Cancelling my mortgage direct debit to make my ex pay it 23 November 2022 at 1:42PM in Mortgages & endowments 12 replies 1.2K views

AP278

I have been separated from my husband for 2 and a half years. We are unable to divorce until a financial settlement is reached, which he keeps refusing to do (stalling, not returning paper work, refusing to answer estate agent phone calls).
I do not live in our jointly owned home as I left him, however the mortgage direct debit is in my name and he also refuses to contribute anything towards the payments. This has been going on for years now and the price of the mortgage keeps going up and up. I can’t keep living like this I’ve my own home and bills to pay for and I’m done crippling myself for him to continue abusing the situation. I’ve spoken to the bank and they have told me that they won’t ask him for the money apparently we’re both “100% responsible for making sure it gets paid” not 50% each.

I am now thinking of cancelling my direct debit in order to force the bank to chase us both for the full payment. Hell then have to pay it if he wants to keep a roof over his head (of course if it got to final warning I would step in and pay, I don’t want it repossessed and to lose my equity) 

does anyone have any advice or know what kind of financial advisor I might be able to speak to about the repercussions of this?

(extra contact my ex and I are no contact, he doesn’t employ a solicitor and he ignores contact from mine, we tried mediation but he refused to respond to invitations to they either. we are currently pushing through court but that’s a very slow process)

RelievedSheff

Your credit file will be shot if you do that so tread very carefully if you will need any kind of finance or mortgage in the future.

MikeJXE

If you cancel your direct debit that wont change the fact you are both 100% responsible for the whole payment, if he wont pay then you will have to or lose the house

ACG

MikeJXE said:

If you cancel your direct debit that wont change the fact you are both 100% responsible for the whole payment, if he wont pay then you will have to or lose the house

This isnt quite true. 
If neither of them pay, then the house will be repossessed. Any money will be used to clear the mortgage, if there is a shortfall, then they may be able to go to court to force repayment. If there isnt a shortfall, any extra will presumably get split 50/50. 

ACG

AP278 said:

I have been separated from my husband for 2 and a half years. We are unable to divorce until a financial settlement is reached, which he keeps refusing to do (stalling, not returning paper work, refusing to answer estate agent phone calls).
I do not live in our jointly owned home as I left him, however the mortgage direct debit is in my name and he also refuses to contribute anything towards the payments. This has been going on for years now and the price of the mortgage keeps going up and up. I can’t keep living like this I’ve my own home and bills to pay for and I’m done crippling myself for him to continue abusing the situation. I’ve spoken to the bank and they have told me that they won’t ask him for the money apparently we’re both “100% responsible for making sure it gets paid” not 50% each.

I am now thinking of cancelling my direct debit in order to force the bank to chase us both for the full payment. Hell then have to pay it if he wants to keep a roof over his head (of course if it got to final warning I would step in and pay, I don’t want it repossessed and to lose my equity) 

does anyone have any advice or know what kind of financial advisor I might be able to speak to about the repercussions of this?

(extra contact my ex and I are no contact, he doesn’t employ a solicitor and he ignores contact from mine, we tried mediation but he refused to respond to invitations to they either. we are currently pushing through court but that’s a very slow process)

Hopefully your current home is with a "normal" mortgage lender where you can product transfer. Otherwise you could find you struggle to remortgage in the future. 

But in your shoes, if I were not living in the property but paying for it. Yes, I would probably tell the ex you have cancelled the DD so unless he starts paying it, he could find letters start to hit the mat pretty soon. 

london21

AP278 said:

I have been separated from my husband for 2 and a half years. We are unable to divorce until a financial settlement is reached, which he keeps refusing to do (stalling, not returning paper work, refusing to answer estate agent phone calls).
I do not live in our jointly owned home as I left him, however the mortgage direct debit is in my name and he also refuses to contribute anything towards the payments. This has been going on for years now and the price of the mortgage keeps going up and up. I can’t keep living like this I’ve my own home and bills to pay for and I’m done crippling myself for him to continue abusing the situation. I’ve spoken to the bank and they have told me that they won’t ask him for the money apparently we’re both “100% responsible for making sure it gets paid” not 50% each.

