Baby Shower

Grumpy_chap

What is a "Baby Shower"?

Our lovely Niece is due her firstborn in September and has invited my Wife to her "Baby Shower" in July.  It is ladies only apparently.
We don't really know what a "Baby Shower" is and whether there is a custom or protocol around gifting. 
Can you buy "Baby Shower" cards?  
Would a gift be for the Baby or the Mother?  What about Dad?
Is it a token gift or a meaningful gift?

When our Nephew had his Daughter, there was no such event and we purposefully did not gift anything in advance (as we were concerned about creating sad memories if things did not go as planned with the birth).  As soon as she was born, we sent a bouquet for Mum and followed up with a congratulations card, a nice teddy bear and a cash gift to support them with whatever the little bundle of joy needed.  We plan to do the same for our Niece, so one option would be to give the teddy bear in advance at the Baby Shower and then the cash gift at birth.

[Deleted User]

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_shower

MalMonroe

Grumpy_chap said:

What is a "Baby Shower"?

Our lovely Niece is due her firstborn in September and has invited my Wife to her "Baby Shower" in July.  It is ladies only apparently.
We don't really know what a "Baby Shower" is and whether there is a custom or protocol around gifting. 
Can you buy "Baby Shower" cards?  
Would a gift be for the Baby or the Mother?  What about Dad?
Is it a token gift or a meaningful gift?

When our Nephew had his Daughter, there was no such event and we purposefully did not gift anything in advance (as we were concerned about creating sad memories if things did not go as planned with the birth).  As soon as she was born, we sent a bouquet for Mum and followed up with a congratulations card, a nice teddy bear and a cash gift to support them with whatever the little bundle of joy needed.  We plan to do the same for our Niece, so one option would be to give the teddy bear in advance at the Baby Shower and then the cash gift at birth.

A baby shower is yet another American custom that some Brits have adopted over here, along with 'proms', 'trick or treat' at Halloween (not a thing in my young day!), bridal showers, etc. 

It's just a party where yes, people have a get together with the expectant mum - sometimes with dad, sometimes without - and take gifts - usually for the baby but sometimes for the mum and sometimes for both parents, basically whatever the guest would like to give. The party can be a mix of men and women or just women, whichever the parents desire. But normally the Dads will go out and let the women get on with having a good time.

Like a lot of British people they make me feel a bit uncomfortable because, as you say, sometimes things don't always go as planned and also guests are expected to take gifts which seems a bit cheeky.  

I think your idea of giving the teddy bear in advance and the cash at birth is a good one. I hope your wife enjoys the party.   

Spendless

Having got relatives in Canada where these were common even years ago, for a long time I wanted to attend one. I got my wish last year and tbh I didn't find it that great.

Often they take the form of having afternoon tea somewhere (probably because expectant Mum isn't drinking). The one I went to they'd hired a room and done their own catering though it was limited. There were baby inspired party games to play eg a word search to do, but mostly it was sit and chat and have a catch up.

I too didn't know if you were meant to buy for baby or Mum. I asked a friend who said she buys for both. I ended up just buying for baby (an outfit, we knew the gender) as we live some distance away and thought it unlikely we'd see them around the time of the birth. The shower was held around 6 weeks before baby's due date. . 

Grumpy_chap

Thanks @Spendless - most of what you described sounds harmless enough, if a bit tiresome.  Hopefully it won't be too much "baby inspired games" as that will be something my wife will find harder having mis-carried when it was her turn...

Spendless

Grumpy_chap said:

Thanks @Spendless - most of what you described sounds harmless enough, if a bit tiresome.  Hopefully it won't be too much "baby inspired games" as that will be something my wife will find harder having mis-carried when it was her turn...

Ahhh that potentially puts a different spin on things especially if this was recent and/or you've not gone on to have children since.

Everything will be 'baby themed'. Presents are often opened and will be for the baby (eg at the one I attended there was a 'nappy cake' ). Maybe at an afternoon tea they'll be less chance of any games. As said I've only ever attended one but as well as the word search, we had a guess the baby's weight, guess it's arrival date. A 'baby inspired' quiz, we also had a couple of outside games but that's because it was a booked room with that facility.

I totally understand if your wife wouldn't want to attend. I once ducked out of a gathering at my sisters because she had 2 pregnant sisters in law whereas I'd recently lost my first. In that case send a present and make a polite excuse about  a clash with dates.

Grumpy_chap

Yes, sadly we never successfully started a family of our own.

Grumpy_chap

Thanks for the thoughts.  It is only next week when it will be my Niece's Baby Shower and we worked on the gift to get something small and suitable for mother or baby as a gift at the Baby Shower - Steiff Bear 2022.

My wife was all arranged to go and take Mum with her.  The original invites were clearly sent "ladies only"
Until a fortnight ago, when we all met up as an extended family and my Niece said to me "well, of course you can come if you wish as there will be other men there, Dad will be there and my Brother will be there". 
[Niece's Dad is my Brother and Niece's Brother is my Nephew]
No, the event will be at my Brother's house and my Nephew still lives at home, so Niece's Dad and Niece's Brother being there is really by default.
Circumstances (work overseas) mean that Niece's Husband won't be there.

So, I've said, that it seems the event is really only ladies and I still won't go.  
My wife now says that I am living up to my name and I should go.

Question One:  Should I go to my Niece's Baby Shower?

A further complication is that Niece No. 2 invited us (both ladies and gents invited) to her Baby Shower, which will be in a few months time.
I said to my wife that, as this was a joint invite, I would go. 
Bit concerned that if I go to Niece No. 2 Baby Shower, but not Niece No. 1 Baby Shower, it will look as though I am showing favouritism.

Question Two:  Should I go to Niece No. 2 Baby Shower?
Question Three:  Does the decision on Niece No. 2 Baby Shower influence whether I should go to Niece No. 1 Baby Shower (or vice-versa)?

Thanks in advance for the thoughts of the hive mind community.

C_J

Go to both of them, I expect your brother will like having you for male company while all the girls do their baby shower thing in another room.

By going to both, you won’t be showing any favouritism. I doubt you’ll enjoy either party, baby showers aren’t everyone’s cup of tea unless you enjoy nappy-themed games.

Grumpy_chap

Thank you for your thoughts C_J.

I also spoke with my neighbour, who suggested to simply follow the invites.  That has an understandable logic.

I remain undecided - it's a week to go until Baby Shower No. 1

Katiehound

Just go.
You and the other men can decamp to another room with the odd drinkie,   just show your face at the start and then creep off. IMHO if you attend only one event it might look as if your don't care about t'other even 'though only invited to one.

Don't live up to your name- be the life and soul of the party