Savings or Debt Repayment - Advice Please!

Skintdognotmillionaire

sunshine_raincloud said:

Just wanted to say I completely agree that you need to get your wife on board with this! Does she know the extent of the debt that you are in as a family? If you work together it will be so much easier and you won't feel like you are shouldering all of the stress. If you reduce your spending you will be able to start throwing more money at the debts and this will ease the mental burden of it all! Also as others have suggested having a look through your house and selling any unwanted items or clothes can be a great way to make some extra cash. It may not feel like a lot, but the odd £10-20 here and there really does start to add up. With regards to what to do with your savings, you need to do what you feel comfortable with. I would agree with keeping enough back to cover a new boiler and maybe a new car and then sending the rest to the debts. Clearing the cards with the smallest debts would be an easy win and might give you a boost but I personally might put it towards those with the highest interest. You can definitely do this and well done for posting and getting started with debt busting! 

Thanks -

I think my wife’s struggle with her mental health (serious childhood trauma) means that I try and shield her by not putting a lot of stress on her and doing everything myself. But it’s not easy.

Unfortunately her parents taught her very bad attitudes towards money and spending and it’s difficult to raise the subject without upsetting her.

I have spoken to her since this thread and we have looked at a snowball and what we can agree on using for debt repayments each month. 

Floss

Maybe you could let your wife read this thread?  And forgive me if this seems rude, but you mentioned not liking the food you buy - is that all of you, certain foods or one doesn't like what the other does?

Skintdognotmillionaire

Floss said:

Maybe you could let your wife read this thread?  And forgive me if this seems rude, but you mentioned not liking the food you buy - is that all of you, certain foods or one doesn't like what the other does?

Not rude at all!

I’d eat out of a bin if it meant being debt free. But my OH gets fed up of their being no variety. Im a good cook but have a fairly limited repertoire and little imagination. The kids, well, they are just very fussy and it’s almost impossible to find good nutritional food that everyone looks forward to. 

Schedule doesn’t help either. My OH works in retail and has either early morning or late evening shifts. I work 9-5s which means finding time for quality family meal time is diffficult. 

Hence all to often it’s a case of ‘Just do the kids X and we’ll order a Chinese once their in bed’ 

enthusiasticsaver

Unfortunately there is no pain free way of getting out of debt and if you have a debt consolidation loan then the likelihood is that you have been overspending for some years. You need your wife to be on board though and much as you want to protect her you aren’t doing either of you any favours if you don’t tackle this together. The chances are bills will rise over the next six months which will eat into your spare £100 a month. I suggest you cost up essential outgoings for your house/car and really cut back on entertainment which is an easy win. Maybe one takeaway a month as a treat and have a conversation as to what food you buy and who cooks. 

peteuk

Skintdognotmillionaire said:

I didn’t mean for this to seem insulting to others who are in reality struggling a lot more than we are so I apologise if it has come across that way.

Firstly I don’t feel that you need to apologise, your correct that there are others in worst positions however debt is such an odd thing.  Some people don’t like being over drawn at the bank or don’t trust credit cards.  Where others think nothing of thousand of pounds of debt.   What’s important is you’ve realised that this is now a problem for you. 

I also don’t think you’ll get far without the wife on board. She doesn’t need to do much but she need to know the full details and impact. 

From your SOA there’s a few things which may help…

Prescriptions - that’s two per month.  Is that for one person if so look at a season card.  Sadly they are per person but might save a few pence especially if they then get the odd additional prescription.  If its say one each then you’d need two, which wont work. 

Mobiles - are you in contract?  If not see what Sim only deals you provider can offer.  They might not give you a cost discount, but might have a cheaper package which they can boost with extra data. 

Look at all your contracts for Sky, Broadband.

Finally I want to wish you good luck with becoming debt free, its not easy but there is help and support on here.  You’ve made the first step of seeing there’s a problem, usually the hardest step. So keep going… 

kimwp

Skintdognotmillionaire said:

Floss said:

Maybe you could let your wife read this thread?  And forgive me if this seems rude, but you mentioned not liking the food you buy - is that all of you, certain foods or one doesn't like what the other does?

Not rude at all!

I’d eat out of a bin if it meant being debt free. But my OH gets fed up of their being no variety. Im a good cook but have a fairly limited repertoire and little imagination. The kids, well, they are just very fussy and it’s almost impossible to find good nutritional food that everyone looks forward to. 

Schedule doesn’t help either. My OH works in retail and has either early morning or late evening shifts. I work 9-5s which means finding time for quality family meal time is diffficult. 

Hence all to often it’s a case of ‘Just do the kids X and we’ll order a Chinese once their in bed’ 

I don't know if the programme eat well for less might help with this - it helps families increase their food repertoire and reduce their food bills, but whether it's useful as a learning tool, I'm not sure. I get the getting bored thing, I get stuck in a rut and order takeaways too, it's particularly worse when I'm tired or stressed. My sister lived in Guatemala for a bit and the family she stayed with had beans and rice for two meals a day, every day - it makes me wonder if food becomes boring because a variety of tasty food is easily available to us - aisles of tasty food, takeaways etc - we can have more so we want more.

I'm sure I've seen threads on meals on here, maybe try the old style moneysaving boards. Alternatively Google or BBC food are ace - search easy family pleasers and work your way through what appears until you find ones that work for you. 

Floss

Have a look on here - https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/categories/old-style-moneysaving

Would your OH cook for the whole family on the weeks they are on earlies, then you cook when they are at work? Then you could chill/ freeze their portion for their lunch the next day.

I do think you need to show your OH this thread, or at least go for a walk & have a non-confrontational, honest conversation about the family finances and go through your plans. It is unfair to plan things alone around money in a relationship, you are a partnership with small people for whom you are jointly responsible and you run the risk of creating trust issues down the line (as I have learnt from experience).

EssexHebridean

First things first - your SOA shows monthly savings for things like car maintenance and a holiday that I assume you are committed to - so remember if that amount in savings includes anything for which you put aside money monthly to remove that from the equation first!

If the holiday is not already a pre LBM commitment then think about shelving it in favour of a "staycation" with free or cheap activities from home, just appreciating spending time together and not being at work!  

Personally I would also ringfence some of your saved amount as a basic Emergency Fund in case of a crisis that was not possible to plan for. 

I agree with Kim on the works to the house - at the moment, if something is in imminent danger of catastrophic failure then get it fixed - if it's just cosmetic though live with it until you afford to make it look pretty. In your shoes I would also be revisiting some of the "fun" stuff on the SOA - and all the more so if it's making you feel even slightly resentful about where any surplus is ending up and who is managing it. Perhaps time for a revisit of how the finances work generally towards a central pot where income goes, with separate accounts for an agreed amount of "fun money" each which will still allow you to work towards being debt free?