Adult son's debt - my liability (he lives at my address)

Shaky_Jake

My son is 31 years old and lives at my house. He has long-standing psychological problems, and serious issues with debt and budgeting that have lasted over a decade and led to a family rift and estrangement from his mother and siblings. In short, I (his father) am the only one left who would take him in. On the plus side, at the moment he has a well-paid job and promises me that he is beginning to now clear his debts. He still owes money left, right and centre (including an old outstanding debt to myself) but he assures me that he is on top of things financially. But the letters just keep coming (he won't let me see any of this correspondence, and he's an adult so I can't really force him to do anything, but it's obvious that these letters are demands for money in some form or other).

I've tried for many years to help him - practically, psychologically and emotionally - to face his problems with and around money, but he still refuses to address the issue. The stress of bearing all of this alone has now begun to take a very heavy toll on my own physical and emotional health, and as this seems to not concern my son one jot, I've finally reached the limits of my tolerance and compassion. I can no longer afford (in all senses of the word) to care what the outcome of his financial affairs will be for him, because now I've got to try and mitigate any further unpleasant consequences for myself.

To that end, aside from keeping receipts and my own financial records, is there any way I can register some kind of official record of my own assets in the event that if he finally does cause debt collectors/bailffs to visit my house, I can at least try and salvage my own possessions at the end of all this? Or is the only way to avoid such an outcome to finally kick him out of my house and (correctly) claim he is 'no longer at this address'?

MEM62

You are not responsible for your son's debts.  If his situation gets as far as bailiffs calling at the door it would benefit you to have evidence of anything valuable that if yours.  That said, in such an event, you should not let the bailiffs have access to your house.  Keep them out and kick your son outside to speak with them.   

Sea_Shell

Firstly, if any do turn up, don't let them in.   Hopefully your son won't let them in either!!  Would he?

Once in, they can, as I understand it, seize goods unless you can "prove" they are not his.

So going forwards, yes, keep receipts for everything of any value you buy.   

This is more tricky for stuff you already have but no longer have receipts for...TV, computers etc.

Kicking him out is the ultimate solution, but even then it's hard to prove someone "doesn't" live somewhere anymore.

Sea_Shell

Ive just read your thread from April 19.

I'm guessing you didn't follow through evicting him in the 3 years since.

Did you make any progress or make any further "official" enquiries back then?  (That thread is now closed, so can't comment directly)

Sandtree

Sea_Shell said:

Firstly, if any do turn up, don't let them in.   Hopefully your son won't let them in either!!  Would he?

Once in, they can, as I understand it, seize goods unless you can "prove" they are not his.

Their powers on entry and taking items depends very much under what authority they are acting... if they are executing a high court writ then they've more options than if its a county court case... products regulated by the CCA cannot go for a high court writ and so credit cards, loans etc cannot be escalated but utilities, rent arrears etc typically arent and so can be.

Shaky_Jake

Sea_Shell said:

Ive just read your thread from April 19.

I'm guessing you didn't follow through evicting him in the 3 years since.

Did you make any progress or make any further "official" enquiries back then?  (That thread is now closed, so can't comment directly)

It was an extremely tricky situation but we eventually came to an agreement (after a final threat from me to evict him) about him paying the rent, which he now does (so I'm effectively writing that off as part-payment of the long-standing personal debt I mentioned upthread).

I also took back control of the household finances, so all utilily bills and actual payment of the rent (which I collect from him and pay to the landlord myself) are also back under my personal control so at least there are no arrears there. I think it's mostly demands concerning loans he's taken/taking out in his own name, thankfully.

I also didn't mention (because I didn't think it directly relevant here) that he has a severe hoarding problem which at one point I feared might place the tenacy in jeapoardy, but happily I have since discovered that the housing association has a dedicated hoarding team that have been able to help.


Thanks for your replies.