Child support when care responsibilities are split

tightauldgit

finnan89 said:

Thanks for the advice above. 

I'm going to add a bit more detail - as my ex is again demanding extra money from me, and I just want to know where to draw the line.

My current understanding is as I pay her child maintenance and she is the resident parent with primary care I don't need to pay her any extra money.

I have them 6 nights a fortnight,, she has them 8.

However, as I'm the one that lives closest to the kids school, and i can drive, I have the kids on the day my ex works. I also work on these days it's just logistically easier for me to have the kids so they can get to where they need to be. This does mean though technically, 'my days', as my ex refers to them as, are more expensive as the kids require before and after school club. She therefore wants me to contribute extra to cover these costs - even though I'm doing these days as I feel it's the right thing for the kids.

I just wanted to double check that I shouldn't be paying any extra, as I just want to ensure I'm doing the right thing.

I'm worried that if I don't pay the extra, she'll not pay the before or after school club fees, which then means I'm potentially stuck, and I feel she may then use this as leverage in an argument for her to have the kids more.

I really hope the above makes some sort of sense - I've already put a referral in for mediation to try and resolve this with firmer legal support. There is also a history of me taking on credit card debt on her behalf in the past, so I've got debts from the relationship to pay off so I need to stop the demands for money, but equally I know I've got to do the right thing to provide for my kids.

You are responsible for childcare (and any other) costs on the days that are 'your days' and she is responsible for childcare costs on the days that are 'her days'. That's why your CMS payments are reduced based on the number of days that the child is in your care. 

TBagpuss

finnan89 said:

Thanks for the advice above. 

I'm going to add a bit more detail - as my ex is again demanding extra money from me, and I just want to know where to draw the line.

My current understanding is as I pay her child maintenance and she is the resident parent with primary care I don't need to pay her any extra money.

I have them 6 nights a fortnight,, she has them 8.

However, as I'm the one that lives closest to the kids school, and i can drive, I have the kids on the day my ex works. I also work on these days it's just logistically easier for me to have the kids so they can get to where they need to be. This does mean though technically, 'my days', as my ex refers to them as, are more expensive as the kids require before and after school club. She therefore wants me to contribute extra to cover these costs - even though I'm doing these days as I feel it's the right thing for the kids.

I just wanted to double check that I shouldn't be paying any extra, as I just want to ensure I'm doing the right thing.

I'm worried that if I don't pay the extra, she'll not pay the before or after school club fees, which then means I'm potentially stuck, and I feel she may then use this as leverage in an argument for her to have the kids more.

I really hope the above makes some sort of sense - I've already put a referral in for mediation to try and resolve this with firmer legal support. There is also a history of me taking on credit card debt on her behalf in the past, so I've got debts from the relationship to pay off so I need to stop the demands for money, but equally I know I've got to do the right thing to provide for my kids.

The CMS calcualtion is baed on your income and on the number of nights the childnen spend with you. You can chck the CMS calcualtorto see whether yon eed to pay any more or less.

The fact that you actually incur higher costs, or that the childnre may spend time with you on days they spend the night with her don't make any difference.

It's a very blut instrument.

However, if you are payingwht the CMS requires, and the children are then going to paid for child care as well then you don't have to pay for the clubs, if they are on days when the childnre sare officially in her care. 

If the childnre are with you those dysa then you could alwys suggest that they also spend that night with you. You would then be responsible for paying for any childcare needed on those days but your child support liability would change - if they were spending 7 nights with each of you neither of you would pay any maintenace, and if it meanst that they spent more than 7 nights with you then you would become the main carer and she would pay you mantenace, and you wouldbe eligable to claim the child benefit as well.

finnan89

Thanks for the above replies both fit in with other advice I've been given.

I particuarly agree with the assessment of CMS being a, 'blunt tool'. I do a lot for my kids during the daytime as I'm the parent that drives and lives in catchment of their schools. I'm definitely at 50% if not slightly more for 'daytime' care. However, because she has them for one extra night a fortnight (which isn't always technically true if she requests I pick up a night so she can do something for work, go out etc.) I'm having to pay a child maintenance payment of £250+ a month and don't qualify for the child benefit which also goes to her. My feeling is I want to do the right thing by my kids - but I do feel it's unfair that I'm having to pay the amount of money I am, and miss out on support over literally a couple of hours more that she has them per fortnight. I'd like to think it also goes without saying I'd like to see my kids as much as possible, but equally recognise I shouldn't overstep the 50% mark as she has a right to see them too. 

The way I see it is mediation is an option to move things forwards (and hope she agrees to full shared care with no child maintenance paid - highly unlikely given the financial hit she'd take)

Or I try to get a court order for shared care - but there's no guarantee that would lead to a change from the current set up and I'd just end up wasting money to have the same outcome as I do now. 

AnnieB2018

Not sure if that’s of any help but it could be worth thinking about the money and effort as two separate things. Instead of paying minimum maintenance, pay a bit more perhaps £300pm and do not engage in any further discussions when asked for more money.
Forget about the child benefit, no matter who gets it the money benefits your children so that’s the end of it.
Effort with the kids…you do your best by the sounds of it so carry on! Some months you will do a bit less than others, some a bit more. But sorry it doesn’t mean either of you should reimburse each other by a £20 to even out the score.
What would your kids think reading this thread, you feeling resentful for picking them up from school and paying for their clubs!? Try taking the feelings out of child maintenance and enjoy time with the kids 🙂

tightauldgit

finnan89 said:

Thanks for the above replies both fit in with other advice I've been given.

I particuarly agree with the assessment of CMS being a, 'blunt tool'. I do a lot for my kids during the daytime as I'm the parent that drives and lives in catchment of their schools. I'm definitely at 50% if not slightly more for 'daytime' care. However, because she has them for one extra night a fortnight (which isn't always technically true if she requests I pick up a night so she can do something for work, go out etc.) I'm having to pay a child maintenance payment of £250+ a month and don't qualify for the child benefit which also goes to her. My feeling is I want to do the right thing by my kids - but I do feel it's unfair that I'm having to pay the amount of money I am, and miss out on support over literally a couple of hours more that she has them per fortnight. I'd like to think it also goes without saying I'd like to see my kids as much as possible, but equally recognise I shouldn't overstep the 50% mark as she has a right to see them too. 

The way I see it is mediation is an option to move things forwards (and hope she agrees to full shared care with no child maintenance paid - highly unlikely given the financial hit she'd take)

Or I try to get a court order for shared care - but there's no guarantee that would lead to a change from the current set up and I'd just end up wasting money to have the same outcome as I do now. 

Getting a court order is not that expensive at all. It's £200 to make an application (plus the cost of the MIAM but you said you want to do mediation anyway) and no solicitor is required to go through the process if, as it seems you are, you are reasonably capable of putting together a coherent argument. You might not win but you certainly won't be any worse off at the end of it. 

If you feel like you are doing 50/50 care anyway then you can say to the court that you want to formalise and tidy up the current arrangement so that it provides stability for your child. Don't make it about money as a court is not going to like that argument.

If you feel that 'the odd extra night' actually takes you over the 50/50 mark anyway then you can try making a case to the CMS that your child is spending more than 50% of nights with you currently. if you have evidence of emails etc showing the extra days then CMS may be willing to adjust that.

Mark_Spade

Where day-to-day care is shared equally, number of nights spent with any one parent is not the deciding factor. If shared equally, neither parent has CM liability.