Parents health deteriorating

FrankRizzo

Hello,

Sorry hope this is the correct forum channel to put this - think my question relates to potential tax issues for myself and potentially my parents...

My parents health has really started to deteriorate and I can tell the usual every day chores are getting harder for them.  I feel guilty as I have so much going on in my own life and struggle to be 4 places at the one time. My guilt is really stressing me out and I am thinking about going part time as would rather take the financial cut to help them.  They are too proud and stubborn to get help in, so I am the only option. They also have always said they will not go into a care home, so that is out the option, they are committed to dieing in their own house.

They are financially very comfortable and rather than paying a carer, cleaner, handyman, etc could they make monthly payments to myself which might not cover my financial loss from my salary but at least help bridge the gap? Would I just do a simple HMRC self assessment each year? Would they have to do any HMRC stuff - if so that would be a problem.

Likewise if my parents had financial difficulty in the future I would be the one who would support them.

Any help appreciated!

  

Alter_ego

Sounds like an LPA would be useful, although it won't answer your question.

DoublePolaroid

I work in health care. Being a full time carer (and however it starts, it often eventually becomes full time) is a very difficult job, especially when it’s your parents. Assuming they decline gradually, the tasks required of you may progress from cleaning the house from time to time and helping them get from bedroom to living room to helping them bathe and toilet multiple times, day and night. I have also seen people become resentful of those under their care, especially when the help is coming due to a sense of duty, obligation or guilt. Throw in your own family and a part time job it is a recipe for the potential deterioration of your own mental and physical health. 

Of course none of that may happen, I am speculating based on the information given. Furthermore many folk have no choice but to help out with loved ones because if they are not well off then the provision of care from the state can be tardy and inadequate. 

I’m sorry that I haven’t answered your question but I would suggest you have a full and frank conversation with your folks given they sound like they have the financial resources and try to convince them to accept professional help/care. If they do not now, they may need to in future anyway. Furthermore, as they will be self funding they can afford to be picky about who they choose. Depending on how much you stand to lose in reducing your hours, even a live in carer may be cost efficient. 

If that is difficult or would be to no avail then perhaps it might be worth suggesting they chat to their GP. It can be easier for some people to accept the need for help when it comes from a professional third party rather than family. 

Best of luck to you and them. 

FrankRizzo

Thanks. I am attorney on their will.

FrankRizzo

DoublePolaroid said:

I work in health care. Being a full time carer (and however it starts, it often eventually becomes full time) is a very difficult job, especially when it’s your parents. Assuming they decline gradually, the tasks required of you may progress from cleaning the house from time to time and helping them get from bedroom to living room to helping them bathe and toilet multiple times, day and night. I have also seen people become resentful of those under their care, especially when the help is coming due to a sense of duty, obligation or guilt. Throw in your own family and a part time job it is a recipe for the potential deterioration of your own mental and physical health. 

Of course none of that may happen, I am speculating based on the information given. Furthermore many folk have no choice but to help out with loved ones because if they are not well off then the provision of care from the state can be tardy and inadequate. 

I’m sorry that I haven’t answered your question but I would suggest you have a full and frank conversation with your folks given they sound like they have the financial resources and try to convince them to accept professional help/care. If they do not now, they may need to in future anyway. Furthermore, as they will be self funding they can afford to be picky about who they choose. Depending on how much you stand to lose in reducing your hours, even a live in carer may be cost efficient. 

If that is difficult or would be to no avail then perhaps it might be worth suggesting they chat to their GP. It can be easier for some people to accept the need for help when it comes from a professional third party rather than family. 

Best of luck to you and them. 

Thank you so much for reply and your advice - i definitely need to hear this as I have no elderly relations etc and therefore no experience to help make informed decisions.

When it gets to more advanced help like bathing/toilet, then professional care will need to be put in place.

I really don't know the extent of what professional care services provide - can they take them to hospital appointments, can they offer shopping services, even handyman services like boiler, plumping, roofing repairs? They are very house proud and with my dad no longer being able to do or organise these things, I am now often called upon.

