Currently clueless...aiming for awareness

Mumoffourkids

Just delurking to say we go to Cornwall every May half term and last year was horrendously busy. So much busier than it usually is. We went again this year but it definitely was quieter and back to normal. I think I agree it’s because no one could go abroad last year and this year loads of people have gone abroad.

canvascamper

Thanks @Mumoffourkids, that's reassuring! Last time it took 5 days of 8am phone calls to try and hire bikes for the camel trail!

Hope everyone has nice plans for the weekend. I'm currently watching the kids at gymnastics, have ordered OH some socks for father's day (£22 for 6 pairs - there's a matching pair for each child and OH) whilst I wait. I've brought a book but can't really be bothered to read it. I used to be a prolific reader but since kids I seem to have lost the capacity to get through more than a page. 

My awards dinner was nice, we didn't win but it was fun to get dressed up. Managed to stay out until midnight which is very impressive for me 🤣 only spend was a cab home for £20 - I pre-booked which saved me about £15.

Need to go to the shopping centre tomorrow - 10yo needs new PE kit and 7yo needs some joggers - I have no hand-me-down trousers for her because 10yo always wears out the knees, so I cut them into shorts. I've got £45 in the clothing budget still, as I didn't buy anything for the awards. I've bought a couple of bits off eBay last week so need to take out of the clothes pot to get an accurate balance. 

Our car exhaust is blowing so needs a repair, I'm hoping that won't be too expensive! OH bought some stuff online, some putty and tape, and repaired one bit, but the other section is in a bit he couldn't get to so it needs to go to the mechanic. I hate cars. Going to encourage one of the kids to be a mechanic to save me a fortune 😁. 

6 days to payday then I can update my balances. I think my overdraft has gone down a bit, it's £200 less than at this time last month, I have 10yo tutor to pay next week but nothing else substantial, subject to car repair. 

canvascamper

Well lovely MSE people, I get paid tomorrow but I just feel like such a failure, I'm making no headway at all into reducing my overdraft or credit cards except for minimum payments and it's all very frustrating because I feel like I'm trying hard but clearly it's not working.

I've had a horrendous week at work so maybe I'm too tired to understand it all tonight. I will look at all my balances at the weekend - tomorrow I have a 7am train to London for a long day - will be home around 9pm - so I should really be asleep but I'm lying here worrying instead. 

savingholmes

Even minimum payments is better than increased debt. Look at it again on a rest day.

cymruchris

Imagine where you might be if you hadn't put on the brakes. Imagine if you'd bought that extra nick-nack, spent a few pounds more on a meal out, got yourself an extra lunch, picked up some more toys for the kids. Yes - you do need to have a sit down and look again at improvements that can be made - but at least you've held ground. That's something to be thankful for although you haven't made any progress in reduction yet. 

Spendy_no_more

Hello CanvasCamper *waves frantically* 

I've just finished reading through your diary and you write beautifully by the way. I wanted to comment after your last post as see you're feeling a bit despondent but I wanted to echo how well you're doing in shifting your mindset which really does take a while to change. I wonder if the reason this isn't translating into financial gains / reductions is because there don't seem to be any tangible aims just yet (apologies of I'm wrong!) and therefore that makes it really hard to both track and achieve. For example when it comes to the overdraft, the approach seems to be more 'spend as less as humanly possible and then hopefully it'll be less next month', which is then such a hard thing to achieve as it tends to be a cross your fingers and hope it looks good when the salary comes in. I also think you'd find it much easier to track everything with some really defined spending pots. Currently it appears that the one spending pot you have (that gets topped up with the child benefit) has to cover everything from petrol to food to children's treats. I think that must make it so hard to keep a track of as everything is blended in one place, how do you truly know how much you've got allocated to petrol that month as an example? If it's all in one place then all areas then to creep and overspend and you don't quite know the culprit. I know you tried to do an SOA and it disappeared on you but if you can face it I'd strongly recommend you do one again with current and realistic figures. This will give you a good starting point and will enable you to clearly see, 'oh I spend £90 on petrol a month and allocate £120 to top up shops yet only have £200 in the total pot, no wonder I can't keep within budget'. I feel you're maybe starting with an incredibly small pot that has to cover 101 things and then feeling disappointed when it just can't fund it all. Doing an SOA and breaking everything out will allow you to see what you actually NEED for the month (and whether that split between your husband and you is still fair or his needs to up a bit due to increased costs / forgotten areas such as kids clothes) and from there you can actually see what should be surplus and can be allocated to a debt / overdraft reduction. 

Sorry for the long post, just occured to me having read from the beginning over a few day period. Hope this helps in some way and keep going! It will be worth it x

Sarahwithlove

I've just caught up on your diary. well done for getting started and keeping the debt down. I have noticed a reoccurring theme though when it comes to your kids, you seem to like buying them things or giving them nice things whenever they get disappointed or sad. whilst its a nice idea and I can understand the mummy guilt life unfortunately is always going to be filled with disappointment and what you don't want is to encourage them to "treat" themselves in the future and end up in this cycle of debt as a result. Also there seems to be a lot of buying odd things they want or unexpected expenses that really should be coming out of their pocket money to help them learn to budget better but also that they cant always have everything they want. When they are older they aren't going to remember that you said no to a book or toy, they will remember the times you had together and memories you make. A hug or bit of sympathy goes a long way when it comes to making a child feel better but they also need to learn to feel disappointment in the same way a child needs to learn to lose at games. 
Does your husband have any debts? Is he aware of how bad your situation is? I feel like really this should be something tackled between you as I doubt much of the extra has actually been spent on yourself by sounds of it, its on the kids. 

canvascamper

Hi lovely people 😊

Apologies for my minor tantrum last week. It really was a tough week on lots of fronts and I just felt really disheartened across the board.

I have actually gone through the figures at the weekend and things are not as bad as I had thought when I was in a strop. I have brought my overdraft down and have dented the debts, and bearing in mind that included OH birthday, half term and father's day it really wasn't as bad as it could have been. I will update the figures when I get chance this week. 

Points above are noted, I think I am getting my head around the idea of really needing a clear budget. @Spendy_no_more you've got it spot on, I'm just trying to 'not spend' which is unsustainable and stressful! @Sarahwithlove also correct - mumguilt is massive and I am definitely one for overcompensating with 'stuff'. This really runs deep for me for various reasons, not least that I feel responsible that 10yo is autistic because it runs in my family (yes I have psychotherapy, yes I know it's not something I should feel responsible for, but I'm a huge work in progress).

I did have to use my credit card on Friday to pay for car repair which was only £150 in the end. OH thinks he will have some surplus when he gets paid at the end of the month to pay that off.

Next big things are 7yo birthday at end of July and then summer holidays AKA money pit of doom. 

I really do appreciate all your cheerleading. It makes me feel much less alone. 

savingholmes

Genetics is not something you can be held responsible for... I'm in the same boat with ASD despite being diagnosed after my DD!

Financial freedom is a journey. You'll get there.

canvascamper

Hi friends 😊 still here plugging away...I've been a bit overwhelmed recently with work and kids and life so this diary has taken a bit of a back seat.
I have been diligently reading everyone else's though, and listening to some podcasts and stuff, so still learning and striving. I'm waiting on some news of a job offer that could make a huge massive difference to my finances, I had the selection day in February and I don't find out until August 😑 but it's nearly July so, it's creeping nearer.