Oh boy, where do I begin...

Chrisabian

I'm in a sticky situation at the moment. I've spent a lot of the year battling pretty severe depression, and as a result my relationship has broken down and we have separated. It's not the only factor, but has contributed. Such is life. We're not married, but we own a house together. I'm now in a position where I need to clear debt and raise funds to try and buy her out. Unfortunately she put down a much bigger deposit than me - I've been paying more of the mortgage since we moved in to start paying her back, and there was no real rush to do this - but obviously now there is. We've signed a joint 50/50 agreement, but I guess if she wanted too she could prove that most of the deposit was hers, and I do want to try and pay it back anyway. It's not a bad split thankfully - we just fizzled out and are still friendly, and living together because financially it just makes sense for both of us right now. But obviously eventually, we will part ways completely...

Really need some help getting this into a concrete plan, hopefully you guys may be kind enough and able to assist!

Here is a summary of what is owed:

House
Ex-Partner: £10225.80 until 50/50 - £7600 of a £9,000 deposit + house items.

Personal
Credit Card: £3871.49 - 0% until August 2024 (MBNA)
Loan: £3422.80 - 7.9% until September 2024 (Ratesetter)

Total: £17525.09

Monthly Outgoings
Mortgage: £575.38
Council Tax: £125
Energy: £55.70
Water: £21
Insurance: £23.68
TV/Internet: £47.99
TV License: £13.37
Spotify/Netflix: £23.98
Pet Insurance: £30.44
Credit Card: £75-80
Loan: £109.15
Football Season Ticket: £30
Phone: £16.44
Unison: £11.50

Monthly Income
Employment: £1436.17 before overtime - Work know my situation and have kindly given me approximately 8-10 hours overtime per week - because of my mental health situation they're a bit cautious about allowing any more which I understand - I've been doing 8am-6pm instead of 9am-5pm roughly 6 weeks now and I'm not sure I can do much more than that anyway without burning out. My first bundle of overtime arrives 23rd December for what I worked in November, which was 28 hours. The plan is half to the ex, half to my debts.

Ex: Ex-partner is currently paying £150-200 a month towards the house bills, which usually come out at around £460. So I'm paying back £250-£300 a month currently.

Side Hustle: I used to do some online marketing and get about £100 a month from this still, which will end in June.

Total Estimated Income
£1700 + overtime

Total Estimated Expenditure
£1133.63

Monthly Estimated Remaining
£500-600

Plan Going Forward
This is where my head just gets really cloudy. I'm sure if you've made it this far you're wondering why I don't just sell the house, which would be an obvious step. I'm absolutely desperate to keep my house as number one priority. I'm finally on the housing ladder, I have pets that I will not give up for anything, so I need to exhaust every possible option to buy my ex out and keep it. My parents want to help me in any way they can but they have a mortgage of their own for four more years. Thankfully there's no immediate hurry to get this sorted, as we're both living there and co-existing fine, but long-term it's obviously not healthy.

There's some wiggle room with my money left over, but not much, and I don't know where to start really. I do live pretty frugally - I don't drive, I don't smoke or drink. My only real social expenditure is my football, £30 a month for my season ticket, £20 for the train travel. I do spend a bit on takeaways but I have cut that back significantly, I only have one on a Friday and possibly Saturday night now. I buy my lunch at work every day, about £6-7, so that's an obvious cutback I can make. 

I think I just need to take this day by day, try and spend as little as I possibly can and anything I have left over, chuck at a debt? Obviously Christmas coming which I have zero interest in doesn't help but my family understands the situation, it will be 1 gift and that's it.

If I can organise this any better or provide any more information, please let me know. I really need some support and advice from here on how to get out of this mess.

The beauty of hindsight, eh!

curlytop12

hi, my first step would be to complete a statement of affairs, linked, as there are categories missing off your list i imagine. format for MSE and then we can see what's what. There is lots of expertise on this forum,good luck

https://www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa.php

EssexHebridean

Curlytop is spot on with the SOA advice - the list you've put there is the basics, but also has a LOT missed off - food and clothing are the two obvious bits, and while I'm sure you could manage without one of those (although your employer may not agree!) I'm certain you can't manage without the other! 

As an example of how spending "relatively" small amounts mounts up by the way - assuming £6 a day for lunch, you realise that's around £1400 a year right there? Similarly, a takeaway a week - what, maybe £8 a time? - another £400.

When you do the SOA make it as open and honest as you can - this is about what you're spending right now, not what you think you should be!  The aim is going to be to take the "estimated" out of your figures and set out a proper basis for a budget. 

TheAble

How does buying someone out of a house work? Market value less mortgage all divided by two (assuming you both put in equal shares)? Then make an adjustment to take into account the extra she put in?

I guess the bank would need to agree too to let you take on the full mortgage. May be a stretch on your current income but you can have the conversation - they might extend the term etc.

