto it this weekend then send the letters off next week. I might be too late for some, two of them have sent me letters of default this week so I will have to see what's next. I tried contacting StepChange online and after the short survey they told me that cannot help me at this time. 

LookingForPeace

Hey MGOP

For me, the fact you have posted here asking for help says a lot - you are brave and will do what you need to do to look after yourself. Tragic events by their nature are unplanned and uninvited. My advice on that is to find ways to be kind to yourself, forgive yourself for anything you think you've done to get in this situation, and calmly focus on the next thing you need to do.

I have felt similarly to what you've described in the past, and I can promise you it all feels bigger than it is right now. It all feels more pressured than it might really be. There will be a time in the not too distant future that you will briefly forget ever feeling this way 

I won't make any assumptions about your marriage, but it is definitely true that a problem shared is a problem halved. If not your partner, maybe a trusted friend could help lift some of the emotional weight? Keeping everything to yourself will not be helping. Find a healthy way to let out some of that internal pressure (for me, that's talking to a friend).

Getting clarity also helps. An SOA putting everything in black and white gets you seeing what you're playing with. When it's hazy in your head, it creates more stress. More stress stops you knowing what to do and moving forward.

It sounds like you've achieved a lot before, and I'm guessing there were moments when you tackled something head on and trusted yourself. You've got this too, I'm sure  And the ever-so kind people of this forum are here to support you.

Matt x

NeverendingDMP

Just wanted to say hello and welcome to the forum. We are a mix of mutual support,  people who have been there done that, some who have paid it off and others still working on it. There's lots of good advice and a few posters who do this as a day job too! 
Try out the advice given so far and when you feel up to it feel free to add up the numbers or post a soa.
Best wishes 

fatbelly

MGOP said:

@sourcrates Thank you, really grateful for this advice. Yes you are correct I have been ignoring everything whilst trying to work out a way out only to realise it was mission impossible and end up further down the worry hole. I will get onto it this weekend then send the letters off next week. I might be too late for some, two of them have sent me letters of default this week so I will have to see what's next. I tried contacting StepChange online and after the short survey they told me that cannot help me at this time. 

Defaults are fine. The sooner you get them the better.

Use this for the basis of your letter

https://nationaldebtline.org/sample-letters/write-off-debt/

Cheesephetamine

Hi. I’m sorry to hear of your situation. Don’t despair as many have told you already there are options! If you browse the threads I created you will see I got up of £20k written off due to health. As sourcrates said you need to write your creditors to let them know and ask for help / write off. It’s not a guarantee that the worst but can happen is that they say no. I’m happy to answer any questions 

theoretica

Have you managed to claim all the benefits you are entitled to?  see https://www.entitledto.co.uk/  Unfortunately the system can take considerable manoeuvring to get through!

MGOP

Hi everyone, Goodness I cannot tell how utterly thankful I am to you all for the support and your kind words. Why haven't I come here sooner?  Just sharing in here and reading your helpful and very kind replies has made such a difference to my outlook already. For the first time in a long time I am feeling a little hopeful. I haven't told my husband yet ( I planned to do so this weekend, then couldn't do it) but I very much want to, just need to find my big girl's pants. I need him on board in order to complete the SOA. He is the kindest soul we have been married 27 years and I know he will be amazingly supportive just as he's been through this whole ordeal, I am just ashamed..

@fatbelly thank you or the letter template very helpful. 

@Cheesephetamine I am sorry to read that you have been in a similar situation with your health, and thank you for the offer to help. 

@theoretica I haven't ever claimed a penny, didn't even cross my mind. 

Cheesephetamine

You definitely need to look into the benefits you might be losing money you are entitled to!

enthusiasticsaver

You already have had a lot of good advice but the main thing to know is it will be fixable.

From the sound of it defaults are inevitable so I would open a basic bank account with no overdraft unless you already have one.

 Let your creditors know or phone step change if you would rather have a third party deal with them. 

An soa would be useful.