Dealing with petty behaviour.

SJE89

For some context, I work in a team that work across two, soon to be three, different sites. 

The manager has their own office in one building and a specific desk that they use at the other. They will also be getting their own office in the new building. Why one person needs two offices, I don’t know. 

As the team is now growing to accommodate the increasing number of offices, I and my colleague have been asked to relocate to the other office (the one with the manager’s own desk, but no personal office) so new staff members can be trained. The managers had a meeting this morning to shortlist for more interviews and as there was no space I was sat and logged on at the managers desk. I have previously been invited to use this specific desk and so didn’t see a problem with it, especially as we are paperless, and there is no sensitive information kept on the desk. She came in this morning and made a point about her desk being used. I asked if she would like me to move but she said no it’s fine even though she “asked us not to use her desk” well she must have dreamt that conversation because she did not say that and I will swear it. She has previously had a habit of saying she’s said things which she hasn’t, and importantly, never has this in email or any form of writing.

I and my colleague had to leave for a meeting and when we came back the manager had left as they finished shortlisting and my other colleague said she had had to move my stuff from that desk as the manager had asked for her desk to kept free in case she needed it. 

Firstly, I asked her if she wanted me to move and she said no. Then when I left had obviously started complaining about it behind my back. 

I’m always upfront with people if I have any issues, or I try to be without rocking the boat too much.

How can I let her know that I find this petty and unnecessary, and more to the point call her out on it?

I have always felt that I’ve had a good working relationship with this manager, which has been a welcome change as I’ve had some horrible bosses in the past. But I feel like there’s something wrong recently.
I feel that I need to challenge this behaviour in a respectful way that won’t cause ructions, as I’m not prepared to allow myself to feel belittled over trivial matters, when I’m being transparent and they’re not.

diystarter7

Hello
As the person is you, the manager, seek a one-to-one "quick chat about something that is concerning you."  I suggest keep it informal. See what the manager states. I'm sure you will work it out. Failing that, seek a meeting with personnel.
What you have described happens in many offices. (I am suggesting this based on your "good working.....")

One of the places I worked at about 15/13 yrs ago, they brought in a hotdesking but the manager had their designated desk as their no offices for managers unless they were higher up.  They explained the way of having their own desk as they had a special drive on that desktop computer.

TELLIT01

I was fortunate in always having my own desk.  I had no objection to anybody using it when I was away, but it did annoy me if the layout of the desk was changed and not put back as it was when somebody 'borrowed' it.  I also had an orthopaedic chair which was set up specifically for me and had notices on it not to change settings.  Nobody seemed to take any notice of that.

74jax

What would you 'call her out on'? 

I don't think it's petty, but only going of your OP obviously.

Most managers I've worked with have had offices in the buildings they work in (if they worked across more than one division they had an office in each).  We did have a booking system to book out the room for use, if they weren't in that particular office, but to be honest it wasn't really needed.

It reads as though when you were at the desk working they told you to just get on, once you'd vacated the desk they moved your stuff. I think this is fair, as you were already up. 

You could suggest a booking system for the hot desks so that everyone knows where they will be especially now the team has increased. That could be a good solution.

turnitround

SJE89 said:

For some context, I work in a team that work across two, soon to be three, different sites. 

The manager has their own office in one building and a specific desk that they use at the other. They will also be getting their own office in the new building. Why one person needs two offices, I don’t know. 

As the team is now growing to accommodate the increasing number of offices, I and my colleague have been asked to relocate to the other office (the one with the manager’s own desk, but no personal office) so new staff members can be trained. The managers had a meeting this morning to shortlist for more interviews and as there was no space I was sat and logged on at the managers desk. I have previously been invited to use this specific desk and so didn’t see a problem with it, especially as we are paperless, and there is no sensitive information kept on the desk. She came in this morning and made a point about her desk being used. I asked if she would like me to move but she said no it’s fine even though she “asked us not to use her desk” well she must have dreamt that conversation because she did not say that and I will swear it. She has previously had a habit of saying she’s said things which she hasn’t, and importantly, never has this in email or any form of writing.

I and my colleague had to leave for a meeting and when we came back the manager had left as they finished shortlisting and my other colleague said she had had to move my stuff from that desk as the manager had asked for her desk to kept free in case she needed it. 

Firstly, I asked her if she wanted me to move and she said no. Then when I left had obviously started complaining about it behind my back. 

