Spending urges

bubblemummy

This may be long; so please bear with me.

I am crap with money and always have been. My gran used to give me £10 per week pocket money and send me down her local shop to spend it. I believe it was her encouragement to spend it that has contributed to my messed up attitude to spending. About 30 years ago I came into a sizeable inheritance which bypassed another family member. The family member’s spouse was disgusted by this. I have felt guilty ever since and I think this has also contributed to my crap attitude to money. To put it succinctly, if I have money I HAVE to spend it/get rid of it. I think deep down, I believe that I do not deserve to have it. With regard to the inheritance, this was invested in property.

After some very rocky years financially (single parent on a low salary), I am now in a position where I have a decent income, can pay my bills and have some left over. I have started budgeting with cash envelopes and sinking funds, but I keep thinking about this cash in the envelopes and plotting what I can spend it on. Has anyone else felt like this before? How did you get out of it? I want to learn to love saving, and feel good that I have a bit put by for emergencies, and be able to save for Christmas etc. 

Thank you.

ellenvan

Maybe transferring some straight away when you get paid, into Premium bonds or a savings account would suit you.
Then what is left in your current account is what is available to spend.

bubblemummy

Hi Ellen, thank you for your reply. I’m using a cash envelope system with sinking funds. I think, no matter what system I use, if there is spare cash I will be conjuring up ways in my head to spend it. I want to stop doing that, feel at peace with having some spare and not having any urges to spend it. It’s the psychological aspect I am struggling with. I hope that makes sense

SusieT

Can you try to rethink the money as how much interest could you get for your child (no idea how old they are) if you put it away - perhaps to help with a house deposit, or university fees? 
If they are young you could open a savings account for them and let them go with you to the branch and hand over the cash to put in "their" account, so you get the pleasure of seeing them learn to save? 
Plot to buy something "big" that is a need rather than a want or a must spend the money so that you have to save for it, do you own your house and want new windows or something? Do you have a pension that you could add to so that you can have earlier retirement? 
Somehow its a case of seeing saving extra money as being better than spending it. I think your grandmother would not have realised that her seeing your happiness at being able to spend the £10 has resulted in you having a compulsion to spend, she probably had the opposite as a child and unknowingly got a lot of pleasure at seeing you being able to spend when she probably did not have that luxury. 

KxMx

If you feel the urge to spend is very disruptive and affecting your mental health, then maybe something like Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) might help?
Your GP could point you in the right direction or local mental health service might accept self referrals.

JadedAngel88

bubblemummy said:

This may be long; so please bear with me.

I am crap with money and always have been. My gran used to give me £10 per week pocket money and send me down her local shop to spend it. I believe it was her encouragement to spend it that has contributed to my messed up attitude to spending. About 30 years ago I came into a sizeable inheritance which bypassed another family member. The family member’s spouse was disgusted by this. I have felt guilty ever since and I think this has also contributed to my crap attitude to money. To put it succinctly, if I have money I HAVE to spend it/get rid of it. I think deep down, I believe that I do not deserve to have it. With regard to the inheritance, this was invested in property.

After some very rocky years financially (single parent on a low salary), I am now in a position where I have a decent income, can pay my bills and have some left over. I have started budgeting with cash envelopes and sinking funds, but I keep thinking about this cash in the envelopes and plotting what I can spend it on. Has anyone else felt like this before? How did you get out of it? I want to learn to love saving, and feel good that I have a bit put by for emergencies, and be able to save for Christmas etc. 

Thank you.

I'm also carp with money and I use the cash envelope system too.

I used to do it digitally but would just spend the money anyway so now I take whatever is left, after the essential bills are sorted, out of the bank.

Do you allow yourself spending money within your budget?. I give myself 20 pounds per week that I can spend on whatever I like. Sometimes I don't spend any, sometimes I spend it all. But I think it helps me knowing that I can waste it on anything. 

I think it does take time to get used to any kind of budgeting, especially if it's  something that hasn't been done before, but if it is more on the side of compulsion then that will probably need professional help. 

Rob5342

Could you do the same as your gran and give yourself £x per week to spend, but also have standing orders that pay into savings accounts as soon as you get paid? We find it quite useful to save as soon as we are paid, then saving feels like a bill that we have to pay instead of beong discretionary. You could get you child a junior ISA which would lock the money away until they are 18. You could also get a fixed rate for yourself, with some, Nationwide for example, you have to go to a branch to close it early so the hassle of doing that might make you less likely to dip into it. Could you turn the compulsion to spend into a reason to save, for example deciding you want to buy a new house in x years time and giving yourself a target for the deposit you need? Have you looked at budgeting apps? That would make things easier to keep track of than having cash lying around everywhere.

It's easy to suggest things but a lot harder to implememt them, have you asked your GP for advice? They can help point you in the right direction even if things aren't strictly medical (we started a debt managment plan on the suggestion of the GP after my wife spoke to them about the stress having debts was causing her)   

AntoMac

Definitely speaking to your GP seems like good advice, to try to get to the bottom of what is causing you to feel like you do.
Does the family member’s spouse attitude still bother you? People can be really unpleasant when it comes to money. It was certainly not your fault that your relative thought highly enough of you to leave you the money.

RobM99

JadedAngel88 

Do you allow yourself spending money within your budget?. I give myself 20 pounds per week that I can spend on whatever I like. Sometimes I don't spend any, sometimes I spend it all. But I think it helps me knowing that I can waste it on anything. 

This is actually something I'm considering myself - a "slush-fund"!  Whether I spend it on coffee out, lottery, it doesn't matter. Whatever's left can go in a jar for - er - whatever I want!