Maintenance payments with shared care

in Child Support
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salesman1979salesman1979 Forumite
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My girlfriend and her ex husband have 50/50 care of their son. They each have 7 nights out of 14 on a 5/2 night split rota. 

Dad doesn’t pay maintenance. Mum gets CHB. Mum also sorts out doctors, schools etc.

Outside of the normal costs of having a child with you there are obviously other associated costs, namely clothing, school uniforms, hobbies etc. 

Mum pays for things like mobile phone, subscriptions, hobbies, additional tuition etc. Dad agreed to pay £10pm into a joint account which mum matches which is then used for things he needs, mostly clothes and uniforms. Dad insists on receipts before Mum is allowed to take money out. Dad never deals with anything, it’s always Mum who has to go out and buy everything. 

They had a recent dispute over swimming shorts which was laughable. Dad wouldn’t accept an order confirmation from Next as proof of purchase. He’s generally just difficult for the sake of it. He’s so difficult that she’s gone and bought things herself and not even tried to take the money back because she simply couldn’t be bothered arguing with him over £20 here and there. 

Can she make a claim via CMS? The alternative is that this pettiness goes on for another 7-8 years. God knows what will happen when son starts senior school and needs a whole new uniform and blazer etc that will no doubt cost far more than will be sat in the joint account. 

Replies

  • The_UnreadyThe_Unready Forumite
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    Dunno if she can claim, but certainly worth a try. Formalising the payments from that tight-fisted fool would serve him right!

    My sympathies for your partner!
  • salesman1979salesman1979 Forumite
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    He’s just so difficult all the time. 

    He uses CHB as an excuse to not have to contribute. As though he thinks it’s some bottomless pit of money. He point blank refuses to pay towards tuition costs claiming he just can’t afford it. 

    She did consider putting the CHB into the joint account and then having him agree that everything needed comes out of that. But ultimately that would just lead to even more arguments and she’d have even less flexibility. 
  • ZaSa1418ZaSa1418 Forumite
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    If they are on a 5/2 rota does he not have things at his house like uniform and clothes? 

    I think them having a joint account needs to stop and it might be worth them splitting costs in a different way, he pays for the stuff the child needs when it is his time and mum does the same. If the dad takes son to school then he needs to provide uniform etc

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  • tightauldgittightauldgit Forumite
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    My girlfriend and her ex husband have 50/50 care of their son. They each have 7 nights out of 14 on a 5/2 night split rota. 

    Dad doesn’t pay maintenance. Mum gets CHB. Mum also sorts out doctors, schools etc.

    Outside of the normal costs of having a child with you there are obviously other associated costs, namely clothing, school uniforms, hobbies etc. 

    Mum pays for things like mobile phone, subscriptions, hobbies, additional tuition etc. Dad agreed to pay £10pm into a joint account which mum matches which is then used for things he needs, mostly clothes and uniforms. Dad insists on receipts before Mum is allowed to take money out. Dad never deals with anything, it’s always Mum who has to go out and buy everything. 

    They had a recent dispute over swimming shorts which was laughable. Dad wouldn’t accept an order confirmation from Next as proof of purchase. He’s generally just difficult for the sake of it. He’s so difficult that she’s gone and bought things herself and not even tried to take the money back because she simply couldn’t be bothered arguing with him over £20 here and there. 

    Can she make a claim via CMS? The alternative is that this pettiness goes on for another 7-8 years. God knows what will happen when son starts senior school and needs a whole new uniform and blazer etc that will no doubt cost far more than will be sat in the joint account. 
    If they are 50/50 as you state then CMS is not going to award her any maintenance as the kids have equal time with both parents and therefore theoretically equal costs. 

    CHB isn't a huge amount but it should be enough to cover basic stuff like school uniform, a basic mobile phone plan and the odd necessary item of clothing. 

    Other things like hobbies and additional tuition are discretionary spending and unless he's agreed to contribute to them then there's not much you can do about it.

    He does sound as if he's being petty but your only real options are to be equally petty back or try to get on with things. 
  • edited 26 April at 2:10PM
    salesman1979salesman1979 Forumite
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    edited 26 April at 2:10PM
    My girlfriend and her ex husband have 50/50 care of their son. They each have 7 nights out of 14 on a 5/2 night split rota. 

    Dad doesn’t pay maintenance. Mum gets CHB. Mum also sorts out doctors, schools etc.

    Outside of the normal costs of having a child with you there are obviously other associated costs, namely clothing, school uniforms, hobbies etc. 

    Mum pays for things like mobile phone, subscriptions, hobbies, additional tuition etc. Dad agreed to pay £10pm into a joint account which mum matches which is then used for things he needs, mostly clothes and uniforms. Dad insists on receipts before Mum is allowed to take money out. Dad never deals with anything, it’s always Mum who has to go out and buy everything. 