I am now thinking of cancelling my direct debit in order to force the bank to chase us both for the full payment. Hell then have to pay it if he wants to keep a roof over his head (of course if it got to final warning I would step in and pay, I don’t want it repossessed and to lose my equity) 

does anyone have any advice or know what kind of financial advisor I might be able to speak to about the repercussions of this?

(extra contact my ex and I are no contact, he doesn’t employ a solicitor and he ignores contact from mine, we tried mediation but he refused to respond to invitations to they either. we are currently pushing through court but that’s a very slow process)

Who currently resides at the property? so he lives there and does not want to contribute anything?

Did you both contribute 50/50 to purchase/deposit of the house.

Guess forcing the sale by refusing payment might be the only option if you both cannot agree.

RedFraggle

I think you need to stick with pushing it through the courts. 

MalMonroe

Your ex is having his cake and eating it and that's not fair. You're paying for him to stay in the marital home and presumably also paying for yourself to live elsewhere.

The question you are asking is one that should really be asked of your solicitor. What are they doing for their money?!

I'd want to change my solicitor if they were as drippy as that (in fact, I did so when I was divorcing) because I'd want someone with a bit more oomph and/or get up and go representing me when dealing with a reluctant and stubborn ex. Your solicitor's bank account is getting healthier by the day. And they're not even having to do anything.

ACG, above, said "If neither of them pay, then the house will be repossessed. Any money will be used to clear the mortgage, if there is a shortfall, then they may be able to go to court to force repayment. If there isn't a shortfall, any extra will presumably get split 50/50. "

Would that be such a tragedy? You may not get what you think the property is worth that way but it would certainly sort the matter out. After two and a half years, I'd be wanting to get rid of the ex and the mortgage. He is being obstinate, which I guess is his prerogative but dragging things out isn't helping anyone. 

I've been in a similar position but I stayed in the marital home as I was raising our daughter. Had my ex been living in it on his own, I wouldn't have been paying anything towards the mortgage.

Obviously, my own opinion - but I do feel that something's got to give for you. I would have a word with my solicitor - see if they have any comments or ideas of their own! Make them work for their (your) money.

GAMBITv5

Are you joint tenants or tenants in common? Just sell the house if you can… 

middleagedriver

Sounds like you are going to have to push it through the courts. Not paying the mortgage will screw up your credit file for a long time and the bank will repossess your house. Depending on your current situation that will probably mean you can't own another house with a mortgage for a long time.

You mention that there is an estate agent involved, so you have your house for sale/sold? Surely your ex had to agree to sell the house as well as you, so there must be some desire to cut ties? If your house is sold and you are still going through this, is it fair to put another family through this pain as well? I only say this from past experiences.

ACG

middleagedriver said:

Sounds like you are going to have to push it through the courts. Not paying the mortgage will screw up your credit file for a long time and the bank will repossess your house. Depending on your current situation that will probably mean you can't own another house with a mortgage for a long time.

You mention that there is an estate agent involved, so you have your house for sale/sold? Surely your ex had to agree to sell the house as well as you, so there must be some desire to cut ties? If your house is sold and you are still going through this, is it fair to put another family through this pain as well? I only say this from past experiences.

The problem with this route is that all he has to do is to be awkward - cancel viewings, not allow them in, spray paint offensive things in one of the rooms and then when moving out rip out the kitchen etc. If he put no deposit in himself or very little and/or there is very little equity, it could easily drag on for a couple of years. 

He is more inclined to sort things out if court letters are dropping on the mat or it is affecting his credit report as whatever happens, he will struggle to get a mortgage or pass a rent check with a repossession or mortgage arrears.