Talking about owing friends and family money

oheycj

Starting a conversation about owing money to parents, friends and partners ... 

What was it like asking someone close to you - has it affected your relationship with them?

barbarawright

Strange first post. Is this for an article?

Flugelhorn

barbarawright said:

Strange first post. Is this for an article?

probably - first post etc 

oheycj

Yeah first post! Something I'm particularly passionate about and have done some research in. Why did you find it so strange?

lordmountararat

I was pleased that a family member felt able to come to me and ask for help rather than getting a loan at some ridiculous usurious interest rate.

oheycj

I think it is a pleasing feeling! And a feeling of relief from the person asking. Are you expecting it back? Did you talk about those expectations? 

I was tempted to lend a friend money (a tiny probably insignificant amount!) for her housing deposit, because she told me about what she was having to go through asking all her family members...It was like a moral vetting that she had to go through. 

kimwp

What element of it are you passionate about? What did your research reveal?

RogerBareford

oheycj said:

Starting a conversation about owing money to parents, friends and partners ... 

What was it like asking someone close to you - has it affected your relationship with them?

A few years back i borrowed £2 off my mother to pay for something that was cash only (car parking) while i was out with her. I asked her if she wanted it back in cash or bank transfer and she was happy with a bank transfer so i did that shortly after on my banking app. There has been no effect on our relationship.

Is that the kind of thing your looking for?

oheycj

Funny Roger, really. I bet it set you up for life. 

Well informal borrowing and lending has a profound impact on our relationships. There was a study done by PAYM that found that 30% of people in the UK have lost a relationship over less than £100 owed. If you take into account the people who have lost money and relationship the number goes up to 50%. 

It's one of the few places where financial and social capital go hand in hand and, it can work out well, for example the other 50% who are growing their social capital and their access to financial capital ... 

When I was working in a homeless hostel in Camden, one of the things I would ask myself is why these people could live on someone's couch or with a parent etc. And quite often it was because they had burnt all of those bridges already. The number one cause of rough sleeping is relationship breakdown. People don't become homeless in an instant. It takes years of social and financial capital erosion. 

So, informal borrowing and lending is one of the upstream (if you will) behaviours that is having severe downstream impacts. And just because you might not be at risk of ending up homeless, it doesn't mean that you can't suffer the relationship impacts. 

kimwp

oheycj said:

Funny Roger, really. I bet it set you up for life. 

Well informal borrowing and lending has a profound impact on our relationships. There was a study done by PAYM that found that 30% of people in the UK have lost a relationship over less than £100 owed. If you take into account the people who have lost money and relationship the number goes up to 50%. 

It's one of the few places where financial and social capital go hand in hand and, it can work out well, for example the other 50% who are growing their social capital and their access to financial capital ... 

When I was working in a homeless hostel in Camden, one of the things I would ask myself is why these people could live on someone's couch or with a parent etc. And quite often it was because they had burnt all of those bridges already. The number one cause of rough sleeping is relationship breakdown. People don't become homeless in an instant. It takes years of social and financial capital erosion. 

So, informal borrowing and lending is one of the upstream (if you will) behaviours that is having severe downstream impacts. And just because you might not be at risk of ending up homeless, it doesn't mean that you can't suffer the relationship impacts. 

Did the relationship breakdown happen because the money was borrowed or because the money was borrowed and not repaid?