DCFC79

Age uk might help with your questions re handyman services in the area, maybe boiler etc too.
Regarding shopping services, I've seen elderly being assisted by carers ( Im sure there are agencies who would provide help to do a shop) doing the weekly shop.

SiliconChip

FrankRizzo said:

Thanks. I am attorney on their will.

I don't believe a Will can make you the type of attorney that was referred to by Alter_ego, you probably need to set up financial and welfare Lasting Power of Attorney for both your parents (note that LPA expires on the death of the donor, at which point the provisions of the Will come into effect).

https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

DoublePolaroid

FrankRizzo said:

DoublePolaroid said:

I work in health care. Being a full time carer (and however it starts, it often eventually becomes full time) is a very difficult job, especially when it’s your parents. Assuming they decline gradually, the tasks required of you may progress from cleaning the house from time to time and helping them get from bedroom to living room to helping them bathe and toilet multiple times, day and night. I have also seen people become resentful of those under their care, especially when the help is coming due to a sense of duty, obligation or guilt. Throw in your own family and a part time job it is a recipe for the potential deterioration of your own mental and physical health. 

Of course none of that may happen, I am speculating based on the information given. Furthermore many folk have no choice but to help out with loved ones because if they are not well off then the provision of care from the state can be tardy and inadequate. 

I’m sorry that I haven’t answered your question but I would suggest you have a full and frank conversation with your folks given they sound like they have the financial resources and try to convince them to accept professional help/care. If they do not now, they may need to in future anyway. Furthermore, as they will be self funding they can afford to be picky about who they choose. Depending on how much you stand to lose in reducing your hours, even a live in carer may be cost efficient. 

If that is difficult or would be to no avail then perhaps it might be worth suggesting they chat to their GP. It can be easier for some people to accept the need for help when it comes from a professional third party rather than family. 

Best of luck to you and them. 

Thank you so much for reply and your advice - i definitely need to hear this as I have no elderly relations etc and therefore no experience to help make informed decisions.

When it gets to more advanced help like bathing/toilet, then professional care will need to be put in place.

I really don't know the extent of what professional care services provide - can they take them to hospital appointments, can they offer shopping services, even handyman services like boiler, plumping, roofing repairs? They are very house proud and with my dad no longer being able to do or organise these things, I am now often called upon.

There are different levels of care ranging from ad hoc, to regularly scheduled (e.g. a morning and evening call) right up to a live in carer.

Most people with a formal care package have daily scheduled visits ranging from once a day to four times a day. They will routinely do thinks like help prepare meals, help with dressing/toileting/bathing and supervising administration of medication. A good live-in carer would do all of those things as well as domestic work, going out to do the shopping and taking them to hospital/GP appointments, in exchange for a wage and a room to stay in. The finer points of their responsibilities would be negotiable, I'm sure. Cleaners can be employed additionally/separately as required. Even the best carers probably wouldn't be able to help with handyman services, beyond potentially helping to organise somebody professional to come in, as you or I might do. As with any service you may get more or less depending on the person. Social services and/or AGE UK as signposted by DCFC79 above, ought to be able to help you identify reputable agencies to choose from.

xylophone

Thanks. I am attorney on their will.

An Attorney is not the same as the executor of a will.

Indeed, the Power of Attorney ends with the death of the donor (although it is perfectly possible, even quite common, for a person to be named as Attorney while the donor lives and as executor of his will after death).

See https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney - this needs to be arranged asap while your parents have full capacity.

xylophone

They are financially very comfortable and rather than paying a carer, cleaner, handyman, etc could they make monthly payments to myself which might not cover my financial loss from my salary but at least help bridge the gap? 

Your parents could employ you as a carer.

https://www.gov.uk/au-pairs-employment-law

Snozzle

They can make regular (monthly / weekly etc) payments to you.  From the Government website:

You can make regular payments to help with another person’s living costs. There’s no limit to how much you can give tax free, as long as:

• you can afford the payments after meeting your usual living costs
• you pay from your regular monthly income