Pixie5740

How much of a mortgage would you need to take on to buy your ex out?

enthusiasticsaver

It is the little savings which add up over time so I wonder if cutting back on 8 takeaways a month and spending £150 a month on lunch at work would help. My guess is that would save over £200 a month. Maybe cut back to one lunch at work a week and a takeaway twice a month? 

You need to see if getting a mortgage on your own is feasible and for that we need that we need to know your annual gross income and mortgage balance. Any debt you have like your loan and credit card will also impact on how much you can borrow on your own. The debt to your partner won’t impact on it. 

Sanctioned_Parts_List

TheAble said:

How does buying someone out of a house work? Market value less mortgage all divided by two (assuming you both put in equal shares)? Then make an adjustment to take into account the extra she put in?

I guess the bank would need to agree too to let you take on the full mortgage. May be a stretch on your current income but you can have the conversation - they might extend the term etc.

We did this in the opposite direction last year, when turning our house into a BTL house - it had been solely in my name, and made tax sense for my wife to own half of it. This was accomplished as a deed of transfer and a remortgage.

We could do this very efficiently as passing capital between spouses is exempt from all tax (stamp duty, etc.)

Unfortunately, as OP is not married to his ex, this becomes decidedly less efficient - his deed of transfer would essentially be repurchasing his home. That means, obtaining a mortgage to the full value of the house in his name only, paying solicitor fees, searches, surveys, arrangement fees, and... nasty sting in the tail... stamp duty. Again. The exact mechanics of how much equity OP's ex takes from the deal is a matter of negotiation between the two.

OP may want to ask parts of his question on the housing board, if he returns. 

TheAble

Sanctioned_Parts_List said:

TheAble said:

How does buying someone out of a house work? Market value less mortgage all divided by two (assuming you both put in equal shares)? Then make an adjustment to take into account the extra she put in?

I guess the bank would need to agree too to let you take on the full mortgage. May be a stretch on your current income but you can have the conversation - they might extend the term etc.

We did this in the opposite direction last year, when turning our house into a BTL house - it had been solely in my name, and made tax sense for my wife to own half of it. This was accomplished as a deed of transfer and a remortgage.

We could do this very efficiently as passing capital between spouses is exempt from all tax (stamp duty, etc.)

Unfortunately, as OP is not married to his ex, this becomes decidedly less efficient - his deed of transfer would essentially be repurchasing his home. That means, obtaining a mortgage to the full value of the house in his name only, paying solicitor fees, searches, surveys, arrangement fees, and... nasty sting in the tail... stamp duty. Again. The exact mechanics of how much equity OP's ex takes from the deal is a matter of negotiation between the two.

OP may want to ask parts of his question on the housing board, if he returns. 

Very interesting info thank you :-) I've often wondered how it works in practical terms.

Does sound very costly though, unfortunately...

fatbelly

 I'm now in a position where I need to clear debt and raise funds to try and buy her out. Unfortunately she put down a much bigger deposit than me - I've been paying more of the mortgage since we moved in to start paying her back, and there was no real rush to do this - but obviously now there is. 

Why? She's living there with you. Even if she moves out, she just treats it as an appreciating asset while you pay the mortgage. If I were you I'd just concentrate on clearing your debts - starting with the ratesetter loan. 

AntoMac

As your relationship with your ex seems fairly cordial still, have you spoken with her to see how she wants the split to work/how soon she wants paying back etc?

Chrisabian

Sorry for the delay everyone, I tried to enjoy the festive downtime before the focus turns to this fully.

[font=courier new][b]Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet[/b][b]

Household Information[/b]

Number of adults in household........... 2

Number of children in household......... 0

Number of cars owned.................... 0[b]

Monthly Income Details[/b]

Monthly income after tax................ 1436.17

Partners monthly income after tax....... 0

Benefits................................ 0

Other income............................ 380[b]

Total monthly income.................... 1816.17[/b][b]

Monthly Expense Details[/b]

Mortgage................................ 575

Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0

Rent.................................... 0

Management charge (leasehold property).. 0

Council tax............................. 125

Electricity............................. 41

Gas..................................... 22

Oil..................................... 0

Water rates............................. 20

Telephone (land line)................... 0

Mobile phone............................ 16

TV Licence.............................. 13.37

Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0

Internet Services....................... 47.99

Groceries etc. ......................... 200

Clothing................................ 100

Petrol/diesel........................... 0

Road tax................................ 0

Car Insurance........................... 0

Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0

Car parking............................. 0

Other travel............................ 125

Childcare/nursery....................... 0

Other child related expenses............ 0

Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 10

Pet insurance/vet bills................. 30.44

Buildings insurance..................... 11.84

Contents insurance...................... 11.84

Life assurance ......................... 0

Other insurance......................... 0

Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 100

Haircuts................................ 15

Entertainment........................... 150

Holiday................................. 0

Emergency fund.......................... 0[b]

