Thoughts on Xmas lunch out?

Abbafan1972

Thanks for your replies - yes we have considered an Indian restaurant for next year and will look into it. Yes you are correct as to where we are based (Birmingham), as we say “Mom”. 

My parents live in a Bungalow, which is smaller, but they have a conservatory with a dining table. 

I’m sure we’ll work out what to do eventually. 

pickledonionspaceraider

We went out for xmas day once - and never again.

The place was packed, they had clearly hoyed more tables in, than usual to squeeze more in, and it was almost elbow to elbow with the people in the next table
The staff were rushed off their feet, and clearly would rather have not been there
Christmas music blaring so loud you could barely have a conversation.
The food was mediocre and it was very expensive I thought at £45 a head. 

Abbafan1972

Well, we had to go and see my Mom yesterday, as her Sky box wouldn't come on and it just needed a reboot.

Mom has mentioned about Christmas next year again and said that so and so (my Dad's friend) went to this place for Christmas lunch and paid for his whole family (there's 8 of them) and said they thought the food was fantastic.  We just said that's up to (my Dad's friend) and you are not him. My Dad wasn't home, as he was out visiting his brother. 

Mom said that her and my Dad have agreed to pay half each for the bill, there will be 7 of us in total, Mom and Dad, us 4 and my Dad's brother who is pretty much housebound and never sees anyone on Christmas day. 

She has pointed out that she will be quite offended if we don't go and will just go ahead and book us in when the time comes.  Also said that they don't have anything else to spend their money on and will get my Dad to speak to us. If I know my Dad, he will just say "if they don't want to come, then don't force them". 

We are not going to mention anything about it again when we see them next, as purely because Christmas is only just over for this year!

Flugelhorn

quick - book a holiday abroad for next Xmas @Abbafan1972 - seriously I would be pretty fed up if someone tried to be so bossy over something so far ahead. The "will be quite offended" is just manipulation. You will still have half the bill to pay - you have to decide if you are happy to do this or whether you would rather do something else.

Abbafan1972

Flugelhorn said:

quick - book a holiday abroad for next Xmas @Abbafan1972 - seriously I would be pretty fed up if someone tried to be so bossy over something so far ahead. The "will be quite offended" is just manipulation. You will still have half the bill to pay - you have to decide if you are happy to do this or whether you would rather do something else.

Sorry if I didn’t make it clear, but my Mom & Dad have said they will each pay half towards the bill (they both keep their finances separate). So we won’t have to pay anything - the issue is that we wouldn’t pay that kind of money ourselves, so don’t want someone else to, let alone 2 pensioners. I don’t pry into their financial affairs, but I know they don’t struggle for money, but that isn’t the point here. 

Flugelhorn

Ah right - I see, fair enough they are paying for it all. I know what you mean I wouldn't like someone else paying for the meal like this when I didn't feel it was good value or something I wanted.
Mother used want us to go on holiday with her and Father and was insistent she would pay - the point was that we could easilly afford it we just didn't want to go 


Good Luck - hope all sorts out 

Spendless

I can see where your Mum is coming from tbh. She wishes to see her family on Christmas Day including sharing the meal. She doesn't wish to cook at hers anymore, your place is to small for them to come to you. She's offering a solution for this. She's said she and your Dad will pay it all. She is aware that Christmas day dinner is expensive and is still comfortable with what she's offering.  Your reluctance is based on that you think the meals charged are expensive compared to other days in the year and you wouldn't pay that yourself so don't think your parents should. A nice sentiment but it is up to your parents what they choose to spend their money on. By your own admission you know they don't struggle for money. Some people get to a point in their lives where they don't have much to spend their cash on but perhaps would like to spend some of it creating memories with family members, not just for themselves to have some enjoyment but also they may be wondering how long they have left to do this, not just lifespan, but when your kids are off doing their own thing with partner/children/jobs of their own and also should your parents start suffering from any ill health/disability which would make dining out make problematic.

If you say it's not about how much restaurants charge for Christmas day and people paying that  but more about you couldn't think of anything worse than having a meal out on December 25th because ............. maybe your Mum would be more understanding of your reluctance.

The reason I've refused to eat out for years with my household and some years it would have created more of an 'event' as after my Nan went into a care home, there were only the 4 of us on the day is because my son always said he wanted the veg/trimmings and quantities  of his choosing not what a restaurant was serving and my daughter is both vegetarian and faddy so huge likelihood we'd pay a premium for her not to enjoy or eat the meal. I put to husband when it's just the 2 of us, I'll go then. Last night I paid for my 2 adult children, son's fiancée and myself to go to watch a panto. I asked them if they wanted to go and was actually surprised when son said yes. It was a treat on me because I have a far more disposable income than either of my kids. I thought it was a nice thing to do and something we'd remember. Husband didn't come because it's not his 'thing' and I'd understand if son and partner or at least one of them had said same but if son said no they weren't coming because  tickets were expensive they wouldn't pay for it themselves and therefore  didn't want me to pay for them, I suspect I'd feel a bit like your Mum does. 

gwynlas

If you really do not want to go you do not have to but be clear on your reasons why.
I worked at a country hotel where all holidays were full to capacity for lunch. It meant that guests had to get up  dressed and drive to location for a table at 12.30 or 1.30pm there would be a choice of roasts veg served to the table and you were expected to leave by 3.00pm. to drive home. Personallly I prefer not to rush, have a special breakfast and pick at things during the day whilst relaxing before an evening dinner.
The money spent on a lunch for two would probably buy a weeks groceries including left over meat etc for scratch meals and considerably more for added numbers.
If you parents want to treat the family to this experience it would seem churlish to refuse on cost grounds, and it might great good memories. It sounds as though your mother would like to have next Christmas off from the responsibilities of catering but still see all of you around the table on Christmas Day. For some people it remains a special day even though you can forego cooking in favour of eating out any time.

Pollycat

gwynlas said:

If you really do not want to go you do not have to but be clear on your reasons why.
I worked at a country hotel where all holidays were full to capacity for lunch. It meant that guests had to get up  dressed and drive to location for a table at 12.30 or 1.30pm there would be a choice of roasts veg served to the table and you were expected to leave by 3.00pm. to drive home. Personallly I prefer not to rush, have a special breakfast and pick at things during the day whilst relaxing before an evening dinner.
The money spent on a lunch for two would buy a weeks groceries including left over meat etc for scratch meals and considerably more for added numbers.
If you have been quite happy going to your parents house for Christmas lunch each year then it would be very difficult to turn down their hospitality next Christmas by refusing to eat out at their expense. If you can afford it I would suggest that you do a trial run by going for lunch at Easter, Mothers Day or a birthday when prices are not so inflated it might suggest that the experience is not for you as a family.
There are other alternatives that I suspect other families do such as parents visiting on Christmas morning to see present opening or late afternoon/evening for a buffet meal. Traditions evolve over the generations.

+1 to this.
I've read a few articles over the last few days about restaurants disappointing guests for various reasons this Christmas.
Marstons was one place mentioned. 
Marston's says sorry as Christmas Day diners get no pudding - Stoke-on-Trent Live (stokesentinel.co.uk)

I'd want to know that any place I booked for Christmas Day lunch was capable of dealing with the numbers booked.
And that I wasn't expected to leave after a specified time.

Check out Tripadviser reviews for any place you are thinking about booking.