Morals question with regard to own expenditure on someone under my LPA

Topher

My sister and I share LPA for Health & Welfare and also for finance for our mother. Because I live the nearest, when we had to activate the LPA, (she has dementia and had started gifting £1,000 cheques to anybody and everybody) I took over Mum’s banking, so now handle her money for her. (I’ve managed to get her various benefits and rebates that she was entitled to and built her account back up to pre- giveaway bonanza levels) I am absolutely scrupulous about handling spending on her behalf and openness with my sister about what I do & keep files of her accounts, bills, receipts etc. I spend regular time paying her bills and managing her care with a private company. I have my sister’s bank details for bank transfers from Mum’s account but not mine. I lost my teaching job and have zero income so my husband’s income is what he and I Iive off so essentially my fuel and transport costs are paid for by my husband. I buy Mum’s groceries fortnightly, take them to her house, unpack them, and check other aspects of her day to day living and socialise a bit with her. The journey to and from her house is a 22 mile round trip. I consider the regular grocery drop visit a journey I would do normally by way of keeping up contact with her. However there are often incidents (gas boiler breaking, a rat infestation, something going wrong with who she has in for cleaning, medical emergencies, falls etc.) that mean I have to do multiple trips to and from her house. So last week for example I made five journeys do deal with things for her - sometimes this is really inconvenient.  I’m trying to be economical with our domestic budgeting and noticed that my last refill of diesel got used up more quickly than usual, and think that excessive numbers of visits to Mum’s for management purposes used up a large percentage of that fuel. Would it be fair do you think, to pay myself some money from Mum’s bank account to cover fuel costs? Or use her card to pay for one in every so many fuel tank refills? 

KxMx

I think it's absolutely fair that your Mum's money pays for some fuel because you are only using it up because she requires so many visits.

The best person to run this by would be your sister. 

Rosa_Damascena

OP - is your mother well enough to live alone? Cognitive decline can be unpredictable, and it is worth you and your sister discussing your mother's future wishes with her sooner rather than later.

joedenise

I would say exactly the same as @KxMx.  Those are additional journeys to your regular fortnightly grocery shopping and visit.

Happy_Sloth

yes it's perfectly reasonable,

However i would make sure it's all above board and run it past your sister.  I know my sister would be more than happy for me to do this if i was helping mum,  but I'd still ask her opinion so it was a "Joint" decision over mums finances. 

Decide between you how much is reasonable and stick to the agreed amount.  it's only fair and reasonable... it saves any awkward misunderstandings or bad feelings.  

elsien

It’s not just the fuel, it’s the extra wear and tear on the car as well. I don’t think it would be unreasonable to work out a per mile amount which covers not only the petrol but also a bit extra on top. 

MatyMoo

Very different circumstances but my sister lived abroad for many years and my nieces were here at boarding school. We agreed a mileage allowance for school trips & airport runs that included an amount towards wear & tear too. Don’t forget that you are increasing your mileage as well as expense. 

I would only be doing it with the full agreement of your sister though. 

Rosa_Damascena

Topher said:

I lost my teaching job and have zero income so my husband’s income is what he and I Iive off so essentially my fuel and transport costs are paid for by my husband. I buy Mum’s groceries fortnightly, take them to her house, unpack them, and check other aspects of her day to day living and socialise a bit with her. 

Does this mount up to 35hrs+ pw? You could qualify for carer's allowance.

There are lots of teaching jobs around if income maximisation is the aim, but one big problem is the lack of flexibility teaching offers. I don't see how you could manage this with the unpredictability of looking after your mother.

Topher

Rosa_Damascena said:

OP - is your mother well enough to live alone? Cognitive decline can be unpredictable, and it is worth you and your sister discussing your mother's future wishes with her sooner rather than later.

It feels as if this is discussed all the time. She has vascular dementia, which is progressing so far more slowly than predicted, (since diagnosis in 2018) but we’re aware that can change. She’s dug her heels in several times when we’ve offered to sell her house and move her nearer to me being …. Shall we say …. less than gracious about the idea. When she had full capacity, she was determined not to be a burden, also to only leave her ancient house feet first. Eventually, with trying to respect her wishes mingled with thinking and planning for her, we ended up skipping the stage where she lives independently but close to assistance,  leaving her in her own home with increased paid for support, until she loses physical capacity, & may need to be in a care home. Up to date she’s still a physically strong woman - although not motivated to be in anyway active. As with many carers I’ve consulted, you can plan all you like, mostly one ends up reacting to stages of change - the events that trigger change are always the ones you didn’t think of in the planning. 

Topher

Rosa_Damascena said:

Topher said:

I lost my teaching job and have zero income so my husband’s income is what he and I Iive off so essentially my fuel and transport costs are paid for by my husband. I buy Mum’s groceries fortnightly, take them to her house, unpack them, and check other aspects of her day to day living and socialise a bit with her. 

Does this mount up to 35hrs+ pw? You could qualify for carer's allowance.

There are lots of teaching jobs around if income maximisation is the aim, but one big problem is the lack of flexibility teaching offers. I don't see how you could manage this with the unpredictability of looking after your mother.

What I do for her rarely adds up to 35 hours per week. Three years ago I went through the process of securing Attendance allowance for her (meaning she gets the money put into her bank account) as I was advised by the guys at DWP department that although the application process for that was drawn out and intensive, (and it was), qualification for Attendance allowance was like a passport to future allowances and benefits should they arise (i.e. all the investigations, proofs and groundwork will have been thorough and passed by appropriate govt. departments so are used to short cut future applications). This means Care allowance would be a relatively easy add on. I just don’t want to “work for her”. I don’t wish to discuss that in detail here, but I have been beholden to her in the “work” capacity before & it damaged some of our dynamic and she definitely “got her money’s worth”. I have to draw some very clear lines regarding family expectations and her expectations about my role. 

Floss

You're not "working for her" but you are caring for her as any paid carer would do. 
Applying for carer's allowance would mitigate some of those expenses and allow you to not worry about the cost of getting to your mum if she needs you. It's  just the Government paying your mileage 😉