I’m always upfront with people if I have any issues, or I try to be without rocking the boat too much.

How can I let her know that I find this petty and unnecessary, and more to the point call her out on it?

I have always felt that I’ve had a good working relationship with this manager, which has been a welcome change as I’ve had some horrible bosses in the past. But I feel like there’s something wrong recently.
I feel that I need to challenge this behaviour in a respectful way that won’t cause ructions, as I’m not prepared to allow myself to feel belittled over trivial matters, when I’m being transparent and they’re not.

Seems a bit like 6 of one and half a dozen of the other as far as being petty is concerned.
Why would you leave your stuff on the desk once you had left the office?
Why do you feel the need to 'call her out on it' rather than just speaking to her and clearling the air?

Charlotte_Ca

I've had a similar situation with a manager where I thought we had good relationship and she was a nice person.

What I've learned is to just take criticism in a nice way, do my job, get my salary and let it go. Don't stress too much about it. When I had that incident with her, my ego fired up and I was thinking inside me how can she comments on my productivity when at the same time she doesn't even know how to do the job etc.

I was very disappointed with her after that and wasn't feeling comfortable being around her. All that stressed me.

After googling articles etc about similar situations I've realised one thing You don't know what people go through in their own lives. She might be autistic and that's why your manager doesn't like other people to use her desk and touch her stuff. Or she might have been going through some other things in her personal life and her frustration came out on this incident.

Keep your confidence and self-esteem high, but just make an arrangement with her maybe. Just use a different desk not because she won, but because your peace is more important than anything else. Especially in the workplace.

Honestly work can be stressful enough, but we shouldn't be stressing too much about the behaviour of other colleagues/ managers etc. They've got their own issues.

Marcon

SJE89 said:

For some context, I work in a team that work across two, soon to be three, different sites. 

The manager has their own office in one building and a specific desk that they use at the other. They will also be getting their own office in the new building. Why one person needs two offices, I don’t know. 

As the team is now growing to accommodate the increasing number of offices, I and my colleague have been asked to relocate to the other office (the one with the manager’s own desk, but no personal office) so new staff members can be trained. The managers had a meeting this morning to shortlist for more interviews and as there was no space I was sat and logged on at the managers desk. I have previously been invited to use this specific desk and so didn’t see a problem with it, especially as we are paperless, and there is no sensitive information kept on the desk. She came in this morning and made a point about her desk being used. I asked if she would like me to move but she said no it’s fine even though she “asked us not to use her desk” well she must have dreamt that conversation because she did not say that and I will swear it. She has previously had a habit of saying she’s said things which she hasn’t, and importantly, never has this in email or any form of writing.

I and my colleague had to leave for a meeting and when we came back the manager had left as they finished shortlisting and my other colleague said she had had to move my stuff from that desk as the manager had asked for her desk to kept free in case she needed it. 

Firstly, I asked her if she wanted me to move and she said no. Then when I left had obviously started complaining about it behind my back. 

I’m always upfront with people if I have any issues, or I try to be without rocking the boat too much.

How can I let her know that I find this petty and unnecessary, and more to the point call her out on it?

I have always felt that I’ve had a good working relationship with this manager, which has been a welcome change as I’ve had some horrible bosses in the past. But I feel like there’s something wrong recently.
I feel that I need to challenge this behaviour in a respectful way that won’t cause ructions, as I’m not prepared to allow myself to feel belittled over trivial matters, when I’m being transparent and they’re not.

With all due respect, it sounds as if you might have the problem if you feel that some slightly zany behaviour from someone senior to you is 'belittling'. A bit irritating, undoubtedly - but you do seem to be making a huge mountain out of a molehill. Have a quiet word with her by all means if you think it'll help (doubt it, from what your post says), but to suggest you should 'call her out' does seem to be blowing things out of all proportion. A more lighthearted approach, along the lines of apologetically (grit your teeth!) saying you're a bit confused and could you please clarify...? might work much better for both of you.

wilfred30

Your reaction seems totally OTT to me.

Your manager is perfectly entitled to decide when she wants to use her desk and, given that you say your office is paperless, what 'stuff' of yours did she move?

If you must 'call her out', go ahead but don't be surprised if it leads to a consequence you're equally not happy with i.e. you're labelled as an entitled trouble maker.