Total monthly expenses.................. 1614.48[/b]

[b]

Assets[/b]

Cash.................................... 0

House value (Gross)..................... 147500

Shares and bonds........................ 0

Car(s).................................. 0

Other assets............................ 0[b]

Total Assets............................ 147500[/b]

[b]

Secured & HP Debts[/b]

Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR

Mortgage...................... 134.108..(575)......2.94[b]

Total secured & HP debts...... 134.11....-.........-   [/b]

[b]Unsecured Debts[/b]

Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR

Credit Card....................3871.49...80........0

Loan...........................3422.8....109.......7.9[b]

Total unsecured debts..........7294.29...189.......-  [/b]

[b]

Monthly Budget Summary[/b]

Total monthly income.................... 1,816.17

Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,614.48

Available for debt repayments........... 201.69

Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 189[b]

Amount left after debt repayments....... 12.69[/b]

[b]Personal Balance Sheet Summary[/b]

Total assets (things you own)........... 147,500

Total HP & Secured debt................. -134.11

Total Unsecured debt.................... -7,294.29[b]

Net Assets.............................. 140,071.6[/b]

[i]Created using the SOA calculator at www.LemonFool.co.uk.

Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.[/i][/font]

Struggled to fill some of this out but have done it as honestly as I can. I really don't spend anything on clothing until I 'need' something - a new shirt, new trainers etc. I bought a new shirt for £25 in September - that was my last clothing purchase. I just don't spend on clothing 'casually'.

I've estimated a £50 a week food budget inc. any takeaways. Again I really don't eat much at the moment as I'm dieting so I really don't indulge a lot. My meals are very basic as I'm doing CICO (calorie in, calorie out). I shop at 'budget' places like Lidl, Farmfoods etc.

I've included an estimate of £300 overtime under income for now as I'll be doing that for the foreseeable future. 

Other Travel: Really this fluctuates a lot depending on what I'm doing. I travel by bus primarily and buy '10 trip' tickets for £17 - I may use 5 in one week, may use 2 etc. I walk to work (roughly 30 mins walk) unless the weather is particularly bad. I use train travel max 3 times a month for football at £20.20 return. 

Entertainment: I've included Netflix/Spotify and the £30 football ticket under this. Again it's a difficult one to estimate - my social life has fell off a cliff since Covid/the split. I primarily have friends over/go to friends which doesn't usually bring any cost. The odd cinema visit at £8 a ticket, a few drinks in Spoons - under £10? I used to bet on football/horses but haven't had a bet for months. I have a couple of gigs in January but have free lifts, tickets paid for ages ago...

The biggest savings I could make is probably my internet/tv at £47.99. That contract is up in March and will go up to £80 and I'll be haggling/looking to switch to bring that down. I have been spending £6-£8 4 days a week on lunch at work which I will be cutting out - it'll increase my shopping bill as I will take my own lunch in but is obviously going to be a saving. The pet insurance is a tricky one - I have 3 indoor cats so risk of injury is reduced but it'd be dangerous to cancel that I think? Netflix at £9.99 has been cancelled today, hardly use it. Think the ex does but she can get her own now. We have a joint Spotify at £7 each which could go. I've cancelled my Unison membership at £11.50 a month.

@fatbelly - I think I see what you mean. I guess I thought of it as not 'rocking the boat' too much, keeping things friendly/civilised. If my ex can see she's getting her money back to a 50/50 point she'll be happy to continue with the situation. Interestingly, instead of not sending me her share of the bills, she's now going to be sending it to me to keep in a seperate account (in my name...) until we do go our seperate ways to stop her being tempted to spend it. Seems like a mad decision to me as if anything does go wrong - the money is sitting in my account?? I obviously have no intention of being an ars*hole, but...

@AntoMac - Thankfully yes things are OK. We're like lodgers now really and still get on perfectly fine. The pet cats help a TON as they're a mutual interest we both love and care for. She'll also be in no rush to leave as it will devastate her to leave them behind. It's sad the relationship fizzled away but yeah, reconciliation is highly highly unlikely. I don't think the situation will change until either one of us meets someone new and it's serious. 

I'm under no illusion that keeping the house by myself is impossible on my current income/debts. I have no idea if when it comes to it, one of my parents will be able to come on the mortgage with me. I may meet someone new...who knows. I just want to explore every possible avenue to keep my home and keep things cordial/ticking along, debts dropping etc until the time comes.

Again if I can provide any more information or explanation please let me know - the honest truth is expected and appreciated, just be patient with me if I mess something up/not very clear.

I'm going to try and post day-by-day, or as close as possible to it, on what I've spent each day, to help keep this updated and also keep me focused and motivated to stay on track and get my life back in some sort of order. Thank you guys.