    They had a recent dispute over swimming shorts which was laughable. Dad wouldn’t accept an order confirmation from Next as proof of purchase. He’s generally just difficult for the sake of it. He’s so difficult that she’s gone and bought things herself and not even tried to take the money back because she simply couldn’t be bothered arguing with him over £20 here and there. 

    Can she make a claim via CMS? The alternative is that this pettiness goes on for another 7-8 years. God knows what will happen when son starts senior school and needs a whole new uniform and blazer etc that will no doubt cost far more than will be sat in the joint account. 
    If they are 50/50 as you state then CMS is not going to award her any maintenance as the kids have equal time with both parents and therefore theoretically equal costs. 

    CHB isn't a huge amount but it should be enough to cover basic stuff like school uniform, a basic mobile phone plan and the odd necessary item of clothing. 

    Other things like hobbies and additional tuition are discretionary spending and unless he's agreed to contribute to them then there's not much you can do about it.

    He does sound as if he's being petty but your only real options are to be equally petty back or try to get on with things. 
    That’s a whole other issue. Obviously he was happy for these subscriptions and costs to be there when they had a joint account that both their wages went into and everything was paid out of that. But now he has to actually contribute from his own wage he just says she needs to pay it from CHB. In reality no parent is telling a child that they can no longer have their phone or online gaming subscription etc because their other parent refuses to contribute towards it. He knows she won’t leave their son without so he’ll happily put it back on her to cover all of this stuff. 

    He’s never said no to the tuition. If I recall he said he’d contribute if and when he could. But he just never has. I offered to cover some tuition costs thinking that once he found out that might spur him into action rather than having another man pay for his sons education but she said that would only confirm to him that he didn’t need to pay anything because I was paying it. 
  • ZaSa1418ZaSa1418 Forumite
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    My girlfriend and her ex husband have 50/50 care of their son. They each have 7 nights out of 14 on a 5/2 night split rota. 

    Dad doesn’t pay maintenance. Mum gets CHB. Mum also sorts out doctors, schools etc.

    Outside of the normal costs of having a child with you there are obviously other associated costs, namely clothing, school uniforms, hobbies etc. 

    Mum pays for things like mobile phone, subscriptions, hobbies, additional tuition etc. Dad agreed to pay £10pm into a joint account which mum matches which is then used for things he needs, mostly clothes and uniforms. Dad insists on receipts before Mum is allowed to take money out. Dad never deals with anything, it’s always Mum who has to go out and buy everything. 

    They had a recent dispute over swimming shorts which was laughable. Dad wouldn’t accept an order confirmation from Next as proof of purchase. He’s generally just difficult for the sake of it. He’s so difficult that she’s gone and bought things herself and not even tried to take the money back because she simply couldn’t be bothered arguing with him over £20 here and there. 

    Can she make a claim via CMS? The alternative is that this pettiness goes on for another 7-8 years. God knows what will happen when son starts senior school and needs a whole new uniform and blazer etc that will no doubt cost far more than will be sat in the joint account. 
    If they are 50/50 as you state then CMS is not going to award her any maintenance as the kids have equal time with both parents and therefore theoretically equal costs. 

    CHB isn't a huge amount but it should be enough to cover basic stuff like school uniform, a basic mobile phone plan and the odd necessary item of clothing. 

    Other things like hobbies and additional tuition are discretionary spending and unless he's agreed to contribute to them then there's not much you can do about it.

    He does sound as if he's being petty but your only real options are to be equally petty back or try to get on with things. 
    That’s a whole other issue. Obviously he was happy for these subscriptions and costs to be there when they had a joint account that both their wages went into and everything was paid out of that. But now he has to actually contribute from his own wage he just says she needs to pay it from CHB. In reality no parent is telling a child that they can no longer have their phone or online gaming subscription etc because their other parent refuses to contribute towards it. He knows she won’t leave their son without so he’ll happily put it back on her to cover all of this stuff. 

    He’s never said no to the tuition. If I recall he said he’d contribute if and when he could. But he just never has. I offered to cover some tuition costs thinking that once he found out that might spur him into action rather than having another man pay for his sons education but she said that would only confirm to him that he didn’t need to pay anything because I was paying it. 
    I imagine it was hugely different in many ways when they were both putting their wages in a joint account as i assume they were together, he also would have benefited from the child benefit money which he obviously doesn't now no matter how little it is in the grand scheme of things. 

    Your gf should tell him he needs to buy clothes, shoes and uniform for son at his house. Any extra curricular activities / mobiles / tutoring etc should be agreed upon before bought / signed up for so both parents stand with money.


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  • KxMxKxMx Forumite
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    It won't help now, but in the long term the children will realise how petty and tight their Dad is, realise that applied when they were young and lose a lot of respect for